I feel like the majority of my post have "Life" in the title. Which is probably true. Oh well.
Life. I don't really know what to think of it.
I KNOW what I want in my life.
I'm just struggling to GET it.
I just feel like my life is SO SO out of control.
I am always rushing rushing.
Cramming to get something done. Rushing to work. Rushing to my next job. Rushing to be with friends. RUSHING. CRAMMING. NO.
I hate routine. It is a deadly, and sometimes comforting trap. And I am coming to close to the edge, and life is threatening to push me in.
I just wanna do what I wanna do when I wanna do it and BE who I wanna do and go where I wanna go and learn what I wanna learn and just ahhhhhhhhhhhh.
But you know, that's not really how life works.
I've always been a laid back, go with the flow rebellious person.
Is.....that even possible?
I think I hold things in too much. Because I'm not sure HOW to deal with them, or what to do.
I mean I know how, I just don't want to.
To embarrass myself, make people hate me, etc.
Just.....when am I going to get a grip on life? IF EVER. IF FREAKING EVER.
It is 12:30am, I am waiting for pictures to download because I clearly have my priorities straight. Am I right?
Not only that, I slept in until 12 today. So. Yeah. That's great. Not to mention I stayed up till 3 yesterday.
And I work five jobs. Mostly two.
Wow doesn't that sound so together? Yup. SO SO TOGETHER.
I KNOW WHAT I WANT WHY CAN'T I JUST DO IT.
WHY IS MAKING DREAMS COME TRUE SO FREAKING HARD.
WHY IS LIFE SO FREAKING HARD.
Okay bai.
Dream in Reality
The other night. I was feeling insecure, and overwhelmed. Nothing new there.
And I was sitting at my computer, studying.
It was like 9:30, and my sister came in and said that she and some people from her singles ward were going up to the towers, and asked if I wanted to come.
I was like, "Yeah, um, probably not, I have school." so she walked away.
I was like torn between going or not. I mean, they are all "return-missionaries" or around that age, so it's kinda weird when a 16 year old comes and hangs with them. You feel? But I tend to do it quite a bit.
SO ANYWAYS. I'm taking forever to get to the point.
I was torn, and finally, I shut my laptop, and was like, "screw this, I'm going on an adventure."
She hadn't left yet so I went with her. And OH MY GOODNESS. I am so glad I did.
The towers is this SUPER SUPER cool place at the mouth of our biggest canyon, above the water plant.
It's kinda a "hangout place" if you wanna call it that.
There is graffiti literally everywhere, and beer cans everywhere. But trust me, it's SO cool.
You have to walk up the mountain to it, it's not super steep, but it takes you up a ways.
But why is is so cool? Because it's a concrete JUNGLE. And I have no pictures, because it was 10pm, so you won't understand how COOL it is.
Some people were freaking doing PARKOUR, and I was like. New goal. New freaking goal.
And there were SO MANY other cool things, but I it's hard to explain.
BUT ANYWAYS.
The whole time I just felt like a FREAKING DAUNTLESS WARRIOR (which is kinda who I am through and through) and it felt so good.
It felt so good to do daring things, to live on the edge, to run FREE.
I do stuff like that all the time. But with it being finals, it just really hit me how much I love to be free, and to wander, and to try new things, and challenge myself, and break through restrictions, and routine, and all that shiz.
And mostly, it hit me how much I HATE (strong word intended) structure, and routine.
Doing the same thing everyday.
Learning the same things.
Just ew.
I am a nomad. I can't stand that. Really I cannot.
This is my last semester here at WA. And I have really loved it so much.
My first year was SO great. My second year not so much. Which is entirely my fault.
But I did my time, and I grew, and I learned SO much, but I am ready to move on. I am ready to try new things.
I am SO ready to break free and truly be myself without restrictions (okay there will definitely be restrictions #Stillliveathome).
I am READY to become confident in the things I never have been.
To throw this burden off my shoulders.
I am ready to make my dreams REALLY come true.
No more "someday".
I'm ready to just take a step back and dream in reality.
Sometimes all you have to do is forget school, and just go. Forget routine, just go.
Just freaking go.
I promise you it feels SO good.
It doesn't have to be Everest man.
It could be running down the middle of the street barefoot. Anything really.
