Currently genuinely confused about life.
Life is a labyrinth and I'm currently lost on the corner of I don't know and I don't know.
Isn't all we really want in life, is to feel meaningful? Don't we all just wanna feel important, don't we want to make our dreams come true and at the end of the day when the marigold sky has faded and the stars light up the sky, don't we just want to feel meaningful?
I don't know about you, I don't know your dreams, I don't know you heart. I don't know what gets you up in the morning or your 2am motivations.
But I do know me. I know what gets me up in the morning and I know my 2am motivations. I know my dreams and I definitely know my heart.
Life definitely has it's ups and downs, and every basic person ever everywhere has said that (yes, CREATIVE I know). Really though I cannot even begin to tell you all about the roller coaster I'm ridin'. One heck of a ride that's for sure. You'd probably pee your pants just hearing about it, alright.
Even though my stress levels are off the charts at "it feels like a fat bald man is sitting on my chest and I can't breath" I see a glimmer of hope in the distance and I'm surging forward.
I'm so grateful for the good times, they make the bad times seem as if they were just cobwebs in the corner.
Me and my very confused self, my new friggin cute planner and my raspberry lemonade are gonna go ROCK THIS WORLD.
Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
it's been real
Three weeks away from home. Three different states. People I've never met, people I've met but a few times, all people I love so very deeply. Cities and towns, oceans and rivers and roads and here I find myself back in my beloved home state.
It honestly feels so weird that just a few days ago, I was in a different state on a road trip with the best of the best. Time flies by so fast, life is so surreal, and yet here I am jamming out to my tunes at HOME.
((btw if you wanna jam out too pop over HERE. okay.))
I feel like I've learned and grown so much these last few weeks and I REALLY WANT to just sit down write about my whole three weeks but I'm already going stir crazy from sitting at the computer, but pretty sure every post after this will be about these past three weeks. Anyways. It's been real.
A few reflections/thoughts on the last few weeks:
o Living in the moment and truly being present in your life is honestly one of the most beautiful and refreshing things that you could ever do. I felt so alive and authentic these past few weeks, I lived life in color.
o I feel so incredibly lucky to be where I am in life, especially to know these amazing human beings. Sitting around the fire and talking to the mentors at elevation, road trips, beach lunch circles, etc. etc. I just can't get over how lucky I am. They're all like family to me and dang it I just really love my internet fam and I feel ridiculously fortunate to know them.
o Anywhere can feel like home when you're with the people that you love. I'm so convinced that home is not a place, but rather the people you're with. Every where I've been with these people feels so much like home.
o Telling a good story, living your life in the most beautiful colors is easier than you'd think. It only seems hard because it's simply not the norm, and that's the hardest part, going beyond what society preaches you should do and following your heart and telling your story in all it's authenticity.
o I could live on the road. 100% I just love the whole world and I want to spend every day exploring this vast beautiful world. In other words, the nomad in me is going stir crazy.
Shout out to everyone for making these last few weeks so memorable, love you, miss you, see you soon.
#420blazeit #hereatpodfourwe'rebetterthanyouandweknowit #lunch #shutupmonica #legion #weedcan'tstop #riversandroads
((btw if you wanna jam out too pop over HERE. okay.))
I feel like I've learned and grown so much these last few weeks and I REALLY WANT to just sit down write about my whole three weeks but I'm already going stir crazy from sitting at the computer, but pretty sure every post after this will be about these past three weeks. Anyways. It's been real.
A few reflections/thoughts on the last few weeks:
o Living in the moment and truly being present in your life is honestly one of the most beautiful and refreshing things that you could ever do. I felt so alive and authentic these past few weeks, I lived life in color.
o I feel so incredibly lucky to be where I am in life, especially to know these amazing human beings. Sitting around the fire and talking to the mentors at elevation, road trips, beach lunch circles, etc. etc. I just can't get over how lucky I am. They're all like family to me and dang it I just really love my internet fam and I feel ridiculously fortunate to know them.
o Anywhere can feel like home when you're with the people that you love. I'm so convinced that home is not a place, but rather the people you're with. Every where I've been with these people feels so much like home.
o Telling a good story, living your life in the most beautiful colors is easier than you'd think. It only seems hard because it's simply not the norm, and that's the hardest part, going beyond what society preaches you should do and following your heart and telling your story in all it's authenticity.
o I could live on the road. 100% I just love the whole world and I want to spend every day exploring this vast beautiful world. In other words, the nomad in me is going stir crazy.
Shout out to everyone for making these last few weeks so memorable, love you, miss you, see you soon.
#420blazeit #hereatpodfourwe'rebetterthanyouandweknowit #lunch #shutupmonica #legion #weedcan'tstop #riversandroads
positive vibes on a friday night
Hi hi hiiii I'm the worst at blogging and I only care a little bit.
Life lately has just been so odd, to say the least. I feel like my entire life has flopped over. I'm like a turtle that has been flipped on its back, my entire world has just slipped away from me and what I see is not at all the me I know, and I'm desperate to get back in my familiar world, on my own two feet.
Life lately has just been so odd, to say the least. I feel like my entire life has flopped over. I'm like a turtle that has been flipped on its back, my entire world has just slipped away from me and what I see is not at all the me I know, and I'm desperate to get back in my familiar world, on my own two feet.
Most times I just feel like the worlds biggest disappointment, biggest procrastinator. And most of the time I feel completely unwanted. Tired. More stressed than you'd know. And definitely annoyed. Annoyed with everything. Annoyed with myself. Annoyed with life. Everything.
But tbh life is GONNA be annoying, MOST of the time. I think sometimes we (myself mostly) just think that being happy and loving life means that everything is butterfly and rainbows and perfect but honestly it's not. It's all about attitude, positivity, and giving your best.
And I know how annoying it can be when you're struggling so hard and somebody flies up out of no where telling you, "It doesn't get easier, you just get stronger." Maybe it's just me but I find it so annoying, because WHO doesn't want it magically get better? Getting stronger is straight up so hard and it'd be so nice if things were easy but fortunately they aren't.
I'm constantly waiting for things to magically turn around and I'm just lying to myself because that's not how it works. Circumstances don't change, things don't change, it's ultimately YOU who changes. Sure you can change a circumstance and stuff but not if you're unwilling to change. Changes starts with you.
I've always known that ya know, but I think it really hit me when I was up in my head thinking about weird things and I was like "One day I'm going to have to help with Thanksgiving MEALS or make them all myself and that'll be so stressful" And obviously nothing is going to change unless I change the way I deal with things, stress is NOT going to go away when I get older and I'm not going to be a magical fairy of a mom. You're probably so lost but whatever.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that life is so hard, and often times we flounder around in the moment, feeling sorry for ourselves and living in the future, because it's such a wonderful place where you and your life can be anything you want, but doing that will just rob you of the now. One day you'll wake up on that day you always dreamed of, and you'll be exactly the same. Don't let the fear of doing hard things rob you of that precious time you could be spending living a meaningful life in the now.
I recently stumbled upon these inspiring words and I'm just gonna drop this here because it fits.
But tbh life is GONNA be annoying, MOST of the time. I think sometimes we (myself mostly) just think that being happy and loving life means that everything is butterfly and rainbows and perfect but honestly it's not. It's all about attitude, positivity, and giving your best.
And I know how annoying it can be when you're struggling so hard and somebody flies up out of no where telling you, "It doesn't get easier, you just get stronger." Maybe it's just me but I find it so annoying, because WHO doesn't want it magically get better? Getting stronger is straight up so hard and it'd be so nice if things were easy but fortunately they aren't.
I'm constantly waiting for things to magically turn around and I'm just lying to myself because that's not how it works. Circumstances don't change, things don't change, it's ultimately YOU who changes. Sure you can change a circumstance and stuff but not if you're unwilling to change. Changes starts with you.
I've always known that ya know, but I think it really hit me when I was up in my head thinking about weird things and I was like "One day I'm going to have to help with Thanksgiving MEALS or make them all myself and that'll be so stressful" And obviously nothing is going to change unless I change the way I deal with things, stress is NOT going to go away when I get older and I'm not going to be a magical fairy of a mom. You're probably so lost but whatever.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that life is so hard, and often times we flounder around in the moment, feeling sorry for ourselves and living in the future, because it's such a wonderful place where you and your life can be anything you want, but doing that will just rob you of the now. One day you'll wake up on that day you always dreamed of, and you'll be exactly the same. Don't let the fear of doing hard things rob you of that precious time you could be spending living a meaningful life in the now.
I recently stumbled upon these inspiring words and I'm just gonna drop this here because it fits.
"There is no magic cure, no making it all go away forever.
There are only small steps upward; an easier day, an
unexpected laugh, a mirror that doesn't matter anymore."
There are only small steps upward; an easier day, an
unexpected laugh, a mirror that doesn't matter anymore."
- Laurie Halse Anderson
I just really love that. Even though life is hard and sometimes you just wanna call up your genie in a bottle and sometimes it'd be nice to just wish it all away you can't, but every single good thing that happens is one little step towards a better life. The life you deserve, the life you're worthy of living, the life you long for with all your heart.
