Hi hi hiiii I'm the worst at blogging and I only care a little bit.
Life lately has just been so odd, to say the least. I feel like my entire life has flopped over. I'm like a turtle that has been flipped on its back, my entire world has just slipped away from me and what I see is not at all the me I know, and I'm desperate to get back in my familiar world, on my own two feet.
Most times I just feel like the worlds biggest disappointment, biggest procrastinator. And most of the time I feel completely unwanted. Tired. More stressed than you'd know. And definitely annoyed. Annoyed with everything. Annoyed with myself. Annoyed with life. Everything.
But tbh life is GONNA be annoying, MOST of the time. I think sometimes we (myself mostly) just think that being happy and loving life means that everything is butterfly and rainbows and perfect but honestly it's not. It's all about attitude, positivity, and giving your best.
And I know how annoying it can be when you're struggling so hard and somebody flies up out of no where telling you, "It doesn't get easier, you just get stronger." Maybe it's just me but I find it so annoying, because WHO doesn't want it magically get better? Getting stronger is straight up so hard and it'd be so nice if things were easy but fortunately they aren't.
I'm constantly waiting for things to magically turn around and I'm just lying to myself because that's not how it works. Circumstances don't change, things don't change, it's ultimately YOU who changes. Sure you can change a circumstance and stuff but not if you're unwilling to change. Changes starts with you.
I've always known that ya know, but I think it really hit me when I was up in my head thinking about weird things and I was like "One day I'm going to have to help with Thanksgiving MEALS or make them all myself and that'll be so stressful" And obviously nothing is going to change unless I change the way I deal with things, stress is NOT going to go away when I get older and I'm not going to be a magical fairy of a mom. You're probably so lost but whatever.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that life is so hard, and often times we flounder around in the moment, feeling sorry for ourselves and living in the future, because it's such a wonderful place where you and your life can be anything you want, but doing that will just rob you of the now. One day you'll wake up on that day you always dreamed of, and you'll be exactly the same. Don't let the fear of doing hard things rob you of that precious time you could be spending living a meaningful life in the now.
I recently stumbled upon these inspiring words and I'm just gonna drop this here because it fits.
"There is no magic cure, no making it all go away forever.
There are only small steps upward; an easier day, an
unexpected laugh, a mirror that doesn't matter anymore."
- Laurie Halse Anderson
I just really love that. Even though life is hard and sometimes you just wanna call up your genie in a bottle and sometimes it'd be nice to just wish it all away you can't, but every single good thing that happens is one little step towards a better life. The life you deserve, the life you're worthy of living, the life you long for with all your heart.
I've got it really good, but at the same time it's still really hard. I don't want to be one to complain which I obviously am, but lately life has been ridiculously hard as I already said, I know I know. But one thing has made a universe of a difference. positivity.
I'm such a perfectionist but I've been finding a lot of joy in the little rad things jumbled into all the imperfect. Sleeping through the night. Dance parties with my siblings. When the internet works. A moment without pain. A good solid run even though I suck at running. Late night off-roading. Sunny days after days of glum. Productive days. Yoga. Etc. etc.
Possibly one of the most important things I've learned, is that life will always be hard, but the good will always outweigh the bad. I know sometimes it doesn't seem like it when everything appears to be going wrong but literally pull out a piece of paper and write down all the good things that you're blessed with, or the rad things that happened to you in a DAY and you'll feel so much lighter.
Postivity can be all you need in life (exaggerating a tad). Try it out. You'll feel immeasurably better.
Sorry I don't think this flowed or made sense at all but, c'est la vie!
xx Wesleigh
