elevation // ninja style

Just can't get over how lucky I am, especially these past few months, they've been straight radical, so very surreal.

There is something so magical about just going with the flow, if riding the waves of life was like surfing I'd be a mega pro. Whether life is working the same job everyday and feeling SO MEDIOCRE I COULD DIE, or spending three weeks away from home with only a little bit of a plan, I'll take it, I'll ride that wave. This is now, now is what we have. Firm believer in being present in whatever the moment brings. 

I mean, sure I may be a little spontaneous and unorganized when it comes to life, but I love it. That's all that matters RIGHT. Loving the life you live. 

The past couple of months have been a wild ride, sometimes pretty chill, others times up on a high, but every moment is beautiful, and I'm so stoked with all the memories I have to cherish forever. 

I feel like I've been all over the place (I haven't really) but the nomad in me had it's fix for a little bit back there. I spent two weeks in St. George working at Elevation (stay tuned bc that's what all this post is about if I ever get to it), a week in California with potential (my truest homies), a few days in Moab with my church (s/o to my ward for being extra stellar), and countless days up in my mountains, hiking, camping, backpacking, all the good stuff. It's a colorful life. 

It's a beautiful life really, sure there is lots of greys but to be honest, I think grey is a beautiful color, there are lots of bold, bright colors, swishes of stunning colors here and there, all over a pretty great painting my life is turning out to be. Perfect, hah no. Pretty rad? Dang straight. 

I know I've been CRUMMY at posting but here is me trying (attempting and flopping really) to not abandon this blog;

Let's take a journey back to the 8th of May, the beginning of my traveling adventures (bc everyday is an adventure and have you seen where I live amazing amirite). 

I packed up probably all of my belongings because I procrastinated packing (literally to the very last half hour) and thought to myself, "If I take everything I won't forget anything." FALSE. I forgot wet wipes, who forgets wet wipes, honestly. Frantically threw everything into the back of my dads truck and he so graciously drove me to my sisters house an hour of so away. Got to spend the night with my pretty neat sister and her husband. We baked sweet potato fries and sat on the kitchen floor, the best nights right. 

May 9th. I love Masina, and what is better than taking a six hour drive with the people that you friggin love amrite. Even if you have to wake up early in the AM and repack all your possessions three times.  The drive literally flashed by in a jiffy, those are the best kinds of road trips. When you're having to much of a good time to feel the tug of the hours as they tick by. The best. BUT I ALSO LOVE RACHEL. Rachel is rad because she let me crash at her house and ran me around with her expert driving skills, and fed me food, truly a saint. Got to Rachel's house where we hung out in her hipster attic room and helped her study for her midterm. THEN AUTUMN AND MADDIE SHOWED UP. We cruised around the grocery store in one of those electric carts like a bunch of teenagers. I have never felt so teenager-y in my entire life. Then we made food and made weird videos on Autumns phone. Always feel so at home whenever I'm with these people. 

May 10th. Rachel literally lives like 5 minutes from the St. George Temple, such a beautiful temple. So crisp and white against the deep blue desert sky. Let's also not forget that the chapel smelled like old people, perks of living in an old neighborhood. After church, SANNEKE SHOWED UP. I LOVE SANNEKE. We got all ready to head out to the canyon for the week, and Autumn blessed us with her mad driving skills and drove us to the canyon in her MuMu. 

((PAUSE FOR A SECOND. Elevation is the rad outdoor leadership camp with the amazing online liberal arts school, Williamsburg Academy, that I was so lucky to attend for most of high school. I've gone three times as a student, and this year, I was so ridiculously lucky to go as a trail guide. (TRAIL GUIDE. I repeat, TRAIL. GUIDE.) It was hands down the best experience ever.))

I cannot tell you how wonderful it was to be reunited with the mentors and other trail guides, (like JULIA. Forever my internal explosion buddy), I look up to them so much and am so fortunate to have them in my life. We did orientation, walls (actually such an incredible experience doing it with the mentors), set up camp, and were overall just so happy to be together in the canyon. 

Elevation Week One // May 11th-May 15th. This is IT. This was the day we had been preparing for, the day I had been WAITING SO (not) PATIENTLY FOR. The day the students arrived and the life changing 5 days began. It felt so good to see my people again, oh how I love them. 