I've got it really good, but at the same time it's still really hard. I don't want to be one to complain which I obviously am, but lately life has been ridiculously hard as I already said, I know I know. But one thing has made a universe of a difference. positivity.
I'm such a perfectionist but I've been finding a lot of joy in the little rad things jumbled into all the imperfect. Sleeping through the night. Dance parties with my siblings. When the internet works. A moment without pain. A good solid run even though I suck at running. Late night off-roading. Sunny days after days of glum. Productive days. Yoga. Etc. etc.
Possibly one of the most important things I've learned, is that life will always be hard, but the good will always outweigh the bad. I know sometimes it doesn't seem like it when everything appears to be going wrong but literally pull out a piece of paper and write down all the good things that you're blessed with, or the rad things that happened to you in a DAY and you'll feel so much lighter.
Postivity can be all you need in life (exaggerating a tad). Try it out. You'll feel immeasurably better.
Sorry I don't think this flowed or made sense at all but, c'est la vie!
xx Wesleigh
hype
Life is crazy. Not like crazy busy. Just crazy. Annoying. Exciting. Hard. It's a whole tornado of everything. Good days, bad days, lazy days, productive days, up and down then up up up then super down and yeah it's nuts.
My life is a constant whirlwind of "I have life plans" "things are looking up for me" "oh oops I have no idea what I'm doing with my life" "I could make my own ocean with all my tears because I'm so overwhelmed with how little plans I have for any second of today and the rest of my life"
Like sometimes I am just so incredibly bleak because I just want to have structure and have a clear paint by numbers of what to do with my life. Paint number one pink, then number two grey, yada yada 10 numbers down the road you have what looks like a nice picture. Instead or my life where it's basically a blank canvas with a few colorful swishes and swashes of really nothing here and there.
But SOMETIMES I get those moments where I'm just so hyped up on life and where I get these moments of absolute clarity where I can literally feel myself living and loving my life plans and where it all just fits so well like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle.
Right now I feel down right confused about somethings. Somethings I just always assumed that I'd do, because it's what we do in my "culture" but I've come to realize that that's not what I want in my life, or what I need. Making the decision to follow my heart and do what I really know I want to do and the things that make me feel like there might possibly be an entire wild zoo inside me, the things that make me feel so motivated and alive and happy, those are the things that I'm chasing after. And oh my goodness it feels so good.
I'm so SO hyped up on life for the most part. I'm the poster child of hype.
I am so excited about my plans. Education plans. Health plans. And YES, even FUTURE plans. Oh my goodness yeah,I just said "future." Scary I know, I swear its like saying Voldemort out loud and you know that's right.
I mean I have no solid plans and they'll probably change just tomorrow but at least I have something.
By "plans" I mean ideas that I'm really excited about, REALISTIC ideas. THIS COULD ACTUALLY HAPPEN PEOPLE. I actually told my sister that if I was not IN a foreign country or had serious plans to go to a foreign country in about a year then she'd better kick my sorry but out the door.
I have "plans" to work my butt off saving adventure money. I have "plans" of going to Africa for a few months for humanitarian work and I have "plans" to work in either Paris or London and I have "plans" to travel Europe with my sister and I have "plans" for college and I have "plans" for possible law school or sunny days with slippery marine animals. I have "plans" for the next few months and although I've always embraced the completely un-structured and spontaneous person that I've always been I'm starting to embrace and crave a more structured life, more responsibilities, and yeah, I'm embracing the fact that adult life is coming.
So. Much. Hype.
Things are coming together. I'm solidly following a fitness plan and I'm working on consistently eating like a caveman and man its good.
I know I still have those days where I feel so incredibly bleak and tired and confused, but then I have those moments where it's OKAY and my world seems as if it's finally coming together, and I 100% believe that those moments should be shouted from the rooftops (or from this tiny corner of the internet). You should recognize when your world is at peace and when you're happy. Recognize the hype, share the hype, embrace the hype.
xoxo - Wesleigh
My life is a constant whirlwind of "I have life plans" "things are looking up for me" "oh oops I have no idea what I'm doing with my life" "I could make my own ocean with all my tears because I'm so overwhelmed with how little plans I have for any second of today and the rest of my life"
Like sometimes I am just so incredibly bleak because I just want to have structure and have a clear paint by numbers of what to do with my life. Paint number one pink, then number two grey, yada yada 10 numbers down the road you have what looks like a nice picture. Instead or my life where it's basically a blank canvas with a few colorful swishes and swashes of really nothing here and there.
But SOMETIMES I get those moments where I'm just so hyped up on life and where I get these moments of absolute clarity where I can literally feel myself living and loving my life plans and where it all just fits so well like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle.
Right now I feel down right confused about somethings. Somethings I just always assumed that I'd do, because it's what we do in my "culture" but I've come to realize that that's not what I want in my life, or what I need. Making the decision to follow my heart and do what I really know I want to do and the things that make me feel like there might possibly be an entire wild zoo inside me, the things that make me feel so motivated and alive and happy, those are the things that I'm chasing after. And oh my goodness it feels so good.
I'm so SO hyped up on life for the most part. I'm the poster child of hype.
I am so excited about my plans. Education plans. Health plans. And YES, even FUTURE plans. Oh my goodness yeah,I just said "future." Scary I know, I swear its like saying Voldemort out loud and you know that's right.
I mean I have no solid plans and they'll probably change just tomorrow but at least I have something.
By "plans" I mean ideas that I'm really excited about, REALISTIC ideas. THIS COULD ACTUALLY HAPPEN PEOPLE. I actually told my sister that if I was not IN a foreign country or had serious plans to go to a foreign country in about a year then she'd better kick my sorry but out the door.
I have "plans" to work my butt off saving adventure money. I have "plans" of going to Africa for a few months for humanitarian work and I have "plans" to work in either Paris or London and I have "plans" to travel Europe with my sister and I have "plans" for college and I have "plans" for possible law school or sunny days with slippery marine animals. I have "plans" for the next few months and although I've always embraced the completely un-structured and spontaneous person that I've always been I'm starting to embrace and crave a more structured life, more responsibilities, and yeah, I'm embracing the fact that adult life is coming.
So. Much. Hype.
Things are coming together. I'm solidly following a fitness plan and I'm working on consistently eating like a caveman and man its good.
I know I still have those days where I feel so incredibly bleak and tired and confused, but then I have those moments where it's OKAY and my world seems as if it's finally coming together, and I 100% believe that those moments should be shouted from the rooftops (or from this tiny corner of the internet). You should recognize when your world is at peace and when you're happy. Recognize the hype, share the hype, embrace the hype.
xoxo - Wesleigh
life just got real
I have this horribly self-destructive behavior of living life out of focus. And by that I mean not having a CLEAR picture of what I want, where I am going, what I am doing, and WHY I am doing it. Instead I just am HERE. Wandering through life without any meaning, completely out of focus.
It kind of hit my conscious self that life is rapidly getting REAL, and by real I mean adulthood. There is insurance, phone bills, gas, college savings, travel savings that I have to be paying, saving, and aware of. There are commitments I need to make and KEEP. People who are counting on me. MORE needs to be done. Yet I just sit here TERRIFIED because really all I want is to be able to run around outside, eating rice cakes out of a wooden barrel while playing in the lilac trees, riding my bike in what I thought was lightning speed, and coming home to my parents doing all the adult stuff.
So let's be completely real here, because life. is. real, people, and here I, am, absolutely terrified of adulthood. Not just adulthood but growing up. Take me to Neverland, P L E A S E.
I guess I'm like 90% terrified and 10% excited for the rest of my life. Or maybe it's actually 99.9% excited and 1% terrified yet I let that 1% rule my life. I dunno man.
Last night I was just chillin as usual and I was thinking about life and stuff, like what it is that I want in life, because I really don't have a clear picture on that. I was just thinking about people out there in the world living the dream, and I thought to myself, ONE DAY I will be out there living the dream, one day when I'm done with high school, when I've got it made and everything is great I'll be out there adventuring and living the dream. And then my sub-conscious kind of just screamed at me and was like "WESLEIGH WAKE UP REAL LIFE IS CRASHING IN ON YOU LIKE A ASTEROID HURTLING TOWARDS THE EARTH AND YOU BETTER BE READY FOR IT OR ELSE YOU'RE GOING TO BE IN FOR A WILD RIDE."
And again, by real life I mean adulthood, the rest of my life outside of my parents basement (because that is actually where I sleep, so cliche, I know.)
There are some crazy important questions we all need to ask ourselves. WHAT do I want my life to be like? The REST of my life? Now? WHAT do I want to do? WHERE do I want to live? HOW do I want to live? HOW am I going to sustain that life that I want? WHAT am I doing NOW so that I can have that life? Am I preparing for that life in the best way possible? WHY am I doing this? WHY do I want it? WHY is it important to me?
