my greatest fear

I have this incredible survival instinct. I watch an "Armageddon" movie and immediately get the STRONGEST desire to be able to take down an entire army single handed. It's a dream of mine.

Get me really into a game or capture the flag, or ghost in the graveyard, or humans versus zombies, and I go ballistic. I. Must. Win.

But you see, I AM a strong person, I always have been, but my insides don't seem to want to be strong. And I hate that ya know, because I NEED to be strong, I do, and the fact that I "could" pick up a terminal illness scares me....I really don't want that....I was made for much more. But making your dreams come true is hard ya know, and sometimes it's easier to just wish a terminal illness upon yourself, that'd be easy right? False.

There is SO SO much that I want to do with my life. Really my heart could explode and my eyes could become a hurricane just by THINKING about all the things my heart longs to do. And I don't want to waste a single second. But making dreams come true is hard isn't it?

My sister texted me this the other day.....and I guess you could say that I like it, maybe even a lot.

"Oh my gosh. What is you wake up some day, and you're 65, or 75, and you never got your memoir or novel written; or you didn't go swimming in warm pools and oceans all those years because your thighs were too jiggly and you had a nice big comfortable tummy; or you are just so strung out on perfectionism and people pleasing that you forgot to have a big juicy creative life, or imagination and radical silliness and staring off into space like when you were a kid? It's going to break your heart. Don't let this happen."

- Anne Lamott 

Living a lesser life is easy is it not? I mean. It's a lot easier to just buy a bunch of junk food from Walmart and live on that and grow a really nice belly and it's easy to love your love handles, and it's really easy to sit on the couch eating potato chips and watching America's Next Top Model, and it's really easy to make fun of people, and it's really easy to have a pitty-party for yourself and justify not helping others, and it's really easy to not do your homework, and it's really easy to make excuses, and it's really easy to not make your dreams come true. If I don't...it'll break my heart. 

But I have a not-so-much-of-a-secret-to share with you.....the greatest things in life are NOT easy. Nope. Getting a six-pack is not easy, being patient and kind with everyone is not easy, serving others is not easy, and MAKING YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE IS NOT EASY. But oh it's so worth it. 

Do you know the parable of the talents? In case you don't, here it is.... "Jesus told the story of a master who gave each of his three servants a sum of money. The amounts were set according to each servant’s previously demonstrated capabilities. The man then left for a long time. When he returned, he asked each of these servants to report what he had done with the money. The first two servants revealed they had doubled his investment. “Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord,” was the master’s reply. The third servant then came trembling before his master. He had already heard what the others had reported and knew that he could not give a similar report. “I was afraid,” the servant said, “and went and hid thy talent in the earth” The master was upset. “Thou wicked and slothful servant,” he said. Then he commanded, “Take therefore the talent from him, and give it unto him which hath ten talents” The Savior then gave the interpretation of the parable: Those who obtain other talents receive more talents in abundance. But those who do not obtain other talents shall lose even the talents they had initially." 

I feel like God gave us each the greatest gift of all....a physical body, and a chance to live a life here on earth. How would you feel if you gave someone a gift and they just trashed it, and didn't care about it, and were like, "whatever, you only live once anyways!" (btw you don't only live once, you live every single day, every second, minute, hour, etc.). How would you feel? I think you would be sad....you would feel sad and hurt. And I think that's how God feels when we don't live up to our true potential in life, and when we settle for the easier, lesser path.

I don't want that. And that is my greatest fear.

My greatest fear is that one day I'll wake up and I'll have never made my dreams come true. That'll I'll have made SO many excuses and so many justifications that I got sucked into the desolate vortex of "people-who-settled-for-lesser-easy-lives" 

That I'll never have gotten married or have had that big beautiful family of mine; that I'll never have traveled the world; or climbed the highest mountains; or swam in the ocean; or never have changed someones life; or never made my dreams come true, and that'll I'll never had returned the gift God gave in the way that he would want. 

Guys. Don't get sucked into that addicting and cumbersome vortex. It's comfortable. It's dangerous. It's blinding. Don'g go there. 

You. Are. Worth. More. Than. That.

Nelson Mandela, a wise and inspiration man, once said.....

"I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear."

We all have fears ya know...but we can not let them blind us and trap us in their treacherous webs. We must break free and conquer our fears. You are loved, you have immeasurable worth, you have great potential, go above and beyond and make those dreams come true. :)