Let me tell you about my pod, Pod Four. There was just something so weird about us. For starters, our pod name was, "Here at Pod Four, we're better than you, and we know it." said while we tilted out heads and then ended in a loud roar. Hailstone was the mentor (nicknamed papa bear) and I was the trail guide (nicknamed goldilocks). Our podlings were Cedar, Briar, Jefferson, Caleb, Dallin, Jarom, Jane, McKenna, Meghan, and Clay. We were such an odd bunch but in the best kind of way, we all goofed off and meshed together so well, we were so close and I really admire these kids, they are all such incredible leaders and Pod Four IS better than you. 

^^^100% blinking and 5000% high on life.^^^

If I went through every single day of elevation, this post would be EVEN longer than it already is, so presenting, bullet points of my favourite moments from week one. 

• Belaying/helping kids up their first ever climbs. Your first climb is so magical, also terrifying if you're most people. And when you finish your first ever climb, it's a moment you'll cherish forever. The best feeling was when those kids thanked me for helping them with huge grins on their faces. That's the best. 
• E-Ninja trip. I could type my fingers off with this one. The E-Ninja trip was the BEST. We had a huge group so we did repelling at Dixie Rock and did a repel rescue simulation where I was the one being rescued. Let me just say, I make an excellent unconscious person, not to brag or anything, but my leg and hands DID turn purple and not once did I speak or break character. S/o to John and Tim for working through the problem and not killing me. Next we went to fat mans squeeze (a slot smaller than the width of my foot in some places) did a simulation where Rachel had a broken leg and we had to get her to the end of the canyon. It's so rad seeing the leaders stand up and lead and everyone work together in harmony. The last thing we did was go to the lava tubes, a really cool underground cave thing. It smelled sorta nasty but at the end there was this really big cavern, there were glows sticks laying all over the ground so we picked them up and sprayed them on the walls, IT WAS SO COOL. It looked like a galaxy. With our lights off, we sat and had a little devo. I love those people with all of my heart. Such an incredible experience. 
• Pod Talent/Skit night. MY POD. Haha. It kills me. We had the best skit ever. We danced around like chickens and then acted out a cock fight and had such a blast doing it. I was so proud of the kids for getting our of their comfort zones and having a good time. That was the best night. Earlier that day in morning pod devo, I had quoted "20 seconds of courage" to the kids and told them that really all they needed was 20 seconds of courage and something great would come of it. During skits that night, after a wild day, as we were practicing our chicken impersonations, one of the kids was having a difficult time with it, it was something that was out of his comfort zone and as he was nervous he said out loud, "Okay. just 20 seconds of courage" and he KILLED IT. I was so proud of him, and I loved watching all the kids grown and learn throughout the week. 
• Chatting with all the kids in my pod during solo time. Wow I really really loved talking to those kids, they have so much character and I can't wait to see where they take their lives. 
• Tent happenings with my tent buddy Julia. Oh wow I love Julia. Who knows what went on in our tent, but we did wake up the other mentors/trail guides at like three in the morning with our laughs and we did have some really great conversations. Loved out little crowded tent. 
• One night after all the kids were in bed (trail guides don't have a bed time, WADDUP) me and Julia decided to *try* to sneak up on the boys sleeping in the volleyball pit. We failed thanks to Tim. But it was fun while it lasted. The boys had pineapple, and of course we had to have some. So we went and got some, and Riley handed it to use in his dirty hands and there were rocks and sand on it which I bit into, that was an experience for sure. Don't know how we would have survived if it weren't for John and his lifesavers, it saved our lives.
• Taylor Swift dance parties in the rain storm. 
• Standing on one foot contests. 
• Repelling station, hanging out with all the students was the best. 
• Meaningful conversations with the mentors. 

The whole week was full of favorite moments, the whole week was my favorite, there is so much more I could say but I'll leave it at that. 

