Sometimes I get caught up in all the negativity of the world and feel as if I am slowly sinking in quicksand. It hurts, and it makes me sad and I tend to get really upset at the world. BECAUSE THIS IS NOT HOW THIS BEAUTIFUL WORLD IS SUPPOSED TO BE YOU FEEL.
But then I see something beautiful, or someone is really spectacular, or life just reminds me that it's good and I am reminded that hope is never lost.
HOPE IS NEVER LOST GUYS AND THAT'S COMFORTING. REALLY COMFORTING.
And I just wanted to say that.
Because sometimes it feels like you are all alone in a crowd of creatures just like yourself, or that you are drowning under all the burdens you have been given but KEEP YOUR HEAD UP BECAUSE BABY THERE IS HOPE.
Just have faith and I promise you the best will come. :)
Does Media Shape Your Life? Or Nah?
In the generation we live in today, it often seems like media shapes our lives, and I don't like that.
What is media, you are probably not wondering. It is a vile retched trap, that can also be wondrous if used right. (Example: Wesleigh uses it wrong. The LDS church uses it right.) There are many types or media-in my opinion- print media (newspaper, magazines), broadcasting media (tv, news, radio and we'll just throw movies in there too), and internet (facebook, blogs, twitter, all social media)! Yay no.
Let's be completely honest here shall we. I Wesleigh, am addicted to media. WHO it thinks I must be, WHAT so-in-so is doing, that blog, Twitter, Facebook, so-in-so's diet plan, Instagram, Pinterest, YouTube, Netflix, Tv, Movies....let's stop there.
Shameful right? I HATE that I am addicted to it. Although it is completely within my power to break that addiction, and I intend to do so. I hate that I listen to the voice of the world. I hate how artificial everything is. I hate the cruel judgment weighing on me and everyone. I hate that news casters feel like sharing a majority of negative things, rather than good. I hate how the world has strayed so far from religious values.
All in all, I really just hate how it shapes my life and others.
The majority of self-esteem issues come from artificial images and ideas sent from the media, and not to mention eating disorders. A large part of depression is media driven. Excessive time spent on some types of media can actually shorten and put your life at risk. Children these days act so different than they should, the media blurs our minds, creating artificial and fake lives. I could go on and on, but I won't because that would take ages and I do not have ages to waste here, and sadly I've already wasted enough.
BUT I REALLY JUST WANT TO GET THIS OUT OKAY.
Obviously the effects of media are large and vast in the world today. Their effects are felt by everyone in same way or another. Whether you feel affected by it or not, I promise you that you are.
Let me share a story with you, of myself. Yay no. I, Wesleigh, feel as if my current circumstances have been shaped by the media. Allow me to shed some light on the subject:
Lately it has really come to my attention that nearly ALL my problems in life, or artificial problems if you will, have been shaped by the media. Self-esteem issues: I give you artificial images, unattainable standards set by society, judging myself based on others, although I am different in every way and can never be like them, feeling bad about my GOOD LIFE because you don't generally see peoples struggles on social media and it can seem like their lives are perfect, etc. Anger towards the world, because it is a sad broken place: Constant talk of the worlds struggles literally EVERYWHERE, I get that it's important let's just not dwell on that okay; people straying from Gods word and hurting, please come back, it's better here, and so much more. and I could go on and on (clearly I have a lot to say you feel).
Is this making any sense at all? Probably not.
The truth is, I am Wesleigh, and I cannot be anyone else, but myself, so why not love myself and reach my fullest potential.
The truth is, hope is never ever lost. The world has so much good in it, I KNOW THAT, but I let the media shield my eyes.
The truth is, the media is not a bad thing at all, no. It can be used for so much good, and it is a wonderful creation.
Let's just use it wisely, and be aware of the dangers of media, please.
You are worth so much more than you may feel, you are worth so much more than the media can make you feel. I promise you that you have great potential, we all do, REACH FOR THE STARS AND BEYOND MY FRIEND. Accept yourself for your flaws, mistakes you have made, everything.
Have compassion on yourself, and treat yourself just as you would treat anyone else (which should be with love and kindness). If you wouldn't call someone else fat, don't call yourself fat, if you wouldn't call someone else ugly, don't call yourself ugly, if you wouldn't call someone else a failure, don't call yourself a failure. Love your neighbor as you would love yourself. :)
( so there are bleed marks in this from the other side of the page, so what)
I have decided to ditch most media for the rest of the summer (with exceptions such as this). It is really just not getting me where I want to go, in fact it is holding me back. I don't like that. I going OUT TO LIVE. And I might biff it, so what, fail forward, am I right?
