ohana

"We never give up on family." is something my mum always tells me when things get rough.

I know a lot of families have it a lot worse, and man oh man I do LOVE my family, but we have our issues, and this year has definitely been a trial of my faith when it comes to family.

I heard someone say once, that you'll probably always love your family, but that doesn't mean you'll always like them.

I LOVE my family. Really. Sometimes I don't always like them, because of things they say, things they do, and ya know, things. But no matter what, I'll always love them.

Its really hard to see people in your family do self-destructive things and have no. idea. what they are doing. Honestly, what your family does, how they act, things they say, do to themselves, it REALLY affects you. At least it does to me.

(You know how like when your mum is in a bad mood, most likely EVERYONE is in a bad mood. It's honestly how it is with your whole family. If someone in your home is in a bad mood or something, it really sets the mood in your homes and family, but that's just how I feel.) 

I feel a little dumb that I never realized how my actions and the actions of others in my family can really affect us as a family and I'm definitely going to work on being my absolute best so that I can help to set a good environment in my family.

I feel so blessed to have such an incredible family. We definitely have our fair share of issues and often times I let them bring me down, but all in all, I really am so blessed to have such an incredible family. It makes me sad that I'm not that close with a lot of my cousins and other family members.

Over the last couple months its just hit me hard that I've kind of become distant from a lot of my family in my lifetime, and don't really even know most of my immediate family members. I'm 100% NOT okay with this.

Lately I've just felt really proud of my family, we've had a lot of cousins go on missions, and come home and even if I don't really know them that well, I just feel so proud to call them family.

I feel so blessed to be sealed to my family for all eternity. Honestly how lucky are we that we can be sealed to our families for FOREVER and EVER. So. Incredibly. Lucky.

Like I said this year has been really rough. at times I didn't want to be in my own home because I felt so attacked by certain members of my family, or their actions just really brought me down. I'm sure I've made others feel like that before. Family is supposed to be there for you ALWAYS, they're supposed to be there for eternity, forever and ever and when you feel like they're not there, and they don't love you, or they don't care, it really is not fun.

I know for sure in the past I've not always been the greatest, I've definitely caused a lot of grief for my family, and now that I've sorta been "in their shoes" I wish I could take it all back but I can't. All I can do it do my best to BE the one that is always there, the one that will always love you no matter what. Because you need your family to be there. You need them to make you feel safe. It's my family, its a little bit broken, but still good.

Right now I feel really determined to love and like my family unconditionally. I've been trying a little here and there, and it's definitely not easy, but I'm going to get there.

I think I probably made it sound like I have huge family issues, which I don't, my family is great, it really is, but one thing I know is you never give up on family, if you have a problem, no matter how big or small, you fix it. Because "Ohana means family. Family means nobody gets left behind."

xoxo, Wesleigh

life just got real

I have this horribly self-destructive behavior of living life out of focus. And by that I mean not having a CLEAR picture of what I want, where I am going, what I am doing, and WHY I am doing it. Instead I just am HERE. Wandering through life without any meaning, completely out of focus.

It kind of hit my conscious self that life is rapidly getting REAL, and by real I mean adulthood. There is insurance, phone bills, gas, college savings, travel savings that I have to be paying, saving, and aware of. There are commitments I need to make and KEEP. People who are counting on me. MORE needs to be done. Yet I just sit here TERRIFIED because really all I want is to be able to run around outside, eating rice cakes out of a wooden barrel while playing in the lilac trees, riding my bike in what I thought was lightning speed, and coming home to my parents doing all the adult stuff. 

So let's be completely real here, because life. is. real, people, and here I, am, absolutely terrified of adulthood. Not just adulthood but growing up. Take me to Neverland, P L E A S E. 

I guess I'm like 90% terrified and 10% excited for the rest of my life. Or maybe it's actually 99.9% excited and 1% terrified yet I let that 1% rule my life. I dunno man. 

Last night I was just chillin as usual and I was thinking about life and stuff, like what it is that I want in life, because I really don't have a clear picture on that. I was just thinking about people out there in the world living the dream, and I thought to myself, ONE DAY I will be out there living the dream, one day when I'm done with high school, when I've got it made and everything is great I'll be out there adventuring and living the dream. And then my sub-conscious kind of just screamed at me and was like "WESLEIGH WAKE UP REAL LIFE IS CRASHING IN ON YOU LIKE A ASTEROID HURTLING TOWARDS THE EARTH AND YOU BETTER BE READY FOR IT OR ELSE YOU'RE GOING TO BE IN FOR A WILD RIDE."

And again, by real life I mean adulthood, the rest of my life outside of my parents basement (because that is actually where I sleep, so cliche, I know.) 

There are some crazy important questions we all need to ask ourselves. WHAT do I want my life to be like? The REST of my life? Now? WHAT do I want to do? WHERE do I want to live? HOW do I want to live? HOW am I going to sustain that life that I want? WHAT am I doing NOW so that I can have that life? Am I preparing for that life in the best way possible? WHY am I doing this? WHY do I want it? WHY is it important to me? 

Question. Are you 100% happy with who you are and your life right now? 99.9% happy? 50% happy? You don't want to be anything but 100% happy with who you are and your life at all times. 

So what if you're not happy with your life. Maybe you feel uncomfortable, or conflicted, like you want something REALLY bad and it feels like you are a t-rex who just can't reach it because you don't have the means to (tiny arms y'all). 

You honestly shouldn't live your life feeling like that. And the truth is, no matter how much we like to wish it away is this: If you are not doing SOMETHING to change your life from discontent to 100% sure of yourself and happy, if you're not constantly working on changing it and finding your CLEAR picture of you're life and working HARD towards it, and you just keep dreaming and thinking that your life is going to magically change while you just sit here are do nothing, just making lists of everything you want to be and do and achieve while you're actually not DOING it, you and your life are. never. going. to. change. 

I am most definitely guilty of doing that. Aren't we all at some point in our life? 

But you know it's not so much the future that terrifies me, but myself that terrifies me that most. Because the future can be absolutely anything you want it to be, only if YOU do everything you can to make it that way. And I'm not very good at that. I'm horrible at making my dreams come true, I'm horrible at commitments and responsibility, I like to hide from life and pretend that one day it'll get better. But it won't unless I make it better. And THAT is what terrifies me. I'm 100% afraid that I'll never get out there and make my dreams come true, and that I'll never become WHO I really am and do the things that I really want to, and go the places I want to go. And it must change. 