May 15th. After elevation, a bunch of us headed to Mr. Browns house. THE BROWNS ARE THE BEST. They were so kind to let 20 or so kids invade their home, and then feed us the MOST delicious dinner. I look up to and admire them so much. I cannot even put into words how grateful I am to have gone to a school where the mentors are such phenomenal people who care about their students and YEAH I cannot even tell you but I'm so fortunate. S/o to the Browns for putting up with the horse masks, the loud, indecisive "planning" and the boys horrible jokes. When we got back to Rachel's house, we played on the tramp in this rad foam machine that her dad made. It made SO MUCH FOAM. Obviously we shaved our legs, because what else would we do. OH OH AND ERICA SHOWED UP. I LOVE ERICA.

May 16th. Unfortunately we had to say goodbye to some stellar people like Josh, Lilly, and Caleb, and oh man I love them. After saying goodbye we all headed to SNOW CANYON. Absolutely beautiful. We hiked to some mosquitoes puddles, and climbed some rocks, it was rad and I just love being with my people. When we got back to our cars, the sequoia and 15 passenger van headed in separate ways. The van to Vegas, and the sequoia to St. George. As we got in our cars, Riley got out his speaker and played When Can I See You Again / Owl City and him and Tim busted out some sick dance moves, holy crap, I love those kids. That night, those of use left in St. George (at Rachel's house) picked Ryan up from the airport. RYAN IS MY FAVORITE. He is mature beyond his years and I so hilarious and brilliant. We dyed Sanneke's hair with kool aide, played spoons (I DOMINATED) and ate ice cream. Such a chill, fun night. 

Elevation Take Two // May 17th-21st. Week two of elevation had SUCH a different dynamic. The first week has such high energy, it's always loud, "I'm a little tea pot" is rapped 24/7, fingers are broken, rules are broken, etc. Week two on the other hand is super chill, and I loved it. Most of the kids were freshman (70% to be exact) and so although there was pressure to make their first experience amazing, they were all so cute and I loved being able to experience that with them and get to know so many new, neat kids.

Pod One was the BEST. We had such a great group and they all bonded so well. Greg (nicknamed Papa G) was our mentor and I was the trail guide (nicknamed 'Nola short for granola bc I'm so granola and I also like granola a lot), our podlings were Alleigh, Katie, Katlyn, Jeffey, Belle, Ryley, Seth, Colleen, Rebecca, Berkley, Harrision, and Syndey (also so sorry I probably butchered their names). We did this sick chant thing and our name was Legion. Seriously so cool. When I left early on Thursday, all the girls in my pod came and tackle hugged me as I left and oh wow, loved seeing them grow and learn, such great kids.

^^missing me bc I left early, but aren't they cuute. love these kids^^

• Gear inspection with Ben. Loved meeting the kids as they first came in and loved hanging with the mentors up top. So fun. 
• Teaching the lead climbing workshop with Bambi. I love Bambi and he's such a great example to me, also hilarious and rouge workshop was the best. Near the end of the day when we only had three pods left to go, Bambi had to run do something else and they left me in charge of teaching the lead climbing workshop. It meant so much that they let me do that, and trusted me enough to teach kids to lead climb. 
• KOOSH. After the koosh championship, the winner plays the mentors and trail guides. OBVIOUSLY we always win. We spent a lot of the night playing koosh with the students and it's was the bomb diggity. At one point I dived for the ball and ended up wrestling underneath a pile of bunch of kids. The best. Koosh is the best. 
• Crazy yoga with Alleigh and Erica. 
• Nights in the tent with Erica and Masina. 
• Spence digging a trench around our tent so it wouldn't flood. He's the REAL mvp. 
• I left late Thursday afternoon, and so I spent all of free time sitting around the fire (it wasn't burning in the middle of the day alright) talking with the mentors. Hands down my favorite moment from both weeks. I look up to those people so much and sitting there I just couldn't believe how luck I am to know them. 
• When my homies came to pick me up, they rolled into the canyon, limping, and so dirty, and all of the sudden, the canyon was echoing with "I'm a little teapot" and it was so great. Love them. 

And then.....WE HEADED TO VEGAS. Stay tuned for the wonders of my trip to CALI. Such good times. 

I'm already remembering so many great moments from these two weeks, IT WAS SUCH A GOOD TIME. SUCH A GOOD TIME. Blessed beyond measure to be surrounded by such incredible people, and I'm so stoked I got the opportunity to be a trail guide (!!!!!). Thanks a million to WA for giving me the opportunity. :) 

Life is colorful, life is rad, and I'm stoked to be alive. 

it's been real

Three weeks away from home. Three different states. People I've never met, people I've met but a few times, all people I love so very deeply. Cities and towns, oceans and rivers and roads and here I find myself back in my beloved home state.

