Yes, you. You sitting there practicing your inability to go to bed at a reasonable hour, you and your less than perfect hair, you with your laugh that sounds more like choking, you and all your beautiful imperfections....you are enough.
Every day, every second, right now- you are enough. Not when you lose a little weight, not when you fit societies standards of perfect, not when your skin is perfect, not when you've achieved everything you want, not when you grades are all As, not when your bank account doesn't give you copious amounts of anxiety, not when you've found the perfect person to complete you....no, RIGHT NOW. You are enough, right now.
You are enough. You are beautiful in all your imperfections, you are worthy of love and acceptance just the way you are, you don't even have to change a thing.
I tell no lies, this is the TRUTH. It's true for both you and I and everyone else in this vast world. Although it may be true, I'm pretty terrible at believing it.
I'm going to go out on a limb here with this lump in my throat and be totally vulnerable and share a story with you.
Today was just one of those days, ya know? Not terrible, but not entirely picture perfect either. It was one of those days where before you even get our of bed you've already spent too much money online; one of those days where you cried at work; one of those days where no matter how much peppermint tea you drink, you still feel like absolute garbage; just one of those days where shame engulfs you and you're sitting there with a lump in your throat, hot face, and just trying to keep it all together until you can crash into your bed and take a nap to escape your woes. Yeah, that was today.
It all started with a very obvious blemish that threatened to destroy my once nearly perfect skin. It feels totally embarrassing to be writing this out for the world to see but it absolutely destroyed me. It was like an elephant was sitting on my face, it felt like a mountain, so painfully obvious. I don't know how this little blemish managed to temporarily destroy my self-worth, but it did. The fact that I couldn't call in sick for having a breakout and had to face people was like a knee to the stomach. So I spent my day feeling like absolute trash and wanting to hide my ugly face under a pillow.
An hour until I could leave work, I pulled out my phone to snapchat my sister, it was the very worst thing I could have done. The lighting was terrible and I could not have looked uglier, or so I thought. I felt this hot wave of worthlessness and self-loathing wash over me, a lump rose in my throat and tears welled up in my eyes. I felt worthless, disgusting, unlovable, and so terribly imperfect. I put my phone down, shook it off and got back to work. There I sat, bathing in my own shame and then my coworker had to go ask me about my life plans! How dare he! And just like that a new wave of worthlessness washed over me and I gave my well rehearsed answer which translates to "I have no idea what the hell I'm doing." Thoughts of "wow I suck" "why can't I get my crap together" were beating at my already fragile self-worth. That was it. I couldn't take it anymore. I left work early and when I got home immediately crashed in my bed and took a nap. The best solution, right?
Why do I do this? Why do we as humans do this to ourselves? Why can't we just learn to unconditionally love and accept ourselves even with all our imperfections? Why in the name of all things holy are we so hard on ourselves?
I've always struggled with my own self-worth and loving and accepting myself for everything that I am. Despite how far I've come, despite the self-love and acceptance that I've gained over the years, I STILL have days where all my self-loathing bad habits creep back in.
Two years ago if you asked me if I liked myself, I'd probably quickly shake my head and say "no way Jose" But if you asked me today, I'd probably say "hell yeah man" I've come a long way, I'm so grateful for where I am in life, despite how messy my life continues to be. So yeah, I love the person I am even though I kind of suck, I totally accept myself for everything that I am and I've built up a lot of resilience to fight against those negative thoughts, but I have my days-and we all do.
We as humans are so imperfect, but I can't help finding it so helplessly beautiful. Isn't it so amazing that no matter how queer and imperfect humans can be, they're just so dang BEAUTIFUL? I find your flaws to be absolutely breathtaking-in a good way. I find your story, your struggle so admirable- a true catalyst for growth; I see you fighting and your effort to become better, to come out stronger and I find it extremely inspiring. I love how unique you are, like I could travel the whole world and never meet another person like you. I find it so incredibly beautiful that simply your way of being can be so dang beautiful.
I wish we could all see ourselves for our true worth. Our image of ourselves becomes so distorted. Blurred by the images of who the world thinks we should be, hidden behind our overly high expectations. But just remember, no matter how far down you are in the pits of self-despair, you are enough. You are loved, so very loved. You are beautiful even when you're not trying to be. You are smart enough, funny enough, good enough, pretty enough. You are enough.
Compassion and acceptance are such a crucial part of living a meaningful life. They say to love your neighbor as yourself but I think when it comes to compassion we're all pretty bad at this. It's a whole lot easier to accept and be compassionate to others but man its so hard to accept and be compassionate to ourselves. I bet we're all a little bit more accepting and compassionate to others than we are to ourselves. Crazy, isn't it?
If anything, learning to have self-compassion and love and accept myself has helped me to be a more loving, genuine, happy and compassionate person. I think that when we truly are solid in our identity, firm in our authenticity, and self-compassionate, we're more able to wholeheartedly love and accept others.
Everyday I have to remind myself to focus on the positive, to not only seek to find the good in others, but to find the good in myself. I'm constantly taking a step back and regrouping, reminding myself to practice self-compassion. It's a struggle, I'm not very good at it, but I'm getting better. It's like a muscle, the more you exercise it the stronger it gets. Slowly but surely it's becoming a habit, a default to combat my negative thoughts and self-bashing.
We're all a bunch of imperfect human beings just trying our hardest, putting on our best fake smile, trying to keep it together, faking it until we make it.
Have compassion. Love people with your whole heart. Be kind, you never know what they're going through. Hug your family. Tell them you love them. Give everyone hugs smile a lot just LOVE. Be happy. Don't compare. We all feel inadequate and insecure in our own ways. Your giving of compassion, love, and acceptance could literally save someone's life. Always reach upward. Strive to be your best. Just be yourself and OWN it.
So, even if your skin breaks out and it feels like the end of the world, just remember that a little blemish doesn't define you. You in everything that you are, you are enough. :)