I found this really good blog post, go read it because it is GREAT and it goes right along with what I'm saying. 

I actually have a lot of freedom in my life. I have free reign over my education, I can have the best education that I can give myself. I can also do nothing, which is kind of what I'm doing right now. I live in an incredible place, where I can explore, and I do just that. I am surrounded by incredible people who can help me in my life, and can be my mentors. I am surrounded by blessings, and opportunities.I have everything I need to make my life the BEST that it can be.  

My current life, and my future is literally at my finger tips, just a shapeless blob waiting to be shaped into something beautiful and meaningful, and I have all the power to do just that. 

I'll be 18 in something like 10 months. I can be done with High School in 6 or 7 months. And who I am and what I do in that time and the time after that is entirely up to me. Pressure right? I better make the most of it, because I only get one chance.

I can be out there living the dream. Right. Now. 

Already I want to shrink back into the shadows of settling-for-less-because-it's-easy and simply not do anything because that's terrifying right? It is. But I swear I'm actually going to do something this time, one baby step at a time, because life just got real.  

my people

My people are not the people that go to really cute restaurants, that new on the block that everyone is raving about just to give your opinion on it and because that's what you do, go to restaurants because it's fun and you like food. I mean maybe they do, I know I have. But it's more likely to be something like a gluten free restaurant on the harbor in Newport, Oregon.

My people are not the people that go clubbing on the weekend, or out dancing with their friends, because that's what they do, they go party, maybe get drunk, because that's fun. Or maybe the do when they're in New York on vacation because that's a thing. 

My people aren't overly obsessed with the worldly things, although they may indulge them selves sometimes; go shopping sometimes, go check out a cute restaurant on the harbor, watch the newest blockbuster, after all they are only human.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that although my people do those things, it's not their main squeeze. 

I've always thought my people were a little more common, because I've surrounded myself with them so much, I've been really fortunate to know such great people. My people are hard to find, but if you go to the right places they can be found. 

Because I waste my life away on the internet, I'm a huge fan of stupid internet quizzes. Don't judge me. 

I mean, after taking SO MANY, I began to see a pattern. Sometimes those quizzes would ask things like, "Where is your happy place?" "Where is your ideal honeymoon?" "Where would you like to spend your weekend?" "What's your idea of a good date?" ...............Absolutely none of those that you just listed, thank you.  

RARELY ever would they have something I'd actually want to do. Like, "the great outdoors" "backpacking Europe" "in the mountains" "rock climbing" 

Yeah nope. Didn't have those. 

But it was then, thanks to these Buzzfeed quizzes (my life is not entirely wasted, hallelujah) that I realized that my people were not entirely the majority, rather the minority. 

I'm not saying that the majority of the world are nature haters, not at all. I'm just saying, that those like me, the ones that would rather spend the majority of their time adventuring in the great outdoors, whose souls stir wildly in the fresh mountain air, and those who love the earth so passionately and want to see every part of it, are not 99.9% of the 7 billion people in the world, but they're not pink dolphins either (although if we could call ourselves pink dolphins I'd be 100% okay with that). 

This is making absolutely zero sense. Whatever. 

Sometimes when I'm out adventuring, I pass trails with someone. I like these moments, (only if they're not super hot and I'm worried about looking like a mess) where I can share a smile with one of my people, maybe talk to them for a bit (note: I hate all conversations outside of nature, this is true) or maybe just say hi. 

Because I like to make a fool out of myself on this blog, I'll tell you this. Sometimes when I'm out adventuring, I'll see some really hot guy. Like, really hot, okay, and because they're also out adventuring that makes them 50% more hot. Sometimes we'll have a short conversation, sometimes we'll just pass with a "Hi" a "thanks" or a smile. But I'd be a fat liar if I said I didn't imagine that one day after lots of adventures, we'd get married and have a really cute family and we'd read them stories and travel the world together. This happens. I just thought you should know, I know you do it too, don't be a phony ;) Reserve your judgment. 

But yes. My people. I like them. And I long to go on adventures with every. single. one of them, and just get to know them. I love meeting people on my adventures, so very much. 

We're not all clones, jsyk, wouldn't that be gross, a bunch of zombie clones backpacking through the winds. Nooooo thank you. We're unique in our own ways, but our hearts, in a way, are the same. 

My people may not spend 24/7 adventuring in the great outdoors, or traveling the world, although they love it so, they do what they want obviously. 

My people are those who's hearts beat hardest walking through the terminal of an airport, off on new adventures, or on the summit of a mountain. They have farmers tans, chaco tans, a hole in their pocket because #gearisexpensive, a heart full of memories, and a love for adventure, a love for the earth, a love for travel, and in those moments where their souls stir and their hearts beat hardest, these are my people. :)

out to be

Hi I'm Wesleigh, and I haven't posted on this blog in a long time, or so it seems. So hi.

Note: This is a somewhat depressing and religious post. But I promise it was written in determination and there is actually a lot of good in this post. So bear with me.

Throughout my life, as much as I would like to not acknowledge the fact, I have suffered from depression, and it sucks. While I am really a happy, life loving, passionate person, I get really down, lost, and confused, and feel an overall numbness at times.

The world is a confusing place to live. The media tells you that you should be "skinny," "have perfect hair," "be funny and witty while not being weird" "If you want to have a great body, you have to work out five times a day 7 times a week and eat only a pea sized helping," they tell you all those things and more. BUT WAIT. They also tell you that you should, "Love your body," "embrace messy hair," "be yourself", that unauthentic people are "frowned upon," and I could go on and on. They send out false images, and the billions of people on the cyber space are constantly contradicting each other and it's a really confusing place.