It honestly feels so weird that just a few days ago, I was in a different state on a road trip with the best of the best. Time flies by so fast, life is so surreal, and yet here I am jamming out to my tunes at HOME.

((btw if you wanna jam out too pop over HERE. okay.))

I feel like I've learned and grown so much these last few weeks and I REALLY WANT to just sit down write about my whole three weeks but I'm already going stir crazy from sitting at the computer, but pretty sure every post after this will be about these past three weeks. Anyways. It's been real.

A few reflections/thoughts on the last few weeks:
o Living in the moment and truly being present in your life is honestly one of the most beautiful and refreshing things that you could ever do. I felt so alive and authentic these past few weeks, I lived life in color.
o I feel so incredibly lucky to be where I am in life, especially to know these amazing human beings. Sitting around the fire and talking to the mentors at elevation, road trips, beach lunch circles, etc. etc. I just can't get over how lucky I am. They're all like family to me and dang it I just really love my internet fam and I feel ridiculously fortunate to know them.
o Anywhere can feel like home when you're with the people that you love. I'm so convinced that home is not a place, but rather the people you're with. Every where I've been with these people feels so much like home.
o Telling a good story, living your life in the most beautiful colors is easier than you'd think. It only seems hard because it's simply not the norm, and that's the hardest part, going beyond what society preaches you should do and following your heart and telling your story in all it's authenticity.
o I could live on the road. 100% I just love the whole world and I want to spend every day exploring this vast beautiful world. In other words, the nomad in me is going stir crazy.

Shout out to everyone for making these last few weeks so memorable, love you, miss you, see you soon.

#420blazeit #hereatpodfourwe'rebetterthanyouandweknowit #lunch #shutupmonica #legion #weedcan'tstop #riversandroads 

the real mvps

Happy National Sibling Day! Because you probably didn't know that, because everyone hasn't been posting on every social media platform about it all day.

Actually it's so nice to see everyone showing some love for their siblings, because having siblings is the best.

Siblings are basically your eternal best friends. You're stuck with them forever and ever. Also sometimes that is the worst though because even when they bring you down, or are super annoying, you simply cannot get rid of them, but really really I do love them a whole lot and I'm glad to call them my partners in crime, best friends, and siblings.

We laugh, we cry, we fight, we go on crazy adventures, sometimes we hate each other, but at the end of the day, they've always got my back, and I'm so lucky to have a bunch of goofballs to have late night dance parties with, they're the real mvps.

Love my pack of Mutts.

 ^^^90s kids represent (minus two). 

WesleighxX

positive vibes on a friday night

Hi hi hiiii I'm the worst at blogging and I only care a little bit.

Life lately has just been so odd, to say the least. I feel like my entire life has flopped over. I'm like a turtle that has been flipped on its back, my entire world has just slipped away from me and what I see is not at all the me I know, and I'm desperate to get back in my familiar world, on my own two feet.

Most times I just feel like the worlds biggest disappointment, biggest procrastinator. And most of the time I feel completely unwanted. Tired. More stressed than you'd know. And definitely annoyed. Annoyed with everything. Annoyed with myself. Annoyed with life. Everything.

But tbh life is GONNA be annoying, MOST of the time. I think sometimes we (myself mostly) just think that being happy and loving life means that everything is butterfly and rainbows and perfect but honestly it's not. It's all about attitude, positivity, and giving your best.

And I know how annoying it can be when you're struggling so hard and somebody flies up out of no where telling you, "It doesn't get easier, you just get stronger." Maybe it's just me but I find it so annoying, because WHO doesn't want it magically get better? Getting stronger is straight up so hard and it'd be so nice if things were easy but fortunately they aren't.

I'm constantly waiting for things to magically turn around and I'm just lying to myself because that's not how it works. Circumstances don't change, things don't change, it's ultimately YOU who changes. Sure you can change a circumstance and stuff but not if you're unwilling to change. Changes starts with you.

