Routine. Being busy. Ah Life.

I feel like the majority of my post have "Life" in the title. Which is probably true. Oh well.

Life. I don't really know what to think of it.

I KNOW what I want in my life.

I'm just struggling to GET it.

I just feel like my life is SO SO out of control.

I am always rushing rushing.

Cramming to get something done. Rushing to work. Rushing to my next job. Rushing to be with friends. RUSHING. CRAMMING. NO.

I hate routine. It is a deadly, and sometimes comforting trap. And I am coming to close to the edge, and life is threatening to push me in.

I just wanna do what I wanna do when I wanna do it and BE who I wanna do and go where I wanna go and learn what I wanna learn and just ahhhhhhhhhhhh.

But you know, that's not really how life works.

I've always been a laid back, go with the flow rebellious person.

Is.....that even possible?

I think I hold things in too much. Because I'm not sure HOW to deal with them, or what to do.

I mean I know how, I just don't want to.

To embarrass myself, make people hate me, etc.

Just.....when am I going to get a grip on life? IF EVER. IF FREAKING EVER.

It is 12:30am, I am waiting for pictures to download because I clearly have my priorities straight. Am I right?

Not only that, I slept in until 12 today. So. Yeah. That's great. Not to mention I stayed up till 3 yesterday.

And I work five jobs. Mostly two.

Wow doesn't that sound so together? Yup. SO SO TOGETHER.

I KNOW WHAT I WANT WHY CAN'T I JUST DO IT.

WHY IS MAKING DREAMS COME TRUE SO FREAKING HARD.

WHY IS LIFE SO FREAKING HARD.

Okay bai.