If you want to join me, please do. :) Feel free to use my picture if you want which you probably don't want to. Together we can leave our fingerprint in the universe, like stars in the night sky. Live elevated. Live free. Be alive. :)
they must go on lots of adventures
Every time I see a VW van cruising along the road, I shout, "Hey look it's my car! They must go on lots of
adventures."
A VW van is my DREAM car.
I want to buy one, remodel it all cute, and then get some friends and go on road trips.
Not only would we go on road trips but we would go on LOTS and LOTS of adventures.
That's my dream. And I am more than determined to make it happen okay.
The other day we were hauling through my favorite canyon on our way to clean my vacation house.
My favorite aunt was driving. Thus the "hauling through the canyon part"
A VW van passed us and I lit up and shouted the usual, "HEY LOOK IT'S MY CAR! Man they must go on lots of adventures."
My aunt smiled and was like, "Michael always wanted one of those. He was going to fill it up with friends and go on road trips."
Great. Yup. The tears came and good thing I was wearing sunglasses.
Those things are life savers for emotional criers like me ;)
Michael is my awesome Marine cousin. He was killed in Iraq in 2004. And I just looked up to him SO SO much. He was my hero.
Hearing that just made me EVEN MORE determined to get that car.
So there you have it.
There are SO many VW vans where I live, and every time I see one, my heart swells up with a longing of adventure.
I'll fill it up with all my climbing gear, put a surf board on the top (because one day I'll surf I tell you), throw my slackline in there along with a longboard (because I'm going to learn how to ride one of those too), lots of blankets and sleeping bags, and all the shiz.
It'll smell like coconut and peppermint, and campgrounds, sunshine, and good times.
People will look at us cruising along the highway, our skin sun-kissed, our hearts happy, and they'll say, "Hey, they must go on a lot of adventures." and we will.
adventures."
A VW van is my DREAM car.
I want to buy one, remodel it all cute, and then get some friends and go on road trips.
Not only would we go on road trips but we would go on LOTS and LOTS of adventures.
That's my dream. And I am more than determined to make it happen okay.
The other day we were hauling through my favorite canyon on our way to clean my vacation house.
My favorite aunt was driving. Thus the "hauling through the canyon part"
A VW van passed us and I lit up and shouted the usual, "HEY LOOK IT'S MY CAR! Man they must go on lots of adventures."
My aunt smiled and was like, "Michael always wanted one of those. He was going to fill it up with friends and go on road trips."
Great. Yup. The tears came and good thing I was wearing sunglasses.
Those things are life savers for emotional criers like me ;)
Michael is my awesome Marine cousin. He was killed in Iraq in 2004. And I just looked up to him SO SO much. He was my hero.
Hearing that just made me EVEN MORE determined to get that car.
So there you have it.
There are SO many VW vans where I live, and every time I see one, my heart swells up with a longing of adventure.
I'll fill it up with all my climbing gear, put a surf board on the top (because one day I'll surf I tell you), throw my slackline in there along with a longboard (because I'm going to learn how to ride one of those too), lots of blankets and sleeping bags, and all the shiz.
It'll smell like coconut and peppermint, and campgrounds, sunshine, and good times.
People will look at us cruising along the highway, our skin sun-kissed, our hearts happy, and they'll say, "Hey, they must go on a lot of adventures." and we will.
Routine. Being busy. Ah Life.
I feel like the majority of my post have "Life" in the title. Which is probably true. Oh well.
Life. I don't really know what to think of it.
I KNOW what I want in my life.
I'm just struggling to GET it.
I just feel like my life is SO SO out of control.
I am always rushing rushing.
Cramming to get something done. Rushing to work. Rushing to my next job. Rushing to be with friends. RUSHING. CRAMMING. NO.
I hate routine. It is a deadly, and sometimes comforting trap. And I am coming to close to the edge, and life is threatening to push me in.
I just wanna do what I wanna do when I wanna do it and BE who I wanna do and go where I wanna go and learn what I wanna learn and just ahhhhhhhhhhhh.
But you know, that's not really how life works.
I've always been a laid back, go with the flow rebellious person.
Is.....that even possible?