Question. Are you 100% happy with who you are and your life right now? 99.9% happy? 50% happy? You don't want to be anything but 100% happy with who you are and your life at all times.
So what if you're not happy with your life. Maybe you feel uncomfortable, or conflicted, like you want something REALLY bad and it feels like you are a t-rex who just can't reach it because you don't have the means to (tiny arms y'all).
You honestly shouldn't live your life feeling like that. And the truth is, no matter how much we like to wish it away is this: If you are not doing SOMETHING to change your life from discontent to 100% sure of yourself and happy, if you're not constantly working on changing it and finding your CLEAR picture of you're life and working HARD towards it, and you just keep dreaming and thinking that your life is going to magically change while you just sit here are do nothing, just making lists of everything you want to be and do and achieve while you're actually not DOING it, you and your life are. never. going. to. change.
I am most definitely guilty of doing that. Aren't we all at some point in our life?
But you know it's not so much the future that terrifies me, but myself that terrifies me that most. Because the future can be absolutely anything you want it to be, only if YOU do everything you can to make it that way. And I'm not very good at that. I'm horrible at making my dreams come true, I'm horrible at commitments and responsibility, I like to hide from life and pretend that one day it'll get better. But it won't unless I make it better. And THAT is what terrifies me. I'm 100% afraid that I'll never get out there and make my dreams come true, and that I'll never become WHO I really am and do the things that I really want to, and go the places I want to go. And it must change.
I found this really good blog post, go read it because it is GREAT and it goes right along with what I'm saying.
I actually have a lot of freedom in my life. I have free reign over my education, I can have the best education that I can give myself. I can also do nothing, which is kind of what I'm doing right now. I live in an incredible place, where I can explore, and I do just that. I am surrounded by incredible people who can help me in my life, and can be my mentors. I am surrounded by blessings, and opportunities.I have everything I need to make my life the BEST that it can be.
My current life, and my future is literally at my finger tips, just a shapeless blob waiting to be shaped into something beautiful and meaningful, and I have all the power to do just that.
I'll be 18 in something like 10 months. I can be done with High School in 6 or 7 months. And who I am and what I do in that time and the time after that is entirely up to me. Pressure right? I better make the most of it, because I only get one chance.
I can be out there living the dream. Right. Now.
I can be out there living the dream. Right. Now.
Already I want to shrink back into the shadows of settling-for-less-because-it's-easy and simply not do anything because that's terrifying right? It is. But I swear I'm actually going to do something this time, one baby step at a time, because life just got real.
out to be
Hi I'm Wesleigh, and I haven't posted on this blog in a long time, or so it seems. So hi.
Note: This is a somewhat depressing and religious post. But I promise it was written in determination and there is actually a lot of good in this post. So bear with me.
Throughout my life, as much as I would like to not acknowledge the fact, I have suffered from depression, and it sucks. While I am really a happy, life loving, passionate person, I get really down, lost, and confused, and feel an overall numbness at times.
The world is a confusing place to live. The media tells you that you should be "skinny," "have perfect hair," "be funny and witty while not being weird" "If you want to have a great body, you have to work out five times a day 7 times a week and eat only a pea sized helping," they tell you all those things and more. BUT WAIT. They also tell you that you should, "Love your body," "embrace messy hair," "be yourself", that unauthentic people are "frowned upon," and I could go on and on. They send out false images, and the billions of people on the cyber space are constantly contradicting each other and it's a really confusing place.
In the past couple of years, while being ashamed of who I was, and feeling inadequate that I have become SO obsessed with "becoming who I am" and "finding myself" and "owning my education" and TRYING to "be myself" and "making my dreams come true" that I simply forgot to ACTUALLY do those things. I became so obsessed with finding my true potential, and who I was meant to be, and where I fit in, that I lost myself somewhere among all that. I got so overwhelmed with trying to do everything that was socially acceptable and praised that I forgot that I don't actually like that stuff. While trying to find the best way to do everything, I got so confused and did the absolute worst at everything. I was so worried about being/looking perfect according to "society," and being loved, and being talented, that I forgot that I was already perfect in God's eyes, and that I was already loved by so many people, the people that really matter, and that I was already blessed with so many unique talents. It's been a strange journey it has, but it has taught me a lot.
The Wesleigh you probably know, (if you aren't a member of my family, because my family knows me pretty well) is merely a shadow of the real me.
I feel like peter pan who lost his shadow, but in this case, I'm the shadow, and the real me is out there climbing mountains and dancing through fields of wild flowers.
Though through all the pain, there has been happiness, of course there has been. How could you not be happy in this beautiful and profound world? But it is totally possible to be really happy and really down and the same time.
Right now I'm sitting at my computer and the thunder is shaking the sky outside my window, and I can't help but feeling overwhelming awe, and happiness, and sheer gratitude that I am so fortunate to live here on this earth.
I currently may not know who I am, or what my passions really are, or what I really want to do in this world. BUT. I do know that I am a daughter of God, and I am perfect in his image, because he created me and loves me so much. How sad is he, that I have not loved the wonderful person that he created, and tried to be someone else.
Note to all people in the world. You don't need to go trekking solo across the country to "find yourself'" you don't need to run off to some big city and get a tattoo and piercings to "find yourself" you don't need to, WHO YOU ARE, is already right inside of you. You don't need to find yourself, because you ARE yourself, you don't even have to try to be. You don't need to "create yourself" because God already created a perfect you, you just need to BE that person that God created.
You don't have to call yourself "introvert" because you enjoy being alone, or an "extrovert" because you thrive off time spent with people, you don't have to say that you have ADD just because you have a really active brain, you don't have to make excuses for not being the best, you don't have to say that you are a "nerd" just because you like Star Wars or reading books, you don't have to say that you are a "girly girl" just because you like to dress up sometimes and wear makeup, you don't have to say that you are a wimp or emotional because you just love a lot or feel a lot, YOU DON'T HAVE TO MAKE UP NAMES AND EXCUSES FOR WHO YOU ARE.
I'm not an introvert, I'm not an extrovert, I don't have ADD, I'm not a nerd, nor a girly girl, nor an emotional wimp, etc. etc. I. am. Wesleigh. And I am perfectly defined by WHO I am. Just because I like one thing doesn't mean I have to just be that, I can be everything that I simply am all at once.
This has been rather confusing hasn't it. But my thoughts are confusing sometimes.
I am currently in the process of deactivating all my social media accounts that I waste my life on, this is something I've been needing to do for a long time, so I'm going mostly off the grid (with the occasional exception of email and school related purposes). And instead of going out to find myself, I'm going to go out and focus on the things that really, truly matter in life. God, others and family, and simply being Wesleigh, and just experiencing and doing as much good as I can in this life I have. And if you need to get a hold of me, good luck. :)
I wish you the best in life. I pray that you feel as much happiness as I do in life, and that you love it. And if you're going through the same thing that I've been going through, keep your head up, and stop listening to the confusing voices of the world and listen to the one that really matters, you are infinite, and perfect in every way. Focus on the positive and although in this life you will feel pain and hurt, be happy about it, because it is making you stronger. I love you and good luck with life :) Hopefully this blog doesn't get too dusty, you've been cool. Until next time. I'm out to simply be Wesleigh.
- Wesleigh
Note: This is a somewhat depressing and religious post. But I promise it was written in determination and there is actually a lot of good in this post. So bear with me.
Throughout my life, as much as I would like to not acknowledge the fact, I have suffered from depression, and it sucks. While I am really a happy, life loving, passionate person, I get really down, lost, and confused, and feel an overall numbness at times.
The world is a confusing place to live. The media tells you that you should be "skinny," "have perfect hair," "be funny and witty while not being weird" "If you want to have a great body, you have to work out five times a day 7 times a week and eat only a pea sized helping," they tell you all those things and more. BUT WAIT. They also tell you that you should, "Love your body," "embrace messy hair," "be yourself", that unauthentic people are "frowned upon," and I could go on and on. They send out false images, and the billions of people on the cyber space are constantly contradicting each other and it's a really confusing place.
In the past couple of years, while being ashamed of who I was, and feeling inadequate that I have become SO obsessed with "becoming who I am" and "finding myself" and "owning my education" and TRYING to "be myself" and "making my dreams come true" that I simply forgot to ACTUALLY do those things. I became so obsessed with finding my true potential, and who I was meant to be, and where I fit in, that I lost myself somewhere among all that. I got so overwhelmed with trying to do everything that was socially acceptable and praised that I forgot that I don't actually like that stuff. While trying to find the best way to do everything, I got so confused and did the absolute worst at everything. I was so worried about being/looking perfect according to "society," and being loved, and being talented, that I forgot that I was already perfect in God's eyes, and that I was already loved by so many people, the people that really matter, and that I was already blessed with so many unique talents. It's been a strange journey it has, but it has taught me a lot.
The Wesleigh you probably know, (if you aren't a member of my family, because my family knows me pretty well) is merely a shadow of the real me.
I feel like peter pan who lost his shadow, but in this case, I'm the shadow, and the real me is out there climbing mountains and dancing through fields of wild flowers.