Just live free. Dream in reality. And be HAPPY with who you are.
That is all the ramblings I have today, didn't make sense, but that's alright. My mind is a buzz, and I like it that way. :)
And I was sitting at my computer, studying.
It was like 9:30, and my sister came in and said that she and some people from her singles ward were going up to the towers, and asked if I wanted to come.
I was like, "Yeah, um, probably not, I have school." so she walked away.
I was like torn between going or not. I mean, they are all "return-missionaries" or around that age, so it's kinda weird when a 16 year old comes and hangs with them. You feel? But I tend to do it quite a bit.
SO ANYWAYS. I'm taking forever to get to the point.
I was torn, and finally, I shut my laptop, and was like, "screw this, I'm going on an adventure."
She hadn't left yet so I went with her. And OH MY GOODNESS. I am so glad I did.
The towers is this SUPER SUPER cool place at the mouth of our biggest canyon, above the water plant.
It's kinda a "hangout place" if you wanna call it that.
There is graffiti literally everywhere, and beer cans everywhere. But trust me, it's SO cool.
You have to walk up the mountain to it, it's not super steep, but it takes you up a ways.
But why is is so cool? Because it's a concrete JUNGLE. And I have no pictures, because it was 10pm, so you won't understand how COOL it is.
Some people were freaking doing PARKOUR, and I was like. New goal. New freaking goal.
And there were SO MANY other cool things, but I it's hard to explain.
BUT ANYWAYS.
The whole time I just felt like a FREAKING DAUNTLESS WARRIOR (which is kinda who I am through and through) and it felt so good.
It felt so good to do daring things, to live on the edge, to run FREE.
I do stuff like that all the time. But with it being finals, it just really hit me how much I love to be free, and to wander, and to try new things, and challenge myself, and break through restrictions, and routine, and all that shiz.
And mostly, it hit me how much I HATE (strong word intended) structure, and routine.
Doing the same thing everyday.
Learning the same things.
Just ew.
I am a nomad. I can't stand that. Really I cannot.
This is my last semester here at WA. And I have really loved it so much.
My first year was SO great. My second year not so much. Which is entirely my fault.
But I did my time, and I grew, and I learned SO much, but I am ready to move on. I am ready to try new things.
I am SO ready to break free and truly be myself without restrictions (okay there will definitely be restrictions #Stillliveathome).
I am READY to become confident in the things I never have been.
To throw this burden off my shoulders.
I am ready to make my dreams REALLY come true.
No more "someday".
I'm ready to just take a step back and dream in reality.
Sometimes all you have to do is forget school, and just go. Forget routine, just go.
Just freaking go.
I promise you it feels SO good.
It doesn't have to be Everest man.
It could be running down the middle of the street barefoot. Anything really.
Just live free. Dream in reality. And be HAPPY with who you are.
That is all the ramblings I have today, didn't make sense, but that's alright. My mind is a buzz, and I like it that way. :)
Life
Um Hi. Can we just talk about how much growing up sucks and just like....life man? Life.
Ayyyeeeee.
Like all these big decisions like, "what am I going to do with my life", and "what career am I going to go after", and "do I want to continue taking piano", and "do I want to sleep in today", "wow I should stop getting fat", and and and yeaaaaah.
Like really I just want to be a child and play out in the backyard and climb trees and ride my back around the block AND NOT DO FREAKING SCHOOL. Please?
Erm erm. Let's be clear though. I love to learn, but school?....naaaaaaahhhh.
And like sometimes life just gets super duper overwhelming. Ya feel?
Like instead of sitting on my butt I would rather be working at all my 4 and counting wonderful jobs. Or exploring the mountains, or learning about herbs, and foraging and all that jazz. LIKE REALLY.
I mean. Ya know how you are younger and you're like *switches to prissy girl voice* "Oh my gosh, when I am 16, I'll like, Have it SO GOOD. I'll probably be like, a famous super model, and have like, my own island, and like, have a BF, and like, OMG, just like, I know it'll be perfect when I'm older, cuz everyone says it just gets better right?" *WHILE YOU SIT ON THE COUCH AND EAT POTATO CHIPS*
Right so I'm 16. And lemme check, WOW, look at that, I'm not famous super model, and...um, is this an island? Yeah. Pretty sure it's not. Hmm. Crap! Wasn't it supposed to be better now? Pshhhhh.