I think I hold things in too much. Because I'm not sure HOW to deal with them, or what to do.
I mean I know how, I just don't want to.
To embarrass myself, make people hate me, etc.
Just.....when am I going to get a grip on life? IF EVER. IF FREAKING EVER.
It is 12:30am, I am waiting for pictures to download because I clearly have my priorities straight. Am I right?
Not only that, I slept in until 12 today. So. Yeah. That's great. Not to mention I stayed up till 3 yesterday.
And I work five jobs. Mostly two.
Wow doesn't that sound so together? Yup. SO SO TOGETHER.
I KNOW WHAT I WANT WHY CAN'T I JUST DO IT.
WHY IS MAKING DREAMS COME TRUE SO FREAKING HARD.
WHY IS LIFE SO FREAKING HARD.
Okay bai.
Life. I don't really know what to think of it.
I KNOW what I want in my life.
I'm just struggling to GET it.
I just feel like my life is SO SO out of control.
I am always rushing rushing.
Cramming to get something done. Rushing to work. Rushing to my next job. Rushing to be with friends. RUSHING. CRAMMING. NO.
I hate routine. It is a deadly, and sometimes comforting trap. And I am coming to close to the edge, and life is threatening to push me in.
I just wanna do what I wanna do when I wanna do it and BE who I wanna do and go where I wanna go and learn what I wanna learn and just ahhhhhhhhhhhh.
But you know, that's not really how life works.
I've always been a laid back, go with the flow rebellious person.
Is.....that even possible?
I think I hold things in too much. Because I'm not sure HOW to deal with them, or what to do.
I mean I know how, I just don't want to.
To embarrass myself, make people hate me, etc.
Just.....when am I going to get a grip on life? IF EVER. IF FREAKING EVER.
It is 12:30am, I am waiting for pictures to download because I clearly have my priorities straight. Am I right?
Not only that, I slept in until 12 today. So. Yeah. That's great. Not to mention I stayed up till 3 yesterday.
And I work five jobs. Mostly two.
Wow doesn't that sound so together? Yup. SO SO TOGETHER.
I KNOW WHAT I WANT WHY CAN'T I JUST DO IT.
WHY IS MAKING DREAMS COME TRUE SO FREAKING HARD.
WHY IS LIFE SO FREAKING HARD.
Okay bai.
Dream in Reality
The other night. I was feeling insecure, and overwhelmed. Nothing new there.
And I was sitting at my computer, studying.
It was like 9:30, and my sister came in and said that she and some people from her singles ward were going up to the towers, and asked if I wanted to come.
I was like, "Yeah, um, probably not, I have school." so she walked away.
I was like torn between going or not. I mean, they are all "return-missionaries" or around that age, so it's kinda weird when a 16 year old comes and hangs with them. You feel? But I tend to do it quite a bit.
SO ANYWAYS. I'm taking forever to get to the point.
I was torn, and finally, I shut my laptop, and was like, "screw this, I'm going on an adventure."
She hadn't left yet so I went with her. And OH MY GOODNESS. I am so glad I did.
The towers is this SUPER SUPER cool place at the mouth of our biggest canyon, above the water plant.
It's kinda a "hangout place" if you wanna call it that.
There is graffiti literally everywhere, and beer cans everywhere. But trust me, it's SO cool.
You have to walk up the mountain to it, it's not super steep, but it takes you up a ways.
But why is is so cool? Because it's a concrete JUNGLE. And I have no pictures, because it was 10pm, so you won't understand how COOL it is.
Some people were freaking doing PARKOUR, and I was like. New goal. New freaking goal.
And there were SO MANY other cool things, but I it's hard to explain.
BUT ANYWAYS.
The whole time I just felt like a FREAKING DAUNTLESS WARRIOR (which is kinda who I am through and through) and it felt so good.
It felt so good to do daring things, to live on the edge, to run FREE.
I do stuff like that all the time. But with it being finals, it just really hit me how much I love to be free, and to wander, and to try new things, and challenge myself, and break through restrictions, and routine, and all that shiz.
And mostly, it hit me how much I HATE (strong word intended) structure, and routine.
Doing the same thing everyday.
Learning the same things.
Just ew.
I am a nomad. I can't stand that. Really I cannot.
This is my last semester here at WA. And I have really loved it so much.
My first year was SO great. My second year not so much. Which is entirely my fault.
But I did my time, and I grew, and I learned SO much, but I am ready to move on. I am ready to try new things.
