everything and nothing at all

Everything and nothing at all. I think that pretty much sums up everything in my everyday, weekly, monthly, life.

In my journal(s) I am constantly writing about new things that I "think" I want to do with my life and careers I "think" I want to go into and where I want to go and blah blah and it's really exhausting.

It kinda looks something like this, but times 50.

I am CONSTANTLY obsessing over my life, I'm always trying to figure out the absolute BEST option, and if I want to get there I have to be perfect and do everything right so that I can have the perfect life that doesn't even exist. And that's really stupid ya know. Because I am so obsessed with figuring out who I am and who I am to become that I forget to actually be ME and just let it flow. 

What's even crazier is that there really are SO many things that I could really see myself doing, that I feel really passionate about.....yet....a lot of them have me both experiencing a stampede of butterflies while my heart is beating at totally irregular intervals and feeling completely overwhelmed and sick to my stomach. 

Sometimes I think I know what I want to do. But I don't. I really, really, don't know what I am going to do with my life. 

And I don't think it helps when people are CONSTANTLY asking you what you want to do with your life, etc., etc. 

Because let's be honest does ANYONE know what they truly want to do with their lives? Maybe bits and pieces, or maybe they just have a really together life. But I don't.

I wish people would stop asking, because you don't have to know, and you don't need the pressure. No on does. You don't need to be pressure into who you are "supposed" to be.

And guess what? It's OKAY to not know what you are doing with your life. You have your WHOLE life to figure that out, live a little.

I'm Wesleigh. I want to do everything, I want to be everything, I want to see everything, and yada yada. But in all honestly, I don't want to do anything. Nothing. Nothing at all.

But one thing I do know, All I want is this.......

Simplicity 

Simplicity is bliss isn't it. As much as I would like to become a doctor and travel throughout Africa saving lives, and as much as I would like to have my own successful business, and as much as I would like to make millions and have a big house and stuff......really all I want is simplicity. 

I want to do nothing. Everything within reach. But nothing.

Lately I've met, heard about, a lot of families that seem to have nothing....ya know....they have tiny old houses, filled with furniture that looks like it was probably thrifted, hand-me-down clothes, beater cars that they converted to run on grease, a list full of places they've lived throughout the world, happy smiling children, and overall......a simple life. Looking at them you would think they have nothing really.....but in fact...they have everything. Simplicity IS bliss.

I want my everything, nothing really at all, but everything to me. 

I really just don't know. Don't know exactly what my "everything and nothing at all" actually is, and right now I want to go scream my lungs out because I can't seem to get a grip on life and that is really hard. But I have a glimpse of what I want in life, something simple, something that makes me happy. Something obviously not perfect.....but something simple and everything to me. :) 

And right now I'm going to try to get some part of my life a little.....simpler. 

And that made absolutely no sense, but sometimes I have really profound thoughts that just can't be written down or even thought clearly. It's normal.