Though through all the pain, there has been happiness, of course there has been. How could you not be happy in this beautiful and profound world? But it is totally possible to be really happy and really down and the same time.
Right now I'm sitting at my computer and the thunder is shaking the sky outside my window, and I can't help but feeling overwhelming awe, and happiness, and sheer gratitude that I am so fortunate to live here on this earth.
I currently may not know who I am, or what my passions really are, or what I really want to do in this world. BUT. I do know that I am a daughter of God, and I am perfect in his image, because he created me and loves me so much. How sad is he, that I have not loved the wonderful person that he created, and tried to be someone else.
Note to all people in the world. You don't need to go trekking solo across the country to "find yourself'" you don't need to run off to some big city and get a tattoo and piercings to "find yourself" you don't need to, WHO YOU ARE, is already right inside of you. You don't need to find yourself, because you ARE yourself, you don't even have to try to be. You don't need to "create yourself" because God already created a perfect you, you just need to BE that person that God created.
You don't have to call yourself "introvert" because you enjoy being alone, or an "extrovert" because you thrive off time spent with people, you don't have to say that you have ADD just because you have a really active brain, you don't have to make excuses for not being the best, you don't have to say that you are a "nerd" just because you like Star Wars or reading books, you don't have to say that you are a "girly girl" just because you like to dress up sometimes and wear makeup, you don't have to say that you are a wimp or emotional because you just love a lot or feel a lot, YOU DON'T HAVE TO MAKE UP NAMES AND EXCUSES FOR WHO YOU ARE.
I'm not an introvert, I'm not an extrovert, I don't have ADD, I'm not a nerd, nor a girly girl, nor an emotional wimp, etc. etc. I. am. Wesleigh. And I am perfectly defined by WHO I am. Just because I like one thing doesn't mean I have to just be that, I can be everything that I simply am all at once.
This has been rather confusing hasn't it. But my thoughts are confusing sometimes.
I am currently in the process of deactivating all my social media accounts that I waste my life on, this is something I've been needing to do for a long time, so I'm going mostly off the grid (with the occasional exception of email and school related purposes). And instead of going out to find myself, I'm going to go out and focus on the things that really, truly matter in life. God, others and family, and simply being Wesleigh, and just experiencing and doing as much good as I can in this life I have. And if you need to get a hold of me, good luck. :)
I wish you the best in life. I pray that you feel as much happiness as I do in life, and that you love it. And if you're going through the same thing that I've been going through, keep your head up, and stop listening to the confusing voices of the world and listen to the one that really matters, you are infinite, and perfect in every way. Focus on the positive and although in this life you will feel pain and hurt, be happy about it, because it is making you stronger. I love you and good luck with life :) Hopefully this blog doesn't get too dusty, you've been cool. Until next time. I'm out to simply be Wesleigh.
- Wesleigh
my greatest fear
I have this incredible survival instinct. I watch an "Armageddon" movie and immediately get the STRONGEST desire to be able to take down an entire army single handed. It's a dream of mine.
Get me really into a game or capture the flag, or ghost in the graveyard, or humans versus zombies, and I go ballistic. I. Must. Win.
But you see, I AM a strong person, I always have been, but my insides don't seem to want to be strong. And I hate that ya know, because I NEED to be strong, I do, and the fact that I "could" pick up a terminal illness scares me....I really don't want that....I was made for much more. But making your dreams come true is hard ya know, and sometimes it's easier to just wish a terminal illness upon yourself, that'd be easy right? False.
There is SO SO much that I want to do with my life. Really my heart could explode and my eyes could become a hurricane just by THINKING about all the things my heart longs to do. And I don't want to waste a single second. But making dreams come true is hard isn't it?
My sister texted me this the other day.....and I guess you could say that I like it, maybe even a lot.
Get me really into a game or capture the flag, or ghost in the graveyard, or humans versus zombies, and I go ballistic. I. Must. Win.
But you see, I AM a strong person, I always have been, but my insides don't seem to want to be strong. And I hate that ya know, because I NEED to be strong, I do, and the fact that I "could" pick up a terminal illness scares me....I really don't want that....I was made for much more. But making your dreams come true is hard ya know, and sometimes it's easier to just wish a terminal illness upon yourself, that'd be easy right? False.
There is SO SO much that I want to do with my life. Really my heart could explode and my eyes could become a hurricane just by THINKING about all the things my heart longs to do. And I don't want to waste a single second. But making dreams come true is hard isn't it?
My sister texted me this the other day.....and I guess you could say that I like it, maybe even a lot.
"Oh my gosh. What is you wake up some day, and you're 65, or 75, and you never got your memoir or novel written; or you didn't go swimming in warm pools and oceans all those years because your thighs were too jiggly and you had a nice big comfortable tummy; or you are just so strung out on perfectionism and people pleasing that you forgot to have a big juicy creative life, or imagination and radical silliness and staring off into space like when you were a kid? It's going to break your heart. Don't let this happen."
- Anne Lamott
Living a lesser life is easy is it not? I mean. It's a lot easier to just buy a bunch of junk food from Walmart and live on that and grow a really nice belly and it's easy to love your love handles, and it's really easy to sit on the couch eating potato chips and watching America's Next Top Model, and it's really easy to make fun of people, and it's really easy to have a pitty-party for yourself and justify not helping others, and it's really easy to not do your homework, and it's really easy to make excuses, and it's really easy to not make your dreams come true. If I don't...it'll break my heart.
But I have a not-so-much-of-a-secret-to share with you.....the greatest things in life are NOT easy. Nope. Getting a six-pack is not easy, being patient and kind with everyone is not easy, serving others is not easy, and MAKING YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE IS NOT EASY. But oh it's so worth it.
Do you know the parable of the talents? In case you don't, here it is.... "Jesus told the story of a master who gave each of his three servants a sum of money. The amounts were set according to each servant’s previously demonstrated capabilities. The man then left for a long time. When he returned, he asked each of these servants to report what he had done with the money. The first two servants revealed they had doubled his investment. “Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord,” was the master’s reply. The third servant then came trembling before his master. He had already heard what the others had reported and knew that he could not give a similar report. “I was afraid,” the servant said, “and went and hid thy talent in the earth” The master was upset. “Thou wicked and slothful servant,” he said. Then he commanded, “Take therefore the talent from him, and give it unto him which hath ten talents” The Savior then gave the interpretation of the parable: Those who obtain other talents receive more talents in abundance. But those who do not obtain other talents shall lose even the talents they had initially."
I feel like God gave us each the greatest gift of all....a physical body, and a chance to live a life here on earth. How would you feel if you gave someone a gift and they just trashed it, and didn't care about it, and were like, "whatever, you only live once anyways!" (btw you don't only live once, you live every single day, every second, minute, hour, etc.). How would you feel? I think you would be sad....you would feel sad and hurt. And I think that's how God feels when we don't live up to our true potential in life, and when we settle for the easier, lesser path.
I don't want that. And that is my greatest fear.
I don't want that. And that is my greatest fear.
My greatest fear is that one day I'll wake up and I'll have never made my dreams come true. That'll I'll have made SO many excuses and so many justifications that I got sucked into the desolate vortex of "people-who-settled-for-lesser-easy-lives"
That I'll never have gotten married or have had that big beautiful family of mine; that I'll never have traveled the world; or climbed the highest mountains; or swam in the ocean; or never have changed someones life; or never made my dreams come true, and that'll I'll never had returned the gift God gave in the way that he would want.
Guys. Don't get sucked into that addicting and cumbersome vortex. It's comfortable. It's dangerous. It's blinding. Don'g go there.
You. Are. Worth. More. Than. That.
Nelson Mandela, a wise and inspiration man, once said.....
Nelson Mandela, a wise and inspiration man, once said.....
"I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear."
We all have fears ya know...but we can not let them blind us and trap us in their treacherous webs. We must break free and conquer our fears. You are loved, you have immeasurable worth, you have great potential, go above and beyond and make those dreams come true. :)
everything and nothing at all
Everything and nothing at all. I think that pretty much sums up everything in my everyday, weekly, monthly, life.
In my journal(s) I am constantly writing about new things that I "think" I want to do with my life and careers I "think" I want to go into and where I want to go and blah blah and it's really exhausting.
It kinda looks something like this, but times 50.
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Because let's be honest does ANYONE know what they truly want to do with their lives? Maybe bits and pieces, or maybe they just have a really together life. But I don't.
I wish people would stop asking, because you don't have to know, and you don't need the pressure. No on does. You don't need to be pressure into who you are "supposed" to be.
And guess what? It's OKAY to not know what you are doing with your life. You have your WHOLE life to figure that out, live a little.
I'm Wesleigh. I want to do everything, I want to be everything, I want to see everything, and yada yada. But in all honestly, I don't want to do anything. Nothing. Nothing at all.
But one thing I do know, All I want is this.......
In my journal(s) I am constantly writing about new things that I "think" I want to do with my life and careers I "think" I want to go into and where I want to go and blah blah and it's really exhausting.