In the past couple of years, while being ashamed of who I was, and feeling inadequate that I have become SO obsessed with "becoming who I am" and "finding myself" and "owning my education" and TRYING to "be myself" and "making my dreams come true" that I simply forgot to ACTUALLY do those things. I became so obsessed with finding my true potential, and who I was meant to be, and where I fit in, that I lost myself somewhere among all that. I got so overwhelmed with trying to do everything that was socially acceptable and praised that I forgot that I don't actually like that stuff. While trying to find the best way to do everything, I got so confused and did the absolute worst at everything. I was so worried about being/looking perfect according to "society," and being loved, and being talented, that I forgot that I was already perfect in God's eyes, and that I was already loved by so many people, the people that really matter, and that I was already blessed with so many unique talents. It's been a strange journey it has, but it has taught me a lot.

The Wesleigh you probably know, (if you aren't a member of my family, because my family knows me pretty well) is merely a shadow of the real me.

I feel like peter pan who lost his shadow, but in this case, I'm the shadow, and the real me is out there climbing mountains and dancing through fields of wild flowers.

Though through all the pain, there has been happiness, of course there has been. How could you not be happy in this beautiful and profound world? But it is totally possible to be really happy and really down and the same time.

Right now I'm sitting at my computer and the thunder is shaking the sky outside my window, and I can't help but feeling overwhelming awe, and happiness, and sheer gratitude that I am so fortunate to live here on this earth.

I currently may not know who I am, or what my passions really are, or what I really want to do in this world. BUT. I do know that I am a daughter of God, and I am perfect in his image, because he created me and loves me so much. How sad is he, that I have not loved the wonderful person that he created, and tried to be someone else.

Note to all people in the world. You don't need to go trekking solo across the country to "find yourself'" you don't need to run off to some big city and get a tattoo and piercings to "find yourself" you don't need to, WHO YOU ARE, is already right inside of you. You don't need to find yourself, because you ARE yourself, you don't even have to try to be. You don't need to "create yourself" because God already created a perfect you, you just need to BE that person that God created.

You don't have to call yourself "introvert" because you enjoy being alone, or an "extrovert" because you thrive off time spent with people, you don't have to say that you have ADD just because you have a really active brain, you don't have to make excuses for not being the best, you don't have to say that you are a "nerd" just because you like Star Wars or reading books, you don't have to say that you are a "girly girl" just because you like to dress up sometimes and wear makeup, you don't have to say that you are a wimp or emotional because you just love a lot or feel a lot, YOU DON'T HAVE TO MAKE UP NAMES AND EXCUSES FOR WHO YOU ARE.

I'm not an introvert, I'm not an extrovert, I don't have ADD, I'm not a nerd, nor a girly girl, nor an emotional wimp, etc. etc. I. am. Wesleigh. And I am perfectly defined by WHO I am. Just because I like one thing doesn't mean I have to just be that, I can be everything that I simply am all at once.

This has been rather confusing hasn't it. But my thoughts are confusing sometimes.

I am currently in the process of deactivating all my social media accounts that I waste my life on, this is something I've been needing to do for a long time, so I'm going mostly off the grid (with the occasional exception of email and school related purposes). And instead of going out to find myself, I'm going to go out and focus on the things that really, truly matter in life. God, others and family, and simply being Wesleigh, and just experiencing and doing as much good as I can in this life I have. And if you need to get a hold of me, good luck. :)

I wish you the best in life. I pray that you feel as much happiness as I do in life, and that you love it. And if you're going through the same thing that I've been going through, keep your head up, and stop listening to the confusing voices of the world and listen to the one that really matters, you are infinite, and perfect in every way. Focus on the positive and although in this life you will feel pain and hurt, be happy about it, because it is making you stronger. I love you and good luck with life :) Hopefully this blog doesn't get too dusty, you've been cool. Until next time. I'm out to simply be Wesleigh.

- Wesleigh

PNW Road Trip

So I have decided to post about my road trip, because I can. Do I need a better reason? And I have a plethora of pictures....and when I put them on my phone from my camera, they turned into really crappy pictures, so bear with me ;)

A little history: We spontaneously decided to go on a road trip to the grand pacific northwest. We would be gone for like 5 days, which is mostly driving, ew, and we would go to Oregon, and Washington. And that was the plan.

Basically there were 5 girls on this road trip, and no men or parental supervision. GIRL POWER Y'ALL. It was myself, two of my older sisters (they're adopted, I swear), and one of my sister's friend, and my sister's friend's friend. And we were squished like peas into my older sisters Pontiac G6 named Saphira.

I started off by getting like 30 minutes of sleep because I went to bed super late because I was too lazy to pack and that plus a whirlwind of panic and anxiety attacks and longing and nostalgia for my ocean. Therefore I did not sleep, and was singing Fun like a madman. IT WAS GREAT YA KNOW.

After we all got tightly squeezed into the car it was like 4:30/5 and we decided to make a run to Walmart, the only open store in Cache Valley to get some technology to play our music. DO YOU REALIZE HOW HARD IT IS TO GET SOME ASSISTANCE AT A WALMART AT 4:30 AM. SO HARD. Once we got our techno we ran out to our car. As I was running to my car, I heard some laughing and I was like...."Um creepy" so I looked back to the Walmart and to my surprise there were like 15 Walmart employees sitting on that patio furniture stuff that they display at the front of the store drinking sodas. The heck. THAT was why it was so hard to get some assistance guys.

Anyways. So we started rollin' and THE SUNRISE WAS PERFECT. Although I was driving so I couldn't fully enjoy it.

The drive was beautiful. From the construction worker that picked up that fallen over cone so gracefully at like 6am, to the beautiful things like this waterfall. 

And this super rainy windy river gorge. So perfect, so intense. Especially when the winds are extremely high and you have a flat tire.....and you are trying to drive while trying to talk to the auto store on the phone but you can't hear them because of the wind and the car noises and yeaaaaah. SO FUN. 

And can we just acknowledge how super attractive everyone was when they slept? ;) I am adorable when I sleep, too bad I don't sleep in the car ;) And no, I'm no posting a picture. I value my life. 

Yeah so the drive was good and all. Until we got a flat tire and had to have 2 tires changed which took like 1 and 1/2 hours and our life savings. Actually I didn't pay anything, make that THEIR life savings.

So after eating Chipotle for the first time and being totally incapable of pronouncing it, and charging our phones at Starbucks, we got rolling to the OCEAN, with a quick whirl through Portland. Like literally we got of on the wrong exit and we ended up driving through the part of Portland by the university. I LIKE PORTLAND. It was cool. Lots of hippies, and all the wild roses, I approve so good. 