I've always known that ya know, but I think it really hit me when I was up in my head thinking about weird things and I was like "One day I'm going to have to help with Thanksgiving MEALS or make them all myself and that'll be so stressful" And obviously nothing is going to change unless I change the way I deal with things, stress is NOT going to go away when I get older and I'm not going to be a magical fairy of a mom. You're probably so lost but whatever.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that life is so hard, and often times we flounder around in the moment, feeling sorry for ourselves and living in the future, because it's such a wonderful place where you and your life can be anything you want, but doing that will just rob you of the now. One day you'll wake up on that day you always dreamed of, and you'll be exactly the same. Don't let the fear of doing hard things rob you of that precious time you could be spending living a meaningful life in the now.

I recently stumbled upon these inspiring words and I'm just gonna drop this here because it fits.

"There is no magic cure, no making it all go away forever. 
There are only small steps upward; an easier day, an 
unexpected laugh, a mirror that doesn't matter anymore."

- Laurie Halse Anderson 

I just really love that. Even though life is hard and sometimes you just wanna call up your genie in a bottle and sometimes it'd be nice to just wish it all away you can't, but every single good thing that happens is one little step towards a better life. The life you deserve, the life you're worthy of living, the life you long for with all your heart. 

I've got it really good, but at the same time it's still really hard. I don't want to be one to complain which I obviously am, but lately life has been ridiculously hard as I already said, I know I know. But one thing has made a universe of a difference. positivity. 

I'm such a perfectionist but I've been finding a lot of joy in the little rad things jumbled into all the imperfect. Sleeping through the night. Dance parties with my siblings. When the internet works. A moment without pain. A good solid run even though I suck at running. Late night off-roading. Sunny days after days of glum. Productive days. Yoga. Etc. etc. 

Possibly one of the most important things I've learned, is that life will always be hard, but the good will always outweigh the bad. I know sometimes it doesn't seem like it when everything appears to be going wrong but literally pull out a piece of paper and write down all the good things that you're blessed with, or the rad things that happened to you in a DAY and you'll feel so much lighter. 

Postivity can be all you need in life (exaggerating a tad). Try it out. You'll feel immeasurably better. 

Sorry I don't think this flowed or made sense at all but, c'est la vie! 

xx Wesleigh 

hype

Life is crazy. Not like crazy busy. Just crazy. Annoying. Exciting. Hard. It's a whole tornado of everything. Good days, bad days, lazy days, productive days, up and down then up up up then super down and yeah it's nuts.

My life is a constant whirlwind of "I have life plans" "things are looking up for me" "oh oops I have no idea what I'm doing with my life" "I could make my own ocean with all my tears because I'm so overwhelmed with how little plans I have for any second of today and the rest of my life"

Like sometimes I am just so incredibly bleak because I just want to have structure and have a clear paint by numbers of what to do with my life. Paint number one pink, then number two grey, yada yada 10 numbers down the road you have what looks like a nice picture. Instead or my life where it's basically a blank canvas with a few colorful swishes and swashes of really nothing here and there.

But SOMETIMES I get those moments where I'm just so hyped up on life and where I get these moments of absolute clarity where I can literally feel myself living and loving my life plans and where it all just fits so well like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle.

Right now I feel down right confused about somethings. Somethings I just always assumed that I'd do, because it's what we do in my "culture" but I've come to realize that that's not what I want in my life, or what I need. Making the decision to follow my heart and do what I really know I want to do and the things that make me feel like there might possibly be an entire wild zoo inside me, the things that make me feel so motivated and alive and happy, those are the things that I'm chasing after. And oh my goodness it feels so good.

I'm so SO hyped up on life for the most part. I'm the poster child of hype.

I am so excited about my plans. Education plans. Health plans. And YES, even FUTURE plans. Oh my goodness yeah,I just said "future." Scary I know, I swear its like saying Voldemort out loud and you know that's right.

I mean I have no solid plans and they'll probably change just tomorrow but at least I have something.

By "plans" I mean ideas that I'm really excited about, REALISTIC ideas. THIS COULD ACTUALLY HAPPEN PEOPLE. I actually told my sister that if I was not IN a foreign country or had serious plans to go to a foreign country in about a year then she'd better kick my sorry but out the door.

