hype

Life is crazy. Not like crazy busy. Just crazy. Annoying. Exciting. Hard. It's a whole tornado of everything. Good days, bad days, lazy days, productive days, up and down then up up up then super down and yeah it's nuts.

My life is a constant whirlwind of "I have life plans" "things are looking up for me" "oh oops I have no idea what I'm doing with my life" "I could make my own ocean with all my tears because I'm so overwhelmed with how little plans I have for any second of today and the rest of my life"

Like sometimes I am just so incredibly bleak because I just want to have structure and have a clear paint by numbers of what to do with my life. Paint number one pink, then number two grey, yada yada 10 numbers down the road you have what looks like a nice picture. Instead or my life where it's basically a blank canvas with a few colorful swishes and swashes of really nothing here and there.

But SOMETIMES I get those moments where I'm just so hyped up on life and where I get these moments of absolute clarity where I can literally feel myself living and loving my life plans and where it all just fits so well like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle.

Right now I feel down right confused about somethings. Somethings I just always assumed that I'd do, because it's what we do in my "culture" but I've come to realize that that's not what I want in my life, or what I need. Making the decision to follow my heart and do what I really know I want to do and the things that make me feel like there might possibly be an entire wild zoo inside me, the things that make me feel so motivated and alive and happy, those are the things that I'm chasing after. And oh my goodness it feels so good.

I'm so SO hyped up on life for the most part. I'm the poster child of hype.

I am so excited about my plans. Education plans. Health plans. And YES, even FUTURE plans. Oh my goodness yeah,I just said "future." Scary I know, I swear its like saying Voldemort out loud and you know that's right.

I mean I have no solid plans and they'll probably change just tomorrow but at least I have something.

By "plans" I mean ideas that I'm really excited about, REALISTIC ideas. THIS COULD ACTUALLY HAPPEN PEOPLE. I actually told my sister that if I was not IN a foreign country or had serious plans to go to a foreign country in about a year then she'd better kick my sorry but out the door.

I have "plans" to work my butt off saving adventure money. I have "plans" of going to Africa for a few months for humanitarian work and I have "plans" to work in either Paris or London and I have "plans" to travel Europe with my sister and I have "plans" for college and I have "plans" for possible law school or sunny days with slippery marine animals. I have "plans" for the next few months and although I've always embraced the completely un-structured and spontaneous person that I've always been I'm starting to embrace and crave a more structured life, more responsibilities, and yeah, I'm embracing the fact that adult life is coming.

So. Much. Hype.

Things are coming together. I'm solidly following a fitness plan and I'm working on consistently eating like a caveman and man its good.

I know I still have those days where I feel so incredibly bleak and tired and confused, but then I have those moments where it's OKAY and my world seems as if it's finally coming together, and I 100% believe that those moments should be shouted from the rooftops (or from this tiny corner of the internet). You should recognize when your world is at peace and when you're happy. Recognize the hype, share the hype, embrace the hype.

xoxo - Wesleigh