It kinda looks something like this, but times 50.
I am CONSTANTLY obsessing over my life, I'm always trying to figure out the absolute BEST option, and if I want to get there I have to be perfect and do everything right so that I can have the perfect life that doesn't even exist. And that's really stupid ya know. Because I am so obsessed with figuring out who I am and who I am to become that I forget to actually be ME and just let it flow.
What's even crazier is that there really are SO many things that I could really see myself doing, that I feel really passionate about.....yet....a lot of them have me both experiencing a stampede of butterflies while my heart is beating at totally irregular intervals and feeling completely overwhelmed and sick to my stomach.
Sometimes I think I know what I want to do. But I don't. I really, really, don't know what I am going to do with my life.
And I don't think it helps when people are CONSTANTLY asking you what you want to do with your life, etc., etc.
Because let's be honest does ANYONE know what they truly want to do with their lives? Maybe bits and pieces, or maybe they just have a really together life. But I don't.
I wish people would stop asking, because you don't have to know, and you don't need the pressure. No on does. You don't need to be pressure into who you are "supposed" to be.
And guess what? It's OKAY to not know what you are doing with your life. You have your WHOLE life to figure that out, live a little.
I'm Wesleigh. I want to do everything, I want to be everything, I want to see everything, and yada yada. But in all honestly, I don't want to do anything. Nothing. Nothing at all.
But one thing I do know, All I want is this.......
Simplicity
Simplicity is bliss isn't it. As much as I would like to become a doctor and travel throughout Africa saving lives, and as much as I would like to have my own successful business, and as much as I would like to make millions and have a big house and stuff......really all I want is simplicity.
I want to do nothing. Everything within reach. But nothing.
Lately I've met, heard about, a lot of families that seem to have nothing....ya know....they have tiny old houses, filled with furniture that looks like it was probably thrifted, hand-me-down clothes, beater cars that they converted to run on grease, a list full of places they've lived throughout the world, happy smiling children, and overall......a simple life. Looking at them you would think they have nothing really.....but in fact...they have everything. Simplicity IS bliss.
I want my everything, nothing really at all, but everything to me.
Lately I've met, heard about, a lot of families that seem to have nothing....ya know....they have tiny old houses, filled with furniture that looks like it was probably thrifted, hand-me-down clothes, beater cars that they converted to run on grease, a list full of places they've lived throughout the world, happy smiling children, and overall......a simple life. Looking at them you would think they have nothing really.....but in fact...they have everything. Simplicity IS bliss.
I want my everything, nothing really at all, but everything to me.
I really just don't know. Don't know exactly what my "everything and nothing at all" actually is, and right now I want to go scream my lungs out because I can't seem to get a grip on life and that is really hard. But I have a glimpse of what I want in life, something simple, something that makes me happy. Something obviously not perfect.....but something simple and everything to me. :)
And right now I'm going to try to get some part of my life a little.....simpler.
And that made absolutely no sense, but sometimes I have really profound thoughts that just can't be written down or even thought clearly. It's normal.
Within Reach: Started from the bottom now we're here
The other night it was about 12pm. I was sitting in the basement chilling with my dad. We started talking about some people we know who are struggling with their marriage and then we started talking about my parents divorces and then we started talking about my dads ex father in law and his successful life and how he got there and then other people's successful lives and how they got there. (I feel like you just learned a lot about my life in that once sentence but you didn't.)
It really sparked something in me.
So my dad knew (because he is now deceased) the guy who started the Orange County, California garbage company. An incredible entrepreneur and billionaire. Basically. He wasn't rich growing up and at 13, he and his older brother left home. They started a business by charging people to pick up their garbage in the back of their truck, and it grew to this multi-billion dollar company that collects all of Orange County's garbage and uses highly advanced technology.
How the heck did he get there?! That's what I wanted to know.
Steve Jobs dropped out of school. Bill Gates dropped out of school. Etc.
How come some of the most successful people in the world didn't even get much of an education!?
My dad went on to tell me stories of the richest people in the world and how they got there. He told me a story of a girl he knew in high school who grew up in a shack with an outhouse in a really really messed up family who was befriended by a girl who helped her to realize her true potential, and later became a doctor.
I kept saying, "Hoooow?" Because I really wanted to know. How does that work. How can someone go from nothing to so much.
My dad told me something really profound I guess. He said that those people like the garbage guy in Orange County, Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, etc, are TOO creative for the system. The system being the public schooling system, limitations of the world, etc. They are SMARTER than everyone else. Their IDEAS far out weigh the system. That's kind of crazy. They broke through the limitations of the world and reached for dreams.
But what about people like that girl who grew up in a shack with an outhouse? Someone took her under their wing and loved her, and helped her to realize her TRUE potential and helped her to reach for her dreams.
None of these people started out with much. In fact some might say that what they did was impossible. They started from the bottom and made it to the top.
I sorta wondered why I couldn't be like those people, but you know the great thing about living? ANYTHING. Absolutely anything that you want is within your reach.
Within reach....does that not blow your mind or what even?
Those people got to the top, made their dreams come true, overcame their obstacles, realized their true potential, and other stuff.
My voca/grammar is really strong right now, can you tell? MY THOUGHTS ARE STARS I CANNOT FATHOM INTO CONSTELLATIONS OKAY.
Anyways. I said it sparked something in me right? Well it really did. It REALLY really did.
Life has been really hard, I mean it's always hard. I have a lot of problems in my life and I'm learning to to not think of them as obstacles that I have to struggle over but more like mini trampolines that will only make me go higher. Holla for great analogies.
So yeah life is hard but it's SO GOOD. I have hard days/times that make me question why I want to be here....then I have those really wonderful moments where I remember how much I love life and how worth it is.
You know it seems like hard times are followed by really good times. Thus the mini trampoline analogy ;)
I've come to embrace my struggles and not let them drag me down, instead I am reaching for my dreams and realizing how achievable they are.
My life lately has gone something like this: midnight longboarding sesh/learning how to longboard, filling the back of my truck with blankets and pillows and stargazing, random hikes, tan lines, and ups and downs, bike rides, and successful runs, and good music, and laughs, and climbing, and life is good okay. It's just really hard but really good and it feels so good to go out and makes dreams come true.
Nothing is impossible.
And lately I've just really been realizing that everything I want is within my reach. And that feels good.
It really sparked something in me.
So my dad knew (because he is now deceased) the guy who started the Orange County, California garbage company. An incredible entrepreneur and billionaire. Basically. He wasn't rich growing up and at 13, he and his older brother left home. They started a business by charging people to pick up their garbage in the back of their truck, and it grew to this multi-billion dollar company that collects all of Orange County's garbage and uses highly advanced technology.
How the heck did he get there?! That's what I wanted to know.
Steve Jobs dropped out of school. Bill Gates dropped out of school. Etc.
How come some of the most successful people in the world didn't even get much of an education!?
My dad went on to tell me stories of the richest people in the world and how they got there. He told me a story of a girl he knew in high school who grew up in a shack with an outhouse in a really really messed up family who was befriended by a girl who helped her to realize her true potential, and later became a doctor.
I kept saying, "Hoooow?" Because I really wanted to know. How does that work. How can someone go from nothing to so much.
My dad told me something really profound I guess. He said that those people like the garbage guy in Orange County, Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, etc, are TOO creative for the system. The system being the public schooling system, limitations of the world, etc. They are SMARTER than everyone else. Their IDEAS far out weigh the system. That's kind of crazy. They broke through the limitations of the world and reached for dreams.
But what about people like that girl who grew up in a shack with an outhouse? Someone took her under their wing and loved her, and helped her to realize her TRUE potential and helped her to reach for her dreams.
None of these people started out with much. In fact some might say that what they did was impossible. They started from the bottom and made it to the top.
I sorta wondered why I couldn't be like those people, but you know the great thing about living? ANYTHING. Absolutely anything that you want is within your reach.
Within reach....does that not blow your mind or what even?
Those people got to the top, made their dreams come true, overcame their obstacles, realized their true potential, and other stuff.
My voca/grammar is really strong right now, can you tell? MY THOUGHTS ARE STARS I CANNOT FATHOM INTO CONSTELLATIONS OKAY.
Anyways. I said it sparked something in me right? Well it really did. It REALLY really did.
Life has been really hard, I mean it's always hard. I have a lot of problems in my life and I'm learning to to not think of them as obstacles that I have to struggle over but more like mini trampolines that will only make me go higher. Holla for great analogies.
So yeah life is hard but it's SO GOOD. I have hard days/times that make me question why I want to be here....then I have those really wonderful moments where I remember how much I love life and how worth it is.
You know it seems like hard times are followed by really good times. Thus the mini trampoline analogy ;)
I've come to embrace my struggles and not let them drag me down, instead I am reaching for my dreams and realizing how achievable they are.
My life lately has gone something like this: midnight longboarding sesh/learning how to longboard, filling the back of my truck with blankets and pillows and stargazing, random hikes, tan lines, and ups and downs, bike rides, and successful runs, and good music, and laughs, and climbing, and life is good okay. It's just really hard but really good and it feels so good to go out and makes dreams come true.