After all that ish, we made our way to the coast for reals. THIS IS MY FAVORITE DRIVE EVER OKAY. Through the walls of the Oregon rain forest, with the smell the Ocean lingering in the air. PERFECTION. 

*hyperventilates* 

Basically we got to Cape Lookout State Park at like....10pm. A massive storm was blowing through and it was SO windy, and SO cold, and SO rainy, and we were like, "No. Let's go home" Because we are from hot dry Utah, and I was wearing shorts. Pretty much. Not to mention, the first thing the ranger told us was, "Oh, you are way out in the open, so make sure your tent is staked in really well and you have a good rain fly so you don't get rained on." But he was bearded and super cheerful about it all, so that was great. When we were driving to our tent site, literally everyone was in long pants and down coats....I felt sorta unprepared. ;) And some chick in the bathroom (which was super warm btw) was like, "I REALLY hope tomorrow is better, because last night was a nightmare." Thanks. Thanks a lot. ;) But we got in our warm tent and only two of us got rained on (myself and my sister ;) ). 

I think God must love us a lot, because the next morning we woke up to partly cloudy skies, and a light drizzle, which cleared up to be a sunny, 60 degree day. :) I WAS SO EXCITED TO SEE THE OCEAN I WAS LIKE JUMPING UP AND DOWN. Because we got to our ten tsite so late, we actually couldn't SEE our surroundings, or the ocean, because the view was blocked by a dune. But we woke up and the campground was beautiful. Truly. 

And then I ran/skipped to the ocean waves and danced through the foamy fingers and laughed and cried and yes that happened and oh man, it felt so good to be home. HAPPY HEART Y'ALL.

LOOK. OCEAN WE LOVE YOU. 

AND LOOK HOW GORGEOUS IT WAS. IS. IT IS. 

And there were waterfalls on the beach, and it was pretty magical.

Speaking of magical. THIS.

And the clouds were reflecting on the wet beach and yeah, I was sorta in heaven.

Anyways. My heart was super happy and content. And it felt so good. Next stop, The Oregon Coast Aquarium. HOLLA. 

Let's flashback. Left: fashionable childhood me, (honestly I don't know why those were ever in style) in total awe of the magical sea life, Right: me still in awe of the magical sea life. 

See? Nothing has changed there. I love love the marine life, and I could spend HOURS at the aquarium. I always have, I always will.

After the aquarium, as we were driving back to our campsite, we saw the results of a really really bad car wreck. One mini van was crashed into the side of the forest, and one van was flipped over on it's head. I kept expecting to see someone seriously injured but all I saw were there suitcases and souvenirs thrown out of the car, they had tow trucks there to move the cars, so ambulances were loooong gone. Oregon's windy roads make accidents lots more likely. It was tragic and I couldn't help but wondering if the people were okay. I'm so grateful we stayed safe, it's crazy to think that at any moment that can happen to any of us. Anyways. 

After we got back, we packed up and went to Oceanside Beach. Brace yourself for a looooot of pictures because this is my home. Basically the 19 minute drive was me dying of feels. Like. Just look at how freaking cute all the houses are. Can I just live there please? 

We also went and stalked the house my family used to rent. SO MANY FEELS. I just wanted to be in the house eating granola and drinking blackberry tea with my family. :( BUT. The people staying in the house definitely noticed us stalking, and the waved. I wonder if they would have given us a tour, I would have asked ;) 

Literally the view from the house is perfect and I want to buy it and live there. Blackberry blossoms, just yes.

Anyways. So after a good dose of stalking, we went down to Oceanside Beach to roast hot dogs and eat sauerkraut and explore the beach.  I was literally so happy to be there. Tears might have been shed people. But a major plus to just being on the beach, is being there during sunset, and it was AMAZING.

Climbing rocks + the ocean = happy happy happy. ^_^ 

After chilling on the beach, we went back to our campground and....slept. BUT THE STARS WERE AMAZING. And that was great. Clear Oceanside skies and lots of stars makes for perfection.

The next morning we woke up early to head down to Oceanside for low tide. Seashells and tide pools ya'll. We got a lot of seashells, and found this little guy...

(my pictures aren't actually THAT bad of quality, I just pulled them off my phone and they turned out crappy) 

And tide pools are seriously the coolest.

And sunrise on the beach, also the coolest. 

I seriously loved seeing all the houses and the sun rising. It brought back a loaaad of memories. Happy ones.

 After that, we went back to the campsite and packed up. Into our tiny car. It was FULL to the brim and it barely fit. #Expertpackers 

Once that was all done, we head towards Cape Meares to see the lighthouse. The VIEW was great, and I was having flashbacks of childhood me running through the woods there. 

And once we explored there, and hugged trees, we got ice cream from Tillamook. You might have had Tillamook ice cream, but you have not lived until you have had fresh Tillamook ice cream right from the factory. Thne headed along highway 101 to Washington. HIGHWAY 101 IS THE MOST PERFECT ROAD IN THE WORLD. HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE THIS A LOT. Like, you can't complain driving on highway 101, it's magical ;) 

Another thing Oregon/Washington has a lot of, is freaking awesome bridges. 

LOOK WE MADE IT TO WASHINGTON. I'm actually really sad that we never got a picture or the "Welcome to Oregon" sign, I missed seeing it every time. :(

So basically we were staying with complete strangers in Washington. HAH. But they were super super nice, and that was great. We didn't actually get there until 10pm or later, and I don't have pictures of any other parts of the 4-ish hour drive because I was on my phone the whole time. :/

The next day we got up and it was nice to sleep in a house although I was still in my sleeping bag on the floor. CLEARLY, I would have rather been camping. ;) First place we headed was to catch a ferry! Whoo! We had a little bit of a mix-up and ended up waiting for 1-2 hours. Ferry lines are hilarious. It's a HUGE line of cars up the highway, and it moves slowly, so basically people just get out of their cars and hangout, and when the line would move, they would just walk. It was hilarious to me, even though it really isn't. ;) And there was this adorable little Indian baby girl that we waved and, and she waved back, her parents had no idea ;) I also waved at a group of guys chilling at their VW van getting ready to go scuba diving, they weren't super friendly :( In Utah people wave at strangers, I guess they don't do that in Washington ;) 

Once you drive onto the ferry, you can get out of your car and walk around, and it was the BEST. I was in heaven. I love boats, and I love the ocean. I didn't get a picture of it, but the water was FULL of jelly fish, and you could see them, and that was super dope.