I have "plans" to work my butt off saving adventure money. I have "plans" of going to Africa for a few months for humanitarian work and I have "plans" to work in either Paris or London and I have "plans" to travel Europe with my sister and I have "plans" for college and I have "plans" for possible law school or sunny days with slippery marine animals. I have "plans" for the next few months and although I've always embraced the completely un-structured and spontaneous person that I've always been I'm starting to embrace and crave a more structured life, more responsibilities, and yeah, I'm embracing the fact that adult life is coming.

So. Much. Hype.

Things are coming together. I'm solidly following a fitness plan and I'm working on consistently eating like a caveman and man its good.

I know I still have those days where I feel so incredibly bleak and tired and confused, but then I have those moments where it's OKAY and my world seems as if it's finally coming together, and I 100% believe that those moments should be shouted from the rooftops (or from this tiny corner of the internet). You should recognize when your world is at peace and when you're happy. Recognize the hype, share the hype, embrace the hype.

xoxo - Wesleigh

ohana

"We never give up on family." is something my mum always tells me when things get rough.

I know a lot of families have it a lot worse, and man oh man I do LOVE my family, but we have our issues, and this year has definitely been a trial of my faith when it comes to family.

I heard someone say once, that you'll probably always love your family, but that doesn't mean you'll always like them.

I LOVE my family. Really. Sometimes I don't always like them, because of things they say, things they do, and ya know, things. But no matter what, I'll always love them.

Its really hard to see people in your family do self-destructive things and have no. idea. what they are doing. Honestly, what your family does, how they act, things they say, do to themselves, it REALLY affects you. At least it does to me.

(You know how like when your mum is in a bad mood, most likely EVERYONE is in a bad mood. It's honestly how it is with your whole family. If someone in your home is in a bad mood or something, it really sets the mood in your homes and family, but that's just how I feel.) 

I feel a little dumb that I never realized how my actions and the actions of others in my family can really affect us as a family and I'm definitely going to work on being my absolute best so that I can help to set a good environment in my family.

I feel so blessed to have such an incredible family. We definitely have our fair share of issues and often times I let them bring me down, but all in all, I really am so blessed to have such an incredible family. It makes me sad that I'm not that close with a lot of my cousins and other family members.

Over the last couple months its just hit me hard that I've kind of become distant from a lot of my family in my lifetime, and don't really even know most of my immediate family members. I'm 100% NOT okay with this.

Lately I've just felt really proud of my family, we've had a lot of cousins go on missions, and come home and even if I don't really know them that well, I just feel so proud to call them family.

I feel so blessed to be sealed to my family for all eternity. Honestly how lucky are we that we can be sealed to our families for FOREVER and EVER. So. Incredibly. Lucky.

Like I said this year has been really rough. at times I didn't want to be in my own home because I felt so attacked by certain members of my family, or their actions just really brought me down. I'm sure I've made others feel like that before. Family is supposed to be there for you ALWAYS, they're supposed to be there for eternity, forever and ever and when you feel like they're not there, and they don't love you, or they don't care, it really is not fun.

I know for sure in the past I've not always been the greatest, I've definitely caused a lot of grief for my family, and now that I've sorta been "in their shoes" I wish I could take it all back but I can't. All I can do it do my best to BE the one that is always there, the one that will always love you no matter what. Because you need your family to be there. You need them to make you feel safe. It's my family, its a little bit broken, but still good.

Right now I feel really determined to love and like my family unconditionally. I've been trying a little here and there, and it's definitely not easy, but I'm going to get there.

I think I probably made it sound like I have huge family issues, which I don't, my family is great, it really is, but one thing I know is you never give up on family, if you have a problem, no matter how big or small, you fix it. Because "Ohana means family. Family means nobody gets left behind."

xoxo, Wesleigh

life just got real

I have this horribly self-destructive behavior of living life out of focus. And by that I mean not having a CLEAR picture of what I want, where I am going, what I am doing, and WHY I am doing it. Instead I just am HERE. Wandering through life without any meaning, completely out of focus.

It kind of hit my conscious self that life is rapidly getting REAL, and by real I mean adulthood. There is insurance, phone bills, gas, college savings, travel savings that I have to be paying, saving, and aware of. There are commitments I need to make and KEEP. People who are counting on me. MORE needs to be done. Yet I just sit here TERRIFIED because really all I want is to be able to run around outside, eating rice cakes out of a wooden barrel while playing in the lilac trees, riding my bike in what I thought was lightning speed, and coming home to my parents doing all the adult stuff. 