I am SO ready to break free and truly be myself without restrictions (okay there will definitely be restrictions #Stillliveathome).
I am READY to become confident in the things I never have been.
To throw this burden off my shoulders.
I am ready to make my dreams REALLY come true.
No more "someday".
I'm ready to just take a step back and dream in reality.
Sometimes all you have to do is forget school, and just go. Forget routine, just go.
Just freaking go.
I promise you it feels SO good.
It doesn't have to be Everest man.
It could be running down the middle of the street barefoot. Anything really.
Just live free. Dream in reality. And be HAPPY with who you are.
That is all the ramblings I have today, didn't make sense, but that's alright. My mind is a buzz, and I like it that way. :)
And I was sitting at my computer, studying.
It was like 9:30, and my sister came in and said that she and some people from her singles ward were going up to the towers, and asked if I wanted to come.
I was like, "Yeah, um, probably not, I have school." so she walked away.
I was like torn between going or not. I mean, they are all "return-missionaries" or around that age, so it's kinda weird when a 16 year old comes and hangs with them. You feel? But I tend to do it quite a bit.
SO ANYWAYS. I'm taking forever to get to the point.
I was torn, and finally, I shut my laptop, and was like, "screw this, I'm going on an adventure."
She hadn't left yet so I went with her. And OH MY GOODNESS. I am so glad I did.
The towers is this SUPER SUPER cool place at the mouth of our biggest canyon, above the water plant.
It's kinda a "hangout place" if you wanna call it that.
There is graffiti literally everywhere, and beer cans everywhere. But trust me, it's SO cool.
You have to walk up the mountain to it, it's not super steep, but it takes you up a ways.
But why is is so cool? Because it's a concrete JUNGLE. And I have no pictures, because it was 10pm, so you won't understand how COOL it is.
Some people were freaking doing PARKOUR, and I was like. New goal. New freaking goal.
And there were SO MANY other cool things, but I it's hard to explain.
BUT ANYWAYS.
The whole time I just felt like a FREAKING DAUNTLESS WARRIOR (which is kinda who I am through and through) and it felt so good.
It felt so good to do daring things, to live on the edge, to run FREE.
I do stuff like that all the time. But with it being finals, it just really hit me how much I love to be free, and to wander, and to try new things, and challenge myself, and break through restrictions, and routine, and all that shiz.
And mostly, it hit me how much I HATE (strong word intended) structure, and routine.
Doing the same thing everyday.
Learning the same things.
Just ew.
I am a nomad. I can't stand that. Really I cannot.
This is my last semester here at WA. And I have really loved it so much.
My first year was SO great. My second year not so much. Which is entirely my fault.
But I did my time, and I grew, and I learned SO much, but I am ready to move on. I am ready to try new things.
I am SO ready to break free and truly be myself without restrictions (okay there will definitely be restrictions #Stillliveathome).
I am READY to become confident in the things I never have been.
To throw this burden off my shoulders.
I am ready to make my dreams REALLY come true.
No more "someday".
I'm ready to just take a step back and dream in reality.
Sometimes all you have to do is forget school, and just go. Forget routine, just go.
Just freaking go.
I promise you it feels SO good.
It doesn't have to be Everest man.
It could be running down the middle of the street barefoot. Anything really.
Just live free. Dream in reality. And be HAPPY with who you are.
That is all the ramblings I have today, didn't make sense, but that's alright. My mind is a buzz, and I like it that way. :)
Life
Um Hi. Can we just talk about how much growing up sucks and just like....life man? Life.
Ayyyeeeee.
Like all these big decisions like, "what am I going to do with my life", and "what career am I going to go after", and "do I want to continue taking piano", and "do I want to sleep in today", "wow I should stop getting fat", and and and yeaaaaah.
Like really I just want to be a child and play out in the backyard and climb trees and ride my back around the block AND NOT DO FREAKING SCHOOL. Please?
Erm erm. Let's be clear though. I love to learn, but school?....naaaaaaahhhh.
And like sometimes life just gets super duper overwhelming. Ya feel?
Like instead of sitting on my butt I would rather be working at all my 4 and counting wonderful jobs. Or exploring the mountains, or learning about herbs, and foraging and all that jazz. LIKE REALLY.