I was basically in heaven.

When the ride ended we found this super cute Gluten Free bakery and just HAD to go check it out and buy lots of stuff ;) After that we drove to Port Angeles so one of the girls could go see her family, and while she hung with her family, we went to this AMAZING cafe called Cafe New Day. I am no where NEAR a foodie, food does not bring me joy, and it basically all tastes similar, but this was probably the BEST gluten free food that I have ever had in my entire life. So good. 

After all that we went to Silverdale, WA to meet up with some of my sister's friends at the mall. While they were talking, the rest of us went to Barnes and Nobles. Obviously. I read kids books, and bought a reprint of the US Army Survival Guide, typical. ;) I could spend hours in a bookstore, it's a problem. And after that, we embarked to get back on the ferry. We waited to forever again, and there was a jazz band playing, and I hate jazz ;) So basically on this side of the bay, you pay for the ferry, and go park in a parking lot and wait to board the ferry. Everyone is sitting on their cars, and drinking coffee and stuff, and I like that vibe. And then we got back on the ferry, and the sunset was pretty great. 

The next morning, we woke up early, packed up, and headed home. YAY. I love traveling, and road trips, but going home is always the best feeling EVER.

On our way back, we drove past Mount Rainier, I actually have no idea which mountain is which, there were so many in the distance, and it was hecka confusing. But I'm pretty sure that the sign knew what it was talking about ;) 

With our car full of sand, and our hearts full of memories, we pulled up to the curb in front of my house. We were all almost exploding when we got into Utah, because we were so excited to be home. I mean, these people are great, but 40-ish hours in a car with them and I was more than ready to be home. 

Anyways. It was great. I'm super glad I went, it felt so good to go home to Oregon, man I love that place :) It was definitely a good fix to my extreme wanderlust. Life is good y'all. :) 

(apologies for the length, and excess of pictures, and overall bad grammar, you're welcome)

Hi.

Hi. My name is Wesleigh.

I like sweater weather. The kind of weather that you can wear a big knit sweater, jeans, and boots. I don't like the heat. The hot. The heat hot. Yuck.

I like beaches. But not the type of beaches that people take off all their clothes for. I like the type of beaches where the wind blows your hair into a wild mess, and the types of beaches that you can smell the non existent rain in the air, and cuddle up with a blanket and watch the sunset.

I like the mountains. I like hiking to high places, because the feeling of euphoria when you reach the summit is something that can never truly be explained or replaced.

I like the feeling of adrenaline. Story: you probably didn't know that rock climbing scares the HECK out of me. In fact just thinking about it now makes me feel a whirlwind of both stunting fear and excitement.

I like vintage things and I like mismatching colors and patterns because I do my own thing. Funny story: When I was little I never matched, and yeah my mom let me dress myself, and when we would go places, my family would tell people that I was an orphan they adopted. Fun right?

I believe in rebelling and standing strong in your beliefs.

I also believe in Christ and without it I would be lost like a brand new father on the baby isle at the supermarket.

I also believe in making no sense. Ever.

I love people. I don't love being with people, or being around them, or people in general....but people fascinate me, their personalities, their passions, their quirks, and I like people watching as I'm driving down the highway or what not. It's a weird thing I know. But I am always amazed by how much love I can feel for a complete stranger I passed on the street.

With that being said, I also hate people. Introvert problems right?

I have a really weird sense of humor. Actually I blame it on non functional brain. It's normal.

But all the time my mind is a muddled mess.

Actually, I really feel bad for the people who speak to me in any form of conversation, because I make no sense and they've probably checked me off as mentally insane.

MOVING ON. I said my brain was a mess didn't I?

I love life. And regardless of how I may feel sometimes, I really, really love it. It makes me happy inside. Simply the fact that I get to live in this postcard worthy place. I'm very lucky.

I also love lightning and thunder storms. I am always such a big nerd about it. Like run outside and jump up and down and dance in the rain while proclaiming how amazing this is and oh my gosh the sheer profoundness of this universe. Think about....it's like giant dominoes crashing together in the sky producing giant sparks of light that show themselves for a thousandth of a second....mind blown.

I also really like sunsets. It's like the final hurrah for the day, leaving us in the pale moonlight. The sun leaving to spread it's warmth somewhere else....creating painted skies, casting showdows in the trees and leaving the mountains majestic and bold, in the last evening light. They are beautiful and they leave me in awe of the vastness and amazingness of this world. 

Did I mention that I love the universe?

my greatest fear

I have this incredible survival instinct. I watch an "Armageddon" movie and immediately get the STRONGEST desire to be able to take down an entire army single handed. It's a dream of mine.

Get me really into a game or capture the flag, or ghost in the graveyard, or humans versus zombies, and I go ballistic. I. Must. Win.

But you see, I AM a strong person, I always have been, but my insides don't seem to want to be strong. And I hate that ya know, because I NEED to be strong, I do, and the fact that I "could" pick up a terminal illness scares me....I really don't want that....I was made for much more. But making your dreams come true is hard ya know, and sometimes it's easier to just wish a terminal illness upon yourself, that'd be easy right? False.

There is SO SO much that I want to do with my life. Really my heart could explode and my eyes could become a hurricane just by THINKING about all the things my heart longs to do. And I don't want to waste a single second. But making dreams come true is hard isn't it?

My sister texted me this the other day.....and I guess you could say that I like it, maybe even a lot.

"Oh my gosh. What is you wake up some day, and you're 65, or 75, and you never got your memoir or novel written; or you didn't go swimming in warm pools and oceans all those years because your thighs were too jiggly and you had a nice big comfortable tummy; or you are just so strung out on perfectionism and people pleasing that you forgot to have a big juicy creative life, or imagination and radical silliness and staring off into space like when you were a kid? It's going to break your heart. Don't let this happen."