Liesssssssssss.
But wait, it only gets better if you make it better right?
But wait, it only gets better if you make it better right?
But really though. I mean, I love my life. Really truly. But I could definitely say I'm getting a little tired of all the things God throws at me. Although, I'm grateful for the strength they give me, and who they are helping me to become, and yeah yeah.
But I just realize how important it is to LIVE IN THE MOMENT man. Really truly. Stop living in the hopes that your future will be the bomb.com and MAKE NOW THE FREAKING BOMB.COM
Okay?
Mostly I'm just telling that to myself. Today is a good day to have that awesome life, eh? Yeah it is.
You'll never achieve the things you REALLY DESIRE unless you MAKE THEM HAPPEN.
Also, have some patience? It'll happen, all in good time.
And life is really, REALLY beautiful! AGH. Like, I just feel so fortunate to have my life, even though sometimes it really sucks, I have it so much better than most. *feels*
And that is it folks. Just some random ramblings from yours truly. Do something awesome today because LIFE IS THE BEST. :)
Shout it from the Rooftops....or the Internet
Have you ever gotten a burning passion and desire to do something, to be or become somebody, to change something, to learn, or experience something.
You see something and your heart swells up ten times.
Maybe even your eyes tear up.
Some nights you lay awake thinking about it.
You have those 2am motivational bursts. (Maybe that's just me)
More than anything in the world, you want this, you need it, and you can do it.
I'm guilty of experiencing all that. Not guilty, fortunate.
But then the next day, maybe your motivation dies away. Does that ever happen to you? I'm sure it does.
You can't carry on. You have no motivation. Why? What happened to that fiery passion?
It drowned in your doubts, your insecurities, your flaws, your weaknesses. It got shot down by the doubting, or judging words of others.
So you give up on that passion, that dream. You'll settle for less. It's okay. You could never make it anyways.
But then you see something, someone, somewhere, and you heart swells up, a whole zoo explodes in your stomach, and you passion flares up.
It was never gone. It was always there. Buried. Buried beneath all your doubts, insecurities, flaws, weaknesses.
You can never drown your passions. They are not random, they are your calling. No matter how much you bury them, they will never leave.
Maybe you're ashamed of your passion. Your dreams.
Why should you? You shouldn't.
Dr. Seuss was mocked for his cartoons, and books, But he didn't care. It was his passion, his dream. He loved it, and it didn't matter what anyone else said.
Don't be ashamed of your passions. Your dreams. Shout them from the rooftops. Or the internet. Let them be known.
Don't drown them in your doubts, you are more capable then you know.
Hold your head high and press on through the flaming gorge of your self doubt. The person you will become.....I can promise you it will be infinite.
If you are so passionate about something that you cannot go a day without thinking about it or calm your heart when it swells on the thought of it, don't give up on it.
Fight hard. You are a warrior. It is yours as long as you fight your hardest.
It will be hard. Your journey will be hard. But you can do it.
Promise me you'll do it.
The journey along the path of life is long. And hard.
Learn from the past, be excited for the future, and keep you eyes right in front of you. Locked on your goal.
Journey on. One step at a time.
It's yours if you are willing to claim it. Claim it proud. You are worthy of your dreams. Work hard. And it is yours.
Embrace it and be infinitely you.
---------------------
This is basically just a reminder to myself. A reminder to not be ashamed of my dreams and my passions. To not tell myself that I am not good enough, or to doubt myself. A reminder to work hard. To fight hard. A reminder to love myself throughout all my flaws. A reminder to quit being my own worst enemy. A reminder to never give up. A reminder to be infinitely me.
Just to clarify. This post is not talking about crushes in any way. I just thought I'd clarify that, because as I was writing it, I was like, "This sounds like I'm confessing my love for someone" No? Maybe it just sounded like that to me. But anyways.
Life is good! :) Remember, your dreams don't come true, unless you work your butt off to make them come true. :)
Let It Go
The more I live on this cosmic mass. The more I realize that the little things don't matter. They DO! But they don't. At least in this case.
I mean the little things like......