I mean. Ya know how you are younger and you're like *switches to prissy girl voice* "Oh my gosh, when I am 16, I'll like, Have it SO GOOD. I'll probably be like, a famous super model, and have like, my own island, and like, have a BF, and like, OMG, just like, I know it'll be perfect when I'm older, cuz everyone says it just gets better right?" *WHILE YOU SIT ON THE COUCH AND EAT POTATO CHIPS*
Right so I'm 16. And lemme check, WOW, look at that, I'm not famous super model, and...um, is this an island? Yeah. Pretty sure it's not. Hmm. Crap! Wasn't it supposed to be better now? Pshhhhh.
Liesssssssssss.
But wait, it only gets better if you make it better right?
But wait, it only gets better if you make it better right?
But really though. I mean, I love my life. Really truly. But I could definitely say I'm getting a little tired of all the things God throws at me. Although, I'm grateful for the strength they give me, and who they are helping me to become, and yeah yeah.
But I just realize how important it is to LIVE IN THE MOMENT man. Really truly. Stop living in the hopes that your future will be the bomb.com and MAKE NOW THE FREAKING BOMB.COM
Okay?
Mostly I'm just telling that to myself. Today is a good day to have that awesome life, eh? Yeah it is.
You'll never achieve the things you REALLY DESIRE unless you MAKE THEM HAPPEN.
Also, have some patience? It'll happen, all in good time.
And life is really, REALLY beautiful! AGH. Like, I just feel so fortunate to have my life, even though sometimes it really sucks, I have it so much better than most. *feels*
And that is it folks. Just some random ramblings from yours truly. Do something awesome today because LIFE IS THE BEST. :)
Shout it from the Rooftops....or the Internet
Have you ever gotten a burning passion and desire to do something, to be or become somebody, to change something, to learn, or experience something.
You see something and your heart swells up ten times.
Maybe even your eyes tear up.
Some nights you lay awake thinking about it.
You have those 2am motivational bursts. (Maybe that's just me)
More than anything in the world, you want this, you need it, and you can do it.
I'm guilty of experiencing all that. Not guilty, fortunate.
But then the next day, maybe your motivation dies away. Does that ever happen to you? I'm sure it does.
You can't carry on. You have no motivation. Why? What happened to that fiery passion?
It drowned in your doubts, your insecurities, your flaws, your weaknesses. It got shot down by the doubting, or judging words of others.
So you give up on that passion, that dream. You'll settle for less. It's okay. You could never make it anyways.
But then you see something, someone, somewhere, and you heart swells up, a whole zoo explodes in your stomach, and you passion flares up.
It was never gone. It was always there. Buried. Buried beneath all your doubts, insecurities, flaws, weaknesses.
You can never drown your passions. They are not random, they are your calling. No matter how much you bury them, they will never leave.
Maybe you're ashamed of your passion. Your dreams.
Why should you? You shouldn't.
Dr. Seuss was mocked for his cartoons, and books, But he didn't care. It was his passion, his dream. He loved it, and it didn't matter what anyone else said.
Don't be ashamed of your passions. Your dreams. Shout them from the rooftops. Or the internet. Let them be known.
Don't drown them in your doubts, you are more capable then you know.
Hold your head high and press on through the flaming gorge of your self doubt. The person you will become.....I can promise you it will be infinite.
If you are so passionate about something that you cannot go a day without thinking about it or calm your heart when it swells on the thought of it, don't give up on it.
Fight hard. You are a warrior. It is yours as long as you fight your hardest.
It will be hard. Your journey will be hard. But you can do it.
Promise me you'll do it.
The journey along the path of life is long. And hard.
Learn from the past, be excited for the future, and keep you eyes right in front of you. Locked on your goal.
Journey on. One step at a time.
It's yours if you are willing to claim it. Claim it proud. You are worthy of your dreams. Work hard. And it is yours.
Embrace it and be infinitely you.
---------------------
This is basically just a reminder to myself. A reminder to not be ashamed of my dreams and my passions. To not tell myself that I am not good enough, or to doubt myself. A reminder to work hard. To fight hard. A reminder to love myself throughout all my flaws. A reminder to quit being my own worst enemy. A reminder to never give up. A reminder to be infinitely me.
Just to clarify. This post is not talking about crushes in any way. I just thought I'd clarify that, because as I was writing it, I was like, "This sounds like I'm confessing my love for someone" No? Maybe it just sounded like that to me. But anyways.
Life is good! :) Remember, your dreams don't come true, unless you work your butt off to make them come true. :)
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