Nothing is impossible.
And lately I've just really been realizing that everything I want is within my reach. And that feels good.
Hope is Never Lost
Sometimes I get caught up in all the negativity of the world and feel as if I am slowly sinking in quicksand. It hurts, and it makes me sad and I tend to get really upset at the world. BECAUSE THIS IS NOT HOW THIS BEAUTIFUL WORLD IS SUPPOSED TO BE YOU FEEL.
But then I see something beautiful, or someone is really spectacular, or life just reminds me that it's good and I am reminded that hope is never lost.
HOPE IS NEVER LOST GUYS AND THAT'S COMFORTING. REALLY COMFORTING.
And I just wanted to say that.
Because sometimes it feels like you are all alone in a crowd of creatures just like yourself, or that you are drowning under all the burdens you have been given but KEEP YOUR HEAD UP BECAUSE BABY THERE IS HOPE.
Just have faith and I promise you the best will come. :)
But then I see something beautiful, or someone is really spectacular, or life just reminds me that it's good and I am reminded that hope is never lost.
HOPE IS NEVER LOST GUYS AND THAT'S COMFORTING. REALLY COMFORTING.
And I just wanted to say that.
Because sometimes it feels like you are all alone in a crowd of creatures just like yourself, or that you are drowning under all the burdens you have been given but KEEP YOUR HEAD UP BECAUSE BABY THERE IS HOPE.
Just have faith and I promise you the best will come. :)
Does Media Shape Your Life? Or Nah?
In the generation we live in today, it often seems like media shapes our lives, and I don't like that.
What is media, you are probably not wondering. It is a vile retched trap, that can also be wondrous if used right. (Example: Wesleigh uses it wrong. The LDS church uses it right.) There are many types or media-in my opinion- print media (newspaper, magazines), broadcasting media (tv, news, radio and we'll just throw movies in there too), and internet (facebook, blogs, twitter, all social media)! Yay no.
Let's be completely honest here shall we. I Wesleigh, am addicted to media. WHO it thinks I must be, WHAT so-in-so is doing, that blog, Twitter, Facebook, so-in-so's diet plan, Instagram, Pinterest, YouTube, Netflix, Tv, Movies....let's stop there.
Shameful right? I HATE that I am addicted to it. Although it is completely within my power to break that addiction, and I intend to do so. I hate that I listen to the voice of the world. I hate how artificial everything is. I hate the cruel judgment weighing on me and everyone. I hate that news casters feel like sharing a majority of negative things, rather than good. I hate how the world has strayed so far from religious values.
All in all, I really just hate how it shapes my life and others.
The majority of self-esteem issues come from artificial images and ideas sent from the media, and not to mention eating disorders. A large part of depression is media driven. Excessive time spent on some types of media can actually shorten and put your life at risk. Children these days act so different than they should, the media blurs our minds, creating artificial and fake lives. I could go on and on, but I won't because that would take ages and I do not have ages to waste here, and sadly I've already wasted enough.
BUT I REALLY JUST WANT TO GET THIS OUT OKAY.
Obviously the effects of media are large and vast in the world today. Their effects are felt by everyone in same way or another. Whether you feel affected by it or not, I promise you that you are.
Let me share a story with you, of myself. Yay no. I, Wesleigh, feel as if my current circumstances have been shaped by the media. Allow me to shed some light on the subject:
Lately it has really come to my attention that nearly ALL my problems in life, or artificial problems if you will, have been shaped by the media. Self-esteem issues: I give you artificial images, unattainable standards set by society, judging myself based on others, although I am different in every way and can never be like them, feeling bad about my GOOD LIFE because you don't generally see peoples struggles on social media and it can seem like their lives are perfect, etc. Anger towards the world, because it is a sad broken place: Constant talk of the worlds struggles literally EVERYWHERE, I get that it's important let's just not dwell on that okay; people straying from Gods word and hurting, please come back, it's better here, and so much more. and I could go on and on (clearly I have a lot to say you feel).
Is this making any sense at all? Probably not.
The truth is, I am Wesleigh, and I cannot be anyone else, but myself, so why not love myself and reach my fullest potential.
The truth is, hope is never ever lost. The world has so much good in it, I KNOW THAT, but I let the media shield my eyes.
The truth is, the media is not a bad thing at all, no. It can be used for so much good, and it is a wonderful creation.
Let's just use it wisely, and be aware of the dangers of media, please.
You are worth so much more than you may feel, you are worth so much more than the media can make you feel. I promise you that you have great potential, we all do, REACH FOR THE STARS AND BEYOND MY FRIEND. Accept yourself for your flaws, mistakes you have made, everything.
Have compassion on yourself, and treat yourself just as you would treat anyone else (which should be with love and kindness). If you wouldn't call someone else fat, don't call yourself fat, if you wouldn't call someone else ugly, don't call yourself ugly, if you wouldn't call someone else a failure, don't call yourself a failure. Love your neighbor as you would love yourself. :)
( so there are bleed marks in this from the other side of the page, so what)
I have decided to ditch most media for the rest of the summer (with exceptions such as this). It is really just not getting me where I want to go, in fact it is holding me back. I don't like that. I going OUT TO LIVE. And I might biff it, so what, fail forward, am I right?
If you want to join me, please do. :) Feel free to use my picture if you want which you probably don't want to. Together we can leave our fingerprint in the universe, like stars in the night sky. Live elevated. Live free. Be alive. :)
Dream in Reality
The other night. I was feeling insecure, and overwhelmed. Nothing new there.
And I was sitting at my computer, studying.
It was like 9:30, and my sister came in and said that she and some people from her singles ward were going up to the towers, and asked if I wanted to come.
I was like, "Yeah, um, probably not, I have school." so she walked away.
I was like torn between going or not. I mean, they are all "return-missionaries" or around that age, so it's kinda weird when a 16 year old comes and hangs with them. You feel? But I tend to do it quite a bit.
SO ANYWAYS. I'm taking forever to get to the point.
I was torn, and finally, I shut my laptop, and was like, "screw this, I'm going on an adventure."
She hadn't left yet so I went with her. And OH MY GOODNESS. I am so glad I did.
The towers is this SUPER SUPER cool place at the mouth of our biggest canyon, above the water plant.
It's kinda a "hangout place" if you wanna call it that.
There is graffiti literally everywhere, and beer cans everywhere. But trust me, it's SO cool.
You have to walk up the mountain to it, it's not super steep, but it takes you up a ways.
But why is is so cool? Because it's a concrete JUNGLE. And I have no pictures, because it was 10pm, so you won't understand how COOL it is.
Some people were freaking doing PARKOUR, and I was like. New goal. New freaking goal.
And there were SO MANY other cool things, but I it's hard to explain.
BUT ANYWAYS.
The whole time I just felt like a FREAKING DAUNTLESS WARRIOR (which is kinda who I am through and through) and it felt so good.
It felt so good to do daring things, to live on the edge, to run FREE.
I do stuff like that all the time. But with it being finals, it just really hit me how much I love to be free, and to wander, and to try new things, and challenge myself, and break through restrictions, and routine, and all that shiz.
And mostly, it hit me how much I HATE (strong word intended) structure, and routine.
Doing the same thing everyday.
Learning the same things.
Just ew.
I am a nomad. I can't stand that. Really I cannot.
This is my last semester here at WA. And I have really loved it so much.
My first year was SO great. My second year not so much. Which is entirely my fault.
But I did my time, and I grew, and I learned SO much, but I am ready to move on. I am ready to try new things.
I am SO ready to break free and truly be myself without restrictions (okay there will definitely be restrictions #Stillliveathome).
I am READY to become confident in the things I never have been.
To throw this burden off my shoulders.
I am ready to make my dreams REALLY come true.
No more "someday".
I'm ready to just take a step back and dream in reality.
Sometimes all you have to do is forget school, and just go. Forget routine, just go.
Just freaking go.
I promise you it feels SO good.
It doesn't have to be Everest man.
It could be running down the middle of the street barefoot. Anything really.
Just live free. Dream in reality. And be HAPPY with who you are.
That is all the ramblings I have today, didn't make sense, but that's alright. My mind is a buzz, and I like it that way. :)
And I was sitting at my computer, studying.
It was like 9:30, and my sister came in and said that she and some people from her singles ward were going up to the towers, and asked if I wanted to come.
I was like, "Yeah, um, probably not, I have school." so she walked away.
I was like torn between going or not. I mean, they are all "return-missionaries" or around that age, so it's kinda weird when a 16 year old comes and hangs with them. You feel? But I tend to do it quite a bit.
SO ANYWAYS. I'm taking forever to get to the point.
I was torn, and finally, I shut my laptop, and was like, "screw this, I'm going on an adventure."
She hadn't left yet so I went with her. And OH MY GOODNESS. I am so glad I did.
The towers is this SUPER SUPER cool place at the mouth of our biggest canyon, above the water plant.