The one thing that that one person said. Maybe they meant it to hurt you. Maybe they didn't. But why hold on to it? It's so little. It doesn't matter. It really doesn't matter.
Or when your little brother was being annoying, and it bugged the heck out of you. Yeah. That doesn't matter.
Or when you got left out of something, and you felt lonely. That freaking hurts! But guess what? It doesn't matter unless you let it.
Or when your little brother was being annoying, and it bugged the heck out of you. Yeah. That doesn't matter.
Or when you got left out of something, and you felt lonely. That freaking hurts! But guess what? It doesn't matter unless you let it.
Honestly. Is it going to bother you or even matter in a year from now? Or two seconds latter. Or a day latter. A year latter. Or what? Most likely it's not.
Brace yourself for a super stupid analogy.
Today I was out for a run. It was cold. I did not want to go because I hate running but I love running and ya know! Love/hate relationship baby. So I forced my self out the door screaming (in my head, I'm not crazy, obviously....ha. ha.) that that half marathon wasn't going to run itself.
BUT ANYWAYS. Where am I even going with this. I was running. and I was like "The inversion, it's killing my lungs, they burn, I'M GOING TO DIE. God bless me! I'm going to collapse on the side of the road, and no one is going to notice me. and then some organ dealer is going to take my body and sale my organs on the internet. I should just stop running. This sucks. I'm literally going to die."
But. Breaking news guys. When I got home. I was just fine. I didn't die. My organs were not sold on the internet. They are still here as far as I know and yeaaah. I was just fine!
It was a little minuscule thing. All I had to do was sing along to my music, and put a smile on my face. Enduring all the way.
It was a little minuscule thing. All I had to do was sing along to my music, and put a smile on my face. Enduring all the way.
So. That made no sense. Congrats Wesleigh.
But yeah. What I'm trying to say. Looking at the big span of things, these little everyday things, they don't matter! They may seem like they matter in the moment, but they don't. They won't matter tomorrow. Or the next day. Next year. Next life.
UNLESS. You eat poison, that matters. Or you wonder what that red buttons does, that definitely matters.
But really. Just let it go. Don't stress about those little things that really just don't matter.
Live your life to the fullest! :)
I'll Follow It
Hi I'm Wesleigh. I want to travel the world. Not just travel the world. I want to freaking EXPERIENCE the world.
This big cosmic mass of earth was meant for me to explore. and you too.
I want to just pack my bag and go. Maybe take a friend or two. Just a small bag, with some clothes and maybe a few meaningful things. I'd book a flight to some random destination and just go. I'd feel so free.
I would bike through the streets. Make new friends. People I've never met. I'd cross my fingers that I wouldn't get kidnapped or wrapped up in some cult or mob. Ya know. But it'd be okay. Live in the moment. Don't worry. I'd be just fine.
When my piggy bank got empty, that's okay, I'd try to find a job, or surf some couches.
Did I mention that I might have no common sense? That's okay. Hakuna Matata bro.
I would definitely capture the world through the lens of my camera.
I'd climb mountains. So many mountains and look out on the beautiful world.
I would serve people, and maybe make a difference in their lives.
I'd be a nomad. A vagabond. My heart was meant to wander.
I'd leave my mark on every place I ever went, and it'd leave a mark on my heart.
I would experience the culture.
The adventures would be endless. I can just see them.
I want to dance under the stars with little children.
I want to work a million different jobs. You can never have too much experience. Maybe work in a coffee shop in Paris, or design websites for some company in London, sale shoes in China, nanny for some family in Italy, work on a cruise ship in the middle of the ocean, or an airline way up in the sky.
Forget the stress. Leave it all behind. We were never meant to stress so much anyways.
I could learn to surf, ride a penny board through the streets of London.
The smile on my sun-kissed face would be permanent.
I'd volunteer with pandas, and teach English to children.
I'd spread my big heart across the entire globe. :)
Eventually I'd come home, embrace my friends and family with welcome arms.
I would graduate from college and look back on all the adventures I had. Maybe I'd go on to Medical School and then I could pack up my things and move to Africa where I could be a doctor. Maybe, I dunno.
Somewhere along that journey I'd fall in love with someone great, and we'd get married and raise a beautiful family together.
We'd tell our kids of all our adventures, and share our profound love for life with them. :)
Maybe I'm crazy. Or maybe I'm just following my heart. Following it to the top of the highest mountains. Following it through the streets of Spain, Following it though the desert. Wherever it goes, I'll follow it.
Follow your heart, okay? Forget what the world says. Your heart knows best. :)
This big cosmic mass of earth was meant for me to explore. and you too.
I want to just pack my bag and go. Maybe take a friend or two. Just a small bag, with some clothes and maybe a few meaningful things. I'd book a flight to some random destination and just go. I'd feel so free.
I would bike through the streets. Make new friends. People I've never met. I'd cross my fingers that I wouldn't get kidnapped or wrapped up in some cult or mob. Ya know. But it'd be okay. Live in the moment. Don't worry. I'd be just fine.
When my piggy bank got empty, that's okay, I'd try to find a job, or surf some couches.
Did I mention that I might have no common sense? That's okay. Hakuna Matata bro.
I would definitely capture the world through the lens of my camera.
I'd climb mountains. So many mountains and look out on the beautiful world.
I would serve people, and maybe make a difference in their lives.
I'd be a nomad. A vagabond. My heart was meant to wander.
I'd leave my mark on every place I ever went, and it'd leave a mark on my heart.
I would experience the culture.
The adventures would be endless. I can just see them.
I want to dance under the stars with little children.
I want to work a million different jobs. You can never have too much experience. Maybe work in a coffee shop in Paris, or design websites for some company in London, sale shoes in China, nanny for some family in Italy, work on a cruise ship in the middle of the ocean, or an airline way up in the sky.
Forget the stress. Leave it all behind. We were never meant to stress so much anyways.
I could learn to surf, ride a penny board through the streets of London.
The smile on my sun-kissed face would be permanent.
I'd volunteer with pandas, and teach English to children.
I'd spread my big heart across the entire globe. :)
Eventually I'd come home, embrace my friends and family with welcome arms.
I would graduate from college and look back on all the adventures I had. Maybe I'd go on to Medical School and then I could pack up my things and move to Africa where I could be a doctor. Maybe, I dunno.
Somewhere along that journey I'd fall in love with someone great, and we'd get married and raise a beautiful family together.
We'd tell our kids of all our adventures, and share our profound love for life with them. :)
Maybe I'm crazy. Or maybe I'm just following my heart. Following it to the top of the highest mountains. Following it through the streets of Spain, Following it though the desert. Wherever it goes, I'll follow it.
Follow your heart, okay? Forget what the world says. Your heart knows best. :)
Utah Stole My Heart
I've lived my entire life in Utah. When I was younger I used to think it sucked, because I was clueless to it's great beauty that surrounded me.
WARNING: this post has a ridiculous amount of pictures. Sorry not sorry.
I love the deserts and all their beauty, especially the big blue skies and the "sunburned rocks"
I love this place. The vast grand canyon & all the other rocky canyons.
I love driving through the desert on those never ending roads.
I love the arches.
I love the Mountainous Valleys.
"Look! Mordor!"
I love the fields and the sunny sunsets.
I love the mountains in general. *swoon*
Just wow.
I love hiking high up in the mountains where you get lost and end up hiking all day.
I love the snow-capped mountains, even though all they bring is cold.
I love the farms & all the cows.
I love all the horses, especially mine. (the second from the left is mine)
I love fall time in the canyons.
Stunning.
I love all the breathtaking nature.
I love the grass that blows in the wind - the sea of the west.
I love the sego lilies that you rarely see in Utah. How quaint.
I love the fields of wild flowers.
I love the mountains behind my house and the "meditation trees" that remind me of Jerusalem.
I love the canyons.
So very much.
I love these little guys that I always seem to bump into.
I love all the many lakes, even though they are not the ocean.
I love to paddle board and kayak on them, it is one of my favorite things ever. Word.
Oh how I love Utah. It will always and forever be my home. Thank you for the memories made. You are beautiful beyond compare.
I hope to continue exploring under the vast Utah skies.
There is beauty everywhere, all you have to do is wake up and see it.
Take some time to get to know where you live, you probably do, but there is always something new to be found. I'm sure it's amazing. :)
Have a wonderful day! :)
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