- Anne Lamott 

Living a lesser life is easy is it not? I mean. It's a lot easier to just buy a bunch of junk food from Walmart and live on that and grow a really nice belly and it's easy to love your love handles, and it's really easy to sit on the couch eating potato chips and watching America's Next Top Model, and it's really easy to make fun of people, and it's really easy to have a pitty-party for yourself and justify not helping others, and it's really easy to not do your homework, and it's really easy to make excuses, and it's really easy to not make your dreams come true. If I don't...it'll break my heart. 

But I have a not-so-much-of-a-secret-to share with you.....the greatest things in life are NOT easy. Nope. Getting a six-pack is not easy, being patient and kind with everyone is not easy, serving others is not easy, and MAKING YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE IS NOT EASY. But oh it's so worth it. 

Do you know the parable of the talents? In case you don't, here it is.... "Jesus told the story of a master who gave each of his three servants a sum of money. The amounts were set according to each servant’s previously demonstrated capabilities. The man then left for a long time. When he returned, he asked each of these servants to report what he had done with the money. The first two servants revealed they had doubled his investment. “Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord,” was the master’s reply. The third servant then came trembling before his master. He had already heard what the others had reported and knew that he could not give a similar report. “I was afraid,” the servant said, “and went and hid thy talent in the earth” The master was upset. “Thou wicked and slothful servant,” he said. Then he commanded, “Take therefore the talent from him, and give it unto him which hath ten talents” The Savior then gave the interpretation of the parable: Those who obtain other talents receive more talents in abundance. But those who do not obtain other talents shall lose even the talents they had initially." 

I feel like God gave us each the greatest gift of all....a physical body, and a chance to live a life here on earth. How would you feel if you gave someone a gift and they just trashed it, and didn't care about it, and were like, "whatever, you only live once anyways!" (btw you don't only live once, you live every single day, every second, minute, hour, etc.). How would you feel? I think you would be sad....you would feel sad and hurt. And I think that's how God feels when we don't live up to our true potential in life, and when we settle for the easier, lesser path.

I don't want that. And that is my greatest fear.

My greatest fear is that one day I'll wake up and I'll have never made my dreams come true. That'll I'll have made SO many excuses and so many justifications that I got sucked into the desolate vortex of "people-who-settled-for-lesser-easy-lives" 

That I'll never have gotten married or have had that big beautiful family of mine; that I'll never have traveled the world; or climbed the highest mountains; or swam in the ocean; or never have changed someones life; or never made my dreams come true, and that'll I'll never had returned the gift God gave in the way that he would want. 

Guys. Don't get sucked into that addicting and cumbersome vortex. It's comfortable. It's dangerous. It's blinding. Don'g go there. 

You. Are. Worth. More. Than. That.

Nelson Mandela, a wise and inspiration man, once said.....

"I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear."

We all have fears ya know...but we can not let them blind us and trap us in their treacherous webs. We must break free and conquer our fears. You are loved, you have immeasurable worth, you have great potential, go above and beyond and make those dreams come true. :) 

everything and nothing at all

Everything and nothing at all. I think that pretty much sums up everything in my everyday, weekly, monthly, life.

In my journal(s) I am constantly writing about new things that I "think" I want to do with my life and careers I "think" I want to go into and where I want to go and blah blah and it's really exhausting.

It kinda looks something like this, but times 50.

I am CONSTANTLY obsessing over my life, I'm always trying to figure out the absolute BEST option, and if I want to get there I have to be perfect and do everything right so that I can have the perfect life that doesn't even exist. And that's really stupid ya know. Because I am so obsessed with figuring out who I am and who I am to become that I forget to actually be ME and just let it flow. 

What's even crazier is that there really are SO many things that I could really see myself doing, that I feel really passionate about.....yet....a lot of them have me both experiencing a stampede of butterflies while my heart is beating at totally irregular intervals and feeling completely overwhelmed and sick to my stomach. 

Sometimes I think I know what I want to do. But I don't. I really, really, don't know what I am going to do with my life. 

And I don't think it helps when people are CONSTANTLY asking you what you want to do with your life, etc., etc. 

Because let's be honest does ANYONE know what they truly want to do with their lives? Maybe bits and pieces, or maybe they just have a really together life. But I don't.

I wish people would stop asking, because you don't have to know, and you don't need the pressure. No on does. You don't need to be pressure into who you are "supposed" to be.

And guess what? It's OKAY to not know what you are doing with your life. You have your WHOLE life to figure that out, live a little.

I'm Wesleigh. I want to do everything, I want to be everything, I want to see everything, and yada yada. But in all honestly, I don't want to do anything. Nothing. Nothing at all.

But one thing I do know, All I want is this.......

Simplicity 

Simplicity is bliss isn't it. As much as I would like to become a doctor and travel throughout Africa saving lives, and as much as I would like to have my own successful business, and as much as I would like to make millions and have a big house and stuff......really all I want is simplicity. 

I want to do nothing. Everything within reach. But nothing.

Lately I've met, heard about, a lot of families that seem to have nothing....ya know....they have tiny old houses, filled with furniture that looks like it was probably thrifted, hand-me-down clothes, beater cars that they converted to run on grease, a list full of places they've lived throughout the world, happy smiling children, and overall......a simple life. Looking at them you would think they have nothing really.....but in fact...they have everything. Simplicity IS bliss.

I want my everything, nothing really at all, but everything to me. 

I really just don't know. Don't know exactly what my "everything and nothing at all" actually is, and right now I want to go scream my lungs out because I can't seem to get a grip on life and that is really hard. But I have a glimpse of what I want in life, something simple, something that makes me happy. Something obviously not perfect.....but something simple and everything to me. :) 

And right now I'm going to try to get some part of my life a little.....simpler. 

And that made absolutely no sense, but sometimes I have really profound thoughts that just can't be written down or even thought clearly. It's normal. 

Within Reach: Started from the bottom now we're here

The other night it was about 12pm. I was sitting in the basement chilling with my dad. We started talking about some people we know who are struggling with their marriage and then we started talking about my parents divorces and then we started talking about my dads ex father in law and his successful life and how he got there and then other people's successful lives and how they got there. (I feel like you just learned a lot about my life in that once sentence but you didn't.)

It really sparked something in me.