So let's be completely real here, because life. is. real, people, and here I, am, absolutely terrified of adulthood. Not just adulthood but growing up. Take me to Neverland, P L E A S E. 

I guess I'm like 90% terrified and 10% excited for the rest of my life. Or maybe it's actually 99.9% excited and 1% terrified yet I let that 1% rule my life. I dunno man. 

Last night I was just chillin as usual and I was thinking about life and stuff, like what it is that I want in life, because I really don't have a clear picture on that. I was just thinking about people out there in the world living the dream, and I thought to myself, ONE DAY I will be out there living the dream, one day when I'm done with high school, when I've got it made and everything is great I'll be out there adventuring and living the dream. And then my sub-conscious kind of just screamed at me and was like "WESLEIGH WAKE UP REAL LIFE IS CRASHING IN ON YOU LIKE A ASTEROID HURTLING TOWARDS THE EARTH AND YOU BETTER BE READY FOR IT OR ELSE YOU'RE GOING TO BE IN FOR A WILD RIDE."

And again, by real life I mean adulthood, the rest of my life outside of my parents basement (because that is actually where I sleep, so cliche, I know.) 

There are some crazy important questions we all need to ask ourselves. WHAT do I want my life to be like? The REST of my life? Now? WHAT do I want to do? WHERE do I want to live? HOW do I want to live? HOW am I going to sustain that life that I want? WHAT am I doing NOW so that I can have that life? Am I preparing for that life in the best way possible? WHY am I doing this? WHY do I want it? WHY is it important to me? 

Question. Are you 100% happy with who you are and your life right now? 99.9% happy? 50% happy? You don't want to be anything but 100% happy with who you are and your life at all times. 

So what if you're not happy with your life. Maybe you feel uncomfortable, or conflicted, like you want something REALLY bad and it feels like you are a t-rex who just can't reach it because you don't have the means to (tiny arms y'all). 

You honestly shouldn't live your life feeling like that. And the truth is, no matter how much we like to wish it away is this: If you are not doing SOMETHING to change your life from discontent to 100% sure of yourself and happy, if you're not constantly working on changing it and finding your CLEAR picture of you're life and working HARD towards it, and you just keep dreaming and thinking that your life is going to magically change while you just sit here are do nothing, just making lists of everything you want to be and do and achieve while you're actually not DOING it, you and your life are. never. going. to. change. 

I am most definitely guilty of doing that. Aren't we all at some point in our life? 

But you know it's not so much the future that terrifies me, but myself that terrifies me that most. Because the future can be absolutely anything you want it to be, only if YOU do everything you can to make it that way. And I'm not very good at that. I'm horrible at making my dreams come true, I'm horrible at commitments and responsibility, I like to hide from life and pretend that one day it'll get better. But it won't unless I make it better. And THAT is what terrifies me. I'm 100% afraid that I'll never get out there and make my dreams come true, and that I'll never become WHO I really am and do the things that I really want to, and go the places I want to go. And it must change. 

I found this really good blog post, go read it because it is GREAT and it goes right along with what I'm saying. 

I actually have a lot of freedom in my life. I have free reign over my education, I can have the best education that I can give myself. I can also do nothing, which is kind of what I'm doing right now. I live in an incredible place, where I can explore, and I do just that. I am surrounded by incredible people who can help me in my life, and can be my mentors. I am surrounded by blessings, and opportunities.I have everything I need to make my life the BEST that it can be.  

My current life, and my future is literally at my finger tips, just a shapeless blob waiting to be shaped into something beautiful and meaningful, and I have all the power to do just that. 

I'll be 18 in something like 10 months. I can be done with High School in 6 or 7 months. And who I am and what I do in that time and the time after that is entirely up to me. Pressure right? I better make the most of it, because I only get one chance.

I can be out there living the dream. Right. Now. 

Already I want to shrink back into the shadows of settling-for-less-because-it's-easy and simply not do anything because that's terrifying right? It is. But I swear I'm actually going to do something this time, one baby step at a time, because life just got real.