It's kinda a "hangout place" if you wanna call it that.
There is graffiti literally everywhere, and beer cans everywhere. But trust me, it's SO cool.
You have to walk up the mountain to it, it's not super steep, but it takes you up a ways.
But why is is so cool? Because it's a concrete JUNGLE. And I have no pictures, because it was 10pm, so you won't understand how COOL it is.
Some people were freaking doing PARKOUR, and I was like. New goal. New freaking goal.
And there were SO MANY other cool things, but I it's hard to explain.
BUT ANYWAYS.
The whole time I just felt like a FREAKING DAUNTLESS WARRIOR (which is kinda who I am through and through) and it felt so good.
It felt so good to do daring things, to live on the edge, to run FREE.
I do stuff like that all the time. But with it being finals, it just really hit me how much I love to be free, and to wander, and to try new things, and challenge myself, and break through restrictions, and routine, and all that shiz.
And mostly, it hit me how much I HATE (strong word intended) structure, and routine.
Doing the same thing everyday.
Learning the same things.
Just ew.
I am a nomad. I can't stand that. Really I cannot.
This is my last semester here at WA. And I have really loved it so much.
My first year was SO great. My second year not so much. Which is entirely my fault.
But I did my time, and I grew, and I learned SO much, but I am ready to move on. I am ready to try new things.
I am SO ready to break free and truly be myself without restrictions (okay there will definitely be restrictions #Stillliveathome).
I am READY to become confident in the things I never have been.
To throw this burden off my shoulders.
I am ready to make my dreams REALLY come true.
No more "someday".
I'm ready to just take a step back and dream in reality.
Sometimes all you have to do is forget school, and just go. Forget routine, just go.
Just freaking go.
I promise you it feels SO good.
It doesn't have to be Everest man.
It could be running down the middle of the street barefoot. Anything really.
Just live free. Dream in reality. And be HAPPY with who you are.
That is all the ramblings I have today, didn't make sense, but that's alright. My mind is a buzz, and I like it that way. :)
Shout it from the Rooftops....or the Internet
Have you ever gotten a burning passion and desire to do something, to be or become somebody, to change something, to learn, or experience something.
You see something and your heart swells up ten times.
Maybe even your eyes tear up.
Some nights you lay awake thinking about it.
You have those 2am motivational bursts. (Maybe that's just me)
More than anything in the world, you want this, you need it, and you can do it.
I'm guilty of experiencing all that. Not guilty, fortunate.
But then the next day, maybe your motivation dies away. Does that ever happen to you? I'm sure it does.
You can't carry on. You have no motivation. Why? What happened to that fiery passion?
It drowned in your doubts, your insecurities, your flaws, your weaknesses. It got shot down by the doubting, or judging words of others.
So you give up on that passion, that dream. You'll settle for less. It's okay. You could never make it anyways.
But then you see something, someone, somewhere, and you heart swells up, a whole zoo explodes in your stomach, and you passion flares up.
It was never gone. It was always there. Buried. Buried beneath all your doubts, insecurities, flaws, weaknesses.
You can never drown your passions. They are not random, they are your calling. No matter how much you bury them, they will never leave.
Maybe you're ashamed of your passion. Your dreams.
Why should you? You shouldn't.
Dr. Seuss was mocked for his cartoons, and books, But he didn't care. It was his passion, his dream. He loved it, and it didn't matter what anyone else said.
Don't be ashamed of your passions. Your dreams. Shout them from the rooftops. Or the internet. Let them be known.
Don't drown them in your doubts, you are more capable then you know.
Hold your head high and press on through the flaming gorge of your self doubt. The person you will become.....I can promise you it will be infinite.
If you are so passionate about something that you cannot go a day without thinking about it or calm your heart when it swells on the thought of it, don't give up on it.
Fight hard. You are a warrior. It is yours as long as you fight your hardest.
It will be hard. Your journey will be hard. But you can do it.
Promise me you'll do it.
The journey along the path of life is long. And hard.
Learn from the past, be excited for the future, and keep you eyes right in front of you. Locked on your goal.
Journey on. One step at a time.
It's yours if you are willing to claim it. Claim it proud. You are worthy of your dreams. Work hard. And it is yours.
Embrace it and be infinitely you.
---------------------
This is basically just a reminder to myself. A reminder to not be ashamed of my dreams and my passions. To not tell myself that I am not good enough, or to doubt myself. A reminder to work hard. To fight hard. A reminder to love myself throughout all my flaws. A reminder to quit being my own worst enemy. A reminder to never give up. A reminder to be infinitely me.
Just to clarify. This post is not talking about crushes in any way. I just thought I'd clarify that, because as I was writing it, I was like, "This sounds like I'm confessing my love for someone" No? Maybe it just sounded like that to me. But anyways.
Life is good! :) Remember, your dreams don't come true, unless you work your butt off to make them come true. :)
Let It Go
The more I live on this cosmic mass. The more I realize that the little things don't matter. They DO! But they don't. At least in this case.
I mean the little things like......
The one thing that that one person said. Maybe they meant it to hurt you. Maybe they didn't. But why hold on to it? It's so little. It doesn't matter. It really doesn't matter.
Or when your little brother was being annoying, and it bugged the heck out of you. Yeah. That doesn't matter.
Or when you got left out of something, and you felt lonely. That freaking hurts! But guess what? It doesn't matter unless you let it.
Or when your little brother was being annoying, and it bugged the heck out of you. Yeah. That doesn't matter.
Or when you got left out of something, and you felt lonely. That freaking hurts! But guess what? It doesn't matter unless you let it.
Honestly. Is it going to bother you or even matter in a year from now? Or two seconds latter. Or a day latter. A year latter. Or what? Most likely it's not.
Brace yourself for a super stupid analogy.
Today I was out for a run. It was cold. I did not want to go because I hate running but I love running and ya know! Love/hate relationship baby. So I forced my self out the door screaming (in my head, I'm not crazy, obviously....ha. ha.) that that half marathon wasn't going to run itself.
BUT ANYWAYS. Where am I even going with this. I was running. and I was like "The inversion, it's killing my lungs, they burn, I'M GOING TO DIE. God bless me! I'm going to collapse on the side of the road, and no one is going to notice me. and then some organ dealer is going to take my body and sale my organs on the internet. I should just stop running. This sucks. I'm literally going to die."
But. Breaking news guys. When I got home. I was just fine. I didn't die. My organs were not sold on the internet. They are still here as far as I know and yeaaah. I was just fine!
It was a little minuscule thing. All I had to do was sing along to my music, and put a smile on my face. Enduring all the way.
It was a little minuscule thing. All I had to do was sing along to my music, and put a smile on my face. Enduring all the way.
So. That made no sense. Congrats Wesleigh.
But yeah. What I'm trying to say. Looking at the big span of things, these little everyday things, they don't matter! They may seem like they matter in the moment, but they don't. They won't matter tomorrow. Or the next day. Next year. Next life.
UNLESS. You eat poison, that matters. Or you wonder what that red buttons does, that definitely matters.
But really. Just let it go. Don't stress about those little things that really just don't matter.
Live your life to the fullest! :)
I'll Follow It
Hi I'm Wesleigh. I want to travel the world. Not just travel the world. I want to freaking EXPERIENCE the world.
This big cosmic mass of earth was meant for me to explore. and you too.
I want to just pack my bag and go. Maybe take a friend or two. Just a small bag, with some clothes and maybe a few meaningful things. I'd book a flight to some random destination and just go. I'd feel so free.
I would bike through the streets. Make new friends. People I've never met. I'd cross my fingers that I wouldn't get kidnapped or wrapped up in some cult or mob. Ya know. But it'd be okay. Live in the moment. Don't worry. I'd be just fine.
When my piggy bank got empty, that's okay, I'd try to find a job, or surf some couches.
Did I mention that I might have no common sense? That's okay. Hakuna Matata bro.
I would definitely capture the world through the lens of my camera.
I'd climb mountains. So many mountains and look out on the beautiful world.
I would serve people, and maybe make a difference in their lives.
I'd be a nomad. A vagabond. My heart was meant to wander.
I'd leave my mark on every place I ever went, and it'd leave a mark on my heart.
I would experience the culture.
The adventures would be endless. I can just see them.
I want to dance under the stars with little children.
I want to work a million different jobs. You can never have too much experience. Maybe work in a coffee shop in Paris, or design websites for some company in London, sale shoes in China, nanny for some family in Italy, work on a cruise ship in the middle of the ocean, or an airline way up in the sky.
Forget the stress. Leave it all behind. We were never meant to stress so much anyways.
I could learn to surf, ride a penny board through the streets of London.
The smile on my sun-kissed face would be permanent.
I'd volunteer with pandas, and teach English to children.
I'd spread my big heart across the entire globe. :)
Eventually I'd come home, embrace my friends and family with welcome arms.
I would graduate from college and look back on all the adventures I had. Maybe I'd go on to Medical School and then I could pack up my things and move to Africa where I could be a doctor. Maybe, I dunno.
Somewhere along that journey I'd fall in love with someone great, and we'd get married and raise a beautiful family together.
We'd tell our kids of all our adventures, and share our profound love for life with them. :)
Maybe I'm crazy. Or maybe I'm just following my heart. Following it to the top of the highest mountains. Following it through the streets of Spain, Following it though the desert. Wherever it goes, I'll follow it.
Follow your heart, okay? Forget what the world says. Your heart knows best. :)
This big cosmic mass of earth was meant for me to explore. and you too.
I want to just pack my bag and go. Maybe take a friend or two. Just a small bag, with some clothes and maybe a few meaningful things. I'd book a flight to some random destination and just go. I'd feel so free.
I would bike through the streets. Make new friends. People I've never met. I'd cross my fingers that I wouldn't get kidnapped or wrapped up in some cult or mob. Ya know. But it'd be okay. Live in the moment. Don't worry. I'd be just fine.
When my piggy bank got empty, that's okay, I'd try to find a job, or surf some couches.
Did I mention that I might have no common sense? That's okay. Hakuna Matata bro.
I would definitely capture the world through the lens of my camera.
I'd climb mountains. So many mountains and look out on the beautiful world.
I would serve people, and maybe make a difference in their lives.
I'd be a nomad. A vagabond. My heart was meant to wander.
I'd leave my mark on every place I ever went, and it'd leave a mark on my heart.
I would experience the culture.
The adventures would be endless. I can just see them.
I want to dance under the stars with little children.
I want to work a million different jobs. You can never have too much experience. Maybe work in a coffee shop in Paris, or design websites for some company in London, sale shoes in China, nanny for some family in Italy, work on a cruise ship in the middle of the ocean, or an airline way up in the sky.
Forget the stress. Leave it all behind. We were never meant to stress so much anyways.
I could learn to surf, ride a penny board through the streets of London.
The smile on my sun-kissed face would be permanent.
I'd volunteer with pandas, and teach English to children.
I'd spread my big heart across the entire globe. :)
Eventually I'd come home, embrace my friends and family with welcome arms.
I would graduate from college and look back on all the adventures I had. Maybe I'd go on to Medical School and then I could pack up my things and move to Africa where I could be a doctor. Maybe, I dunno.
Somewhere along that journey I'd fall in love with someone great, and we'd get married and raise a beautiful family together.
We'd tell our kids of all our adventures, and share our profound love for life with them. :)
Maybe I'm crazy. Or maybe I'm just following my heart. Following it to the top of the highest mountains. Following it through the streets of Spain, Following it though the desert. Wherever it goes, I'll follow it.
Follow your heart, okay? Forget what the world says. Your heart knows best. :)
Quiet by Choice
Hello. Hi. Hey. Hola.
Today, I would like to address the misconception of Quiet vs. Shy.
Am I the only one that doesn't like it when people call you shy? I mean, some people are shy, yes. That's okay! But I am not shy. Quiet sometimes. But not shy. There is a difference.
I dedicate this post to all those like me! haha
Let's consult the dictionary.....
The dictionaries definition of Shy is....
1. Bashful; retiring.
2. Easily frightened away. timid.
3. Suspicious; distrustful.
4. Reluctant; wary.
Yeah. See? I'm not shy.
Now, the dictionaries definition of Quiet......
- Restrained in speech, manner, etc.; saying little
- Free from disturbance or tumult; tranquil; peaceful: a quiet life.
Hah! It all makes sense now, right?
Honestly, I don't mind being quiet. I like listening, I feel like you learn and gain SO much more when you don't talk as much. I feels much more connected to the earth, and myself when I don't talk as much. I like quiet.
The world is SO SO SO noisy!
But let's face it, I'm not shy, just quiet by choice. I'm a super crazy person. But I choose to be quiet sometimes. The world seems so much more peaceful when you're quiet.
Sometimes I am a little shy, but I'm usually not.
I'm done ranting now. :)
Have a beautiful day! Life is good. :)
love, Wesleigh
Today, I would like to address the misconception of Quiet vs. Shy.
Am I the only one that doesn't like it when people call you shy? I mean, some people are shy, yes. That's okay! But I am not shy. Quiet sometimes. But not shy. There is a difference.
I dedicate this post to all those like me! haha
Let's consult the dictionary.....
The dictionaries definition of Shy is....
1. Bashful; retiring.
2. Easily frightened away. timid.
3. Suspicious; distrustful.
4. Reluctant; wary.
Yeah. See? I'm not shy.
Now, the dictionaries definition of Quiet......
- Restrained in speech, manner, etc.; saying little
- Free from disturbance or tumult; tranquil; peaceful: a quiet life.
Hah! It all makes sense now, right?
Honestly, I don't mind being quiet. I like listening, I feel like you learn and gain SO much more when you don't talk as much. I feels much more connected to the earth, and myself when I don't talk as much. I like quiet.
The world is SO SO SO noisy!
But let's face it, I'm not shy, just quiet by choice. I'm a super crazy person. But I choose to be quiet sometimes. The world seems so much more peaceful when you're quiet.
Sometimes I am a little shy, but I'm usually not.
I'm done ranting now. :)
Have a beautiful day! Life is good. :)
love, Wesleigh
"I'm so happy yet so sad! It's like a perfect storm of emotion."
^That is me right now. I'm just so happy! Yet so sad......it's like a perfect storm of emotion. It balances everything out.
I'm so sad because life really sucks sometimes. I fail at everything, I'm so behind in school. I got hit by the homework truck from hell and fell into the ocean of never ending homework and now I'm drowning! Heeeelp. I want a job, but my parents won't let me. it's a rather confusing situation I have so many dreams, and goals but I feel like I'll never achieve them, I don't know how, and it's oh so conflicting. and I reaaaally just want a piece of bread! But I can't have it, and it's so depressing. *munches cucumbers* and I really want to go adventuring and stuff and.... *sigh*
But then.....
I'M SO HAPPY! AH! Life is just so beautiful and wonderful, and so happy, and I'm just soooo so blessed. I have such good friends and family and I love them to death. And my school is so amazing even though it is so freakin' hard and I think I might die, I love it. Life is so good! I love it. :)
So many feels right now.
So life is freakin' hard, ya know? But then it's so good, and I'm so blessed. There is always more good than bad in your/my life.(:
I worry if I'll ever achieve my goals/life long dreams blah blah. But ya know what? The things we want never come easy or free to us, we have to work for them! If we work our butts off and try our absolute hardest to achieve them, then we'll be even more grateful for them!
Honestly, when was the last time I tried my absolute hardest to achieve something brilliantly amazing? I have no idea. But it's gonna happen.
"The worst things in life come free to us." It's so true. But why not be grateful for our trials, our challenges, the things that totally suck in life? Because really, the make us so much better! They make us stronger and braver. They make us who we are.
But guess what! The best things in life also come free to us. That's our family, and our friends, etc. Man, we're just so blessed. I challenge you to write down 5 wonderful things in your life, that came free to you. I bet you could name even more.
Life is so good(: Shoot for the stars! Stay positive! Love a lot! Dream lots! and don't forget to smile. :)
love, Wesleigh :)
How much do you want it?
That's a question I've been asking myself a lot lately. How much do I want it? Am I willing to do what it takes?
Education has always been really important to me. I've always known that, and I've always said that. But have I acted on that? Eh, probably not.
I can honestly say that I've worked REALLY hard on my school. But, more so in the last-minute-procrastination kind of way. Not the dedicated-on-top-of-things way.
If my education is so important to me, why don't I act like it's important to me?
Am I willing to put aside the distractions of social medias and sacrifice the less important things like movies, books for the most important?
Guys, school starts in less than three weeks and I still have to finish up my summer courses. Yikes.
I am bouncing between excited and utterly freaked out. Excited because I love to learn and I go to the best school on the planet. No debate. Freaked out because I am easily distracted and un-dedicated.
So, I making a commitment to myself. As school is starting, I will put aside my distractions. I will be dedicated. I am wiling to do what it takes. Because I want it that bad.
I'm so stressed out for school and it hasn't even began. Oh man. The stress of balancing out my education, work, trying to make a difference in the world, exercising, spending time with friends and family, my religion, adventure. *takes a deep breath*
How I am going to do it, I don't know. All I can do is put a smile on my face, work as hard as I can and trust in the Lord and he will help me make it through. :)
I chose this path. Am I going to stay on it? I'm going to work my butt off to stay on this path. Nothing can stand in my way.
What do you want? How much do you want it? Are you willing to do what it takes to get it?
You are capable of achieving your dreams, you wants. You are. You are stronger that you know. Don't ever doubt it.
You may or may not believe in God. But I do, and I'm telling you, that he will help you. Sure he throws trials at you, but if you just trust in him, it'll be for the best.
Together we can all make our lives the best. The only person holding us back is ourselves.
I wish you the best in everything! Whatever you are facing, I know you can do it. :) Put a smile on and just embrace the ups and the downs. :)
Thank you for reading! :)
love Wesleigh
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