So my dad knew (because he is now deceased) the guy who started the Orange County, California garbage company. An incredible entrepreneur and billionaire. Basically. He wasn't rich growing up and at 13, he and his older brother left home. They started a business by charging people to pick up their garbage in the back of their truck, and it grew to this multi-billion dollar company that collects all of Orange County's garbage and uses highly advanced technology.

How the heck did he get there?! That's what I wanted to know.

Steve Jobs dropped out of school. Bill Gates dropped out of school. Etc.

How come some of the most successful people in the world didn't even get much of an education!?

My dad went on to tell me stories of the richest people in the world and how they got there. He told me a story of a girl he knew in high school who grew up in a shack with an outhouse in a really really messed up family who was befriended by a girl who helped her to realize her true potential, and later became a doctor.

I kept saying, "Hoooow?" Because I really wanted to know. How does that work. How can someone go from nothing to so much.

My dad told me something really profound I guess. He said that those people like the garbage guy in Orange County, Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, etc, are TOO creative for the system. The system being the public schooling system, limitations of the world, etc. They are SMARTER than everyone else. Their IDEAS far out weigh the system. That's kind of crazy. They broke through the limitations of the world and reached for dreams.

But what about people like that girl who grew up in a shack with an outhouse? Someone took her under their wing and loved her, and helped her to realize her TRUE potential and helped her to reach for her dreams.

None of these people started out with much. In fact some might say that what they did was impossible. They started from the bottom and made it to the top.

I sorta wondered why I couldn't be like those people, but you know the great thing about living? ANYTHING. Absolutely anything that you want is within your reach.

Within reach....does that not blow your mind or what even?

Those people got to the top, made their dreams come true, overcame their obstacles, realized their true potential, and other stuff.

My voca/grammar is really strong right now, can you tell? MY THOUGHTS ARE STARS I CANNOT FATHOM INTO CONSTELLATIONS OKAY.

Anyways. I said it sparked something in me right? Well it really did. It REALLY really did.

Life has been really hard, I mean it's always hard. I have a lot of problems in my life and I'm learning to to not think of them as obstacles that I have to struggle over but more like mini trampolines that will only make me go higher. Holla for great analogies.

So yeah life is hard but it's SO GOOD. I have hard days/times that make me question why I want to be here....then I have those really wonderful moments where I remember how much I love life and how worth it is.

You know it seems like hard times are followed by really good times. Thus the mini trampoline analogy ;)

I've come to embrace my struggles and not let them drag me down, instead I am reaching for my dreams and realizing how achievable they are.

My life lately has gone something like this: midnight longboarding sesh/learning how to longboard, filling the back of my truck with blankets and pillows and stargazing, random hikes, tan lines, and ups and downs, bike rides, and successful runs, and good music, and laughs, and climbing, and life is good okay. It's just really hard but really good and it feels so good to go out and makes dreams come true.

Nothing is impossible.

And lately I've just really been realizing that everything I want is within my reach. And that feels good.

Mountains of Inspiration

Hello. I have successfully gone without pinterest, facebook, twitter, and instagram for ONE AND A HALF DAYS Y'ALL HOLLA.

But anyways. Enough of that not-much-of-a-success. I want to talk about inspiration.  

in·spi·ra·tion

noun

1. 1.

   the process of being mentally stimulated to do or feel something, especially to do something creative.

"The process of being mentally stimulated to do or feel something, especially to do something creative." I like that a lot, and I like inspiration a lot. 

Inspiration to me, is what fuels my life. I am a very idealistic person, therefore inspiration is something that is a large part of my life and in fact keeps me going and motivates me, it is my fuel. 

When I'm down, or low on fuel you could say, I go get me some inspiration! Allow me to share with you some of the places I get inspiration: 

Cyberspace - 

Nothing better than the vast cyberspace to pick up some inspiration! However, I find that sometimes using this can hold me back from life or become addicting and I don't like that. Anyways, here are some of my favorite spots on the inter-webs to get inspiration.

• ZenHabits - This really cool site run but an even cooler guy named Leo Babauta. He writes the most beautiful and inspiration things and it's just the best. 
• Live Unbound Blog - You might have heard me talk about We Live Unbound because it's freaking awesome. Their blog is such a great place to pick up some quick motivational inspiration! 
• Vimeo - Vimeo is an awesome place where you can watch beautiful films. I like to watch adventure films or time lapse films of nature and it really makes my heart soar. 
• Pinterest - Yeah I said it. Design is my passion and pinterest is a place I often turn to for inspiration. However, I am currently avoiding pinterest because I feel like it is holding back my creative juices because there is so much to see and I forget to just be myself. Unimportant tad bit of information. 
• TED - Obviously. If you have some time to spare, definitely watch some TED talks because nothing else gives inspiration quite like this. 
• Maptia - Last but DEFINITELY not least. This is probably my favorite out of all, and if you haven't heard of it, I'm sorry, now you have, you're welcome. I love this because they have the most beautiful words that really make my heart soar and give me a thirst for adventures and the inspiration levels are so high it's crazy. 

Mother Nature - Another amazing place to get inspiration, probably my favorite, and probably the best one out there. It's so beneficial in so many ways. Take a walk, or a hike, or go on an adventure. I always get so much inspiration from nature because you can truly disconnect from the world and reconnect to what's important. Also just looking at nature is wonderful. You can check out my Flickr if you want. :) 

Reading - Reading is such a way to get inspiration, all you have to do is pick up a good book and dive in. 

Art - I definitely find inspiration in art, and luckily there is art and beauty all around us if you just look for it. 

Now you have some new places to get inspiration, where do YOU get your inspiration? Comment! It always makes me happy ;)

With that aside, everyone has to have an output for their inspiration! A reason they thirst for inspiration in the first place. 

Like I said before, my inspiration fuels my life. So I output my inspiration into my art, journalism/writing, and hard work towards progress, and it feels great. :) 

So yeah that was non-nonsensical but ya know, whatever. I can definitely say that inspiration is the core of my life. It's also important that I make sure that my inspiration can flow freely, without being restricted by other things, thus the media fast. ;)

Remember that you are infinite and I love you, bai! :) 

Hope is Never Lost

Sometimes I get caught up in all the negativity of the world and feel as if I am slowly sinking in quicksand. It hurts, and it makes me sad and I tend to get really upset at the world. BECAUSE THIS IS NOT HOW THIS BEAUTIFUL WORLD IS SUPPOSED TO BE YOU FEEL.

But then I see something beautiful, or someone is really spectacular, or life just reminds me that it's good and I am reminded that hope is never lost.

HOPE IS NEVER LOST GUYS AND THAT'S COMFORTING. REALLY COMFORTING.

And I just wanted to say that.

Because sometimes it feels like you are all alone in a crowd of creatures just like yourself, or that you are drowning under all the burdens you have been given but KEEP YOUR HEAD UP BECAUSE BABY THERE IS HOPE.

Just have faith and I promise you the best will come. :)

Does Media Shape Your Life? Or Nah?

In the generation we live in today, it often seems like media shapes our lives, and I don't like that.

What is media, you are probably not wondering. It is a vile retched trap, that can also be wondrous if used right. (Example: Wesleigh uses it wrong. The LDS church uses it right.) There are many types or media-in my opinion- print media (newspaper, magazines), broadcasting media (tv, news, radio and we'll just throw movies in there too), and internet (facebook, blogs, twitter, all social media)! Yay no. 

Let's be completely honest here shall we. I Wesleigh, am addicted to media. WHO it thinks I must be, WHAT so-in-so is doing, that blog, Twitter, Facebook, so-in-so's diet plan, Instagram, Pinterest, YouTube, Netflix, Tv, Movies....let's stop there.

Shameful right? I HATE that I am addicted to it. Although it is completely within my power to break that addiction, and I intend to do so. I hate that I listen to the voice of the world. I hate how artificial everything is. I hate the cruel judgment weighing on me and everyone. I hate that news casters feel like sharing a majority of negative things, rather than good. I hate how the world has strayed so far from religious values. 

All in all, I really just hate how it shapes my life and others. 

The majority of self-esteem issues come from artificial images and ideas sent from the media, and not to mention eating disorders. A large part of depression is media driven. Excessive time spent on some types of media can actually shorten and put your life at risk. Children these days act so different than they should, the media blurs our minds, creating artificial and fake lives. I could go on and on, but I won't because that would take ages and I do not have ages to waste here, and sadly I've already wasted enough. 

BUT I REALLY JUST WANT TO GET THIS OUT OKAY. 

Obviously the effects of media are large and vast in the world today. Their effects are felt by everyone in same way or another. Whether you feel affected by it or not, I promise you that you are. 

Let me share a story with you, of myself. Yay no. I, Wesleigh, feel as if my current circumstances have been shaped by the media. Allow me to shed some light on the subject:

Lately it has really come to my attention that nearly ALL my problems in life, or artificial problems if you will, have been shaped by the media. Self-esteem issues: I give you artificial images, unattainable standards set by society, judging myself based on others, although I am different in every way and can never be like them, feeling bad about my GOOD LIFE because you don't generally see peoples struggles on social media and it can seem like their lives are perfect, etc. Anger towards the world, because it is a sad broken place: Constant talk of the worlds struggles literally EVERYWHERE, I get that it's important let's just not dwell on that okay; people straying from Gods word and hurting, please come back, it's better here, and so much more. and I could go on and on (clearly I have a lot to say you feel). 

Is this making any sense at all? Probably not. 

The truth is, I am Wesleigh, and I cannot be anyone else, but myself, so why not love myself and reach my fullest potential. 

The truth is, hope is never ever lost. The world has so much good in it, I KNOW THAT, but I let the media shield my eyes. 

The truth is, the media is not a bad thing at all, no. It can be used for so much good, and it is a wonderful creation. 

Let's just use it wisely, and be aware of the dangers of media, please. 

You are worth so much more than you may feel, you are worth so much more than the media can make you feel. I promise you that you have great potential, we all do, REACH FOR THE STARS AND BEYOND MY FRIEND. Accept yourself for your flaws, mistakes you have made, everything. 

Have compassion on yourself, and treat yourself just as you would treat anyone else (which should be with love and kindness). If you wouldn't call someone else fat, don't call yourself fat, if you wouldn't call someone else ugly, don't call yourself ugly, if you wouldn't call someone else a failure, don't call yourself a failure. Love your neighbor as you would love yourself. :) 

( so there are bleed marks in this from the other side of the page, so what) 

I have decided to ditch most media for the rest of the summer (with exceptions such as this). It is really just not getting me where I want to go, in fact it is holding me back. I don't like that. I going OUT TO LIVE. And I might biff it, so what, fail forward, am I right? 

If you want to join me, please do. :) Feel free to use my picture if you want which you probably don't want to. Together we can leave our fingerprint in the universe, like stars in the night sky. Live elevated. Live free. Be alive. :)

they must go on lots of adventures

Every time I see a VW van cruising along the road, I shout, "Hey look it's my car! They must go on lots of
adventures."

A VW van is my DREAM car.

I want to buy one, remodel it all cute, and then get some friends and go on road trips.

Not only would we go on road trips but we would go on LOTS and LOTS of adventures.

That's my dream. And I am more than determined to make it happen okay.

The other day we were hauling through my favorite canyon on our way to clean my vacation house.

My favorite aunt was driving. Thus the "hauling through the canyon part"

A VW van passed us and I lit up and shouted the usual, "HEY LOOK IT'S MY CAR! Man they must go on lots of adventures."

My aunt smiled and was like, "Michael always wanted one of those. He was going to fill it up with friends and go on road trips."

Great. Yup. The tears came and good thing I was wearing sunglasses.

Those things are life savers for emotional criers like me ;)

Michael is my awesome Marine cousin. He was killed in Iraq in 2004. And I just looked up to him SO SO much. He was my hero.

Hearing that just made me EVEN MORE determined to get that car.

So there you have it.

There are SO many VW vans where I live, and every time I see one, my heart swells up with a longing of adventure.

I'll fill it up with all my climbing gear, put a surf board on the top (because one day I'll surf I tell you), throw my slackline in there along with a longboard (because I'm going to learn how to ride one of those too), lots of blankets and sleeping bags, and all the shiz.

It'll smell like coconut and peppermint, and campgrounds, sunshine, and good times.

People will look at us cruising along the highway, our skin sun-kissed, our hearts happy, and they'll say, "Hey, they must go on a lot of